You Were Mine
by bama02614
Summary: Chuck and Blair AU universe future tense. Nate, Serena, Georgina and Carter all make appearances. NS and CB couple focus
1. HATE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **This popped into my head late last night and I couldn't get it out. I have a month of vacation right now so I'll have time to work on this (and I'm also working on the next chapter of FE right now). Anyway be forewarned this is nearly completely AU and is going to be very dark and messy. Things you need to know right off the bat – Bart and Lily married and merged their family when Chuck and Serena were twelve. I'll cover the rest in the story but I didn't want anyone to get confused with that. If you have anymore questions leave it in a review and if I can answer them (without giving anything away) I will do so. I'll stop jabbering now… Oh and one last thing. This is just a short introduction really. I'm working on finishing the next chapter right now and I'm hoping to post it later tonight. This just felt much better as a stand alone.

**You Were Mine**

**Chapter One**.

**HATE**

"_Those who hate most fervently must have once _

_loved deeply; those who want to deny the world must_

_have once embraced what they now set on fire."_

- Kurt Tucholsky

Was it possible to put a prologue on one's life? Blair Waldorf hated books that tried. Movies got it right. They pushed you right into the action with little thought to what had come before. Usually because what had come before was not nearly as interesting as what was to come. Blair wished that could be said of her twenty nine years up until this moment, but unfortunately much of her adventure laid in the before. Her after was still undecided but as she rode back into Manhattan in her boyfriend and coconspirator's limo she felt her future was nearly as doomed as her past.

"Drink." Carter Baizen handed her a glass of Scotch and she grabbed for it gratefully.

Her nerves were doing summersaults and her hands were beginning to get clammy. She'd promised herself that she wouldn't do this. She'd promised herself that when she returned to Manhattan it would be with triumph not despair. It was almost exactly a year since the last time she'd set foot on this hallowed ground and it felt nothing like it did before. Before her marriage, before her child, before she'd lost her mind, New York had been her home. It didn't feel like home now. It felt like a dirty trap and she was just waiting for one of them to jump out and say gotcha again. She'd been gotten far too many times for her liking and she wasn't eager to jump back into the blender with her so called friends. Coming had finally become unavoidable. She could only run and hide in Europe with Carter for so long. She had matters to handle here, and they had gone unattended for far too long.

The limo slowed to a stop at the light and Blair glanced outside the tinted windows. She'd strolled along these streets as a pampered little girl, and then later as the Queen of Constance, and then finally as one of the richest, most respected women on the Upper East Side. It was only four years ago but it felt like an eternity since she was that woman. A common sight greeted her as she peered back into her old world: a nanny dragging a little boy with one hand and a little girl with the other. The children were around 6 or 7, blonde, beautiful and spoiled. Blair's heart clenched at the sight of them.

"Blair…" Carter's voice echoed in her head. She knew he wanted her to pull it together and put her game face on, but it had been a long time since she'd had to do that. It had been a long time since she felt like Blair Waldorf and not just Blair, Eleanor's poor unfortunate daughter, Charles Bass's crazy wife or rather ex wife.

She knew the whispers would start the minute she stepped on the scene again. They would start with her hair, darker, a bit longer, not nearly as chic as when she was a Bass. Her clothes would come next, they would pass muster because there were just some things a girl could never forget, like how to dress for the society snobs and matrons. Blair had the look and none of them could ever take that away from her. They would move on next to her escort. They all knew she was Carter Baizen's companion. She'd rocked them with that scandal at Serena and Nate's wedding, but they would still whisper about it. They would say he looked stressed, no doubt because he had to handle his girlfriend on a daily basis. Once you were marked as damaged goods you never lost the title. Blair was as damaged as they came.

The light changed and the limo moved on. Blair craned her neck around to watch as the children faded in the distance. They looked nothing like her own child. Their hair was too light, skin too dark, eyes too blue. Blair's baby was all dark innocence with cherubic cheeks and chocolate brown eyes that mirrored Blair's own. She hoped Chuck looked into them every morning and remembered where his precious son came from. Blair Waldorf was the mother to his child not that vicious bitch he'd proposed to. Blair clenched her fists and dug her nails into her palm until she felt them break the skin. The pain was a shocking reminder to stay in the presence.

"Stop it," Carter chided. He reached over and forcefully pulled her hands apart. He grabbed for his handkerchief and pressed it against her palms. He dabbed at the blood droplets and Blair looked anywhere but at him. "We can call it all off," he offered. It was half hearted though. Carter had put as much into this as Blair and he wanted to see it through. He had money and pride on the line, Blair had her life, her son.

Carter finally sat back again and refilled his glass. He sucked it down quickly, the only indication that he was nervous at all. Carter was used to going into the lion's den though. That was how he made his money. It had been a very long time since Blair felt up to taking on any enemy and today she was going against the worst she'd ever had. She could just imagine the shock on his face. It wouldn't last long. He'd hide behind a wall of indifference but she knew she could push him into seething anger easily. He prided himself on being such a cold son of a bitch but she knew where to hit him to make him bleed and she was going for the jugular today.

"Do you think he's much bigger than before?" Blair asked out of the blue her thoughts returning to where they always did, her son.

Carter shrugged. "Kids usually grow fast, right?" He always got uncomfortable when she spoke of her child. It was one more reminder of a past he liked to forget. Blair couldn't forget though and she was done trying.

"The picture Serena sent me was from his last birthday, that was months ago. He'll have another one soon enough." Blair didn't expect Carter to answer her again and he didn't surprise her. They spent the rest of the limo ride in silence.

Blair was lost in the past, rummaging through a life time of memories and holding them sacred for just a minute longer before she blew them to bits. There could be no sentimentality left in her. There sure as hell wasn't any in him. He'd shown her no mercy or forgiveness and she intended him to the same treat. Chuck Bass might think he was ruler of the world but he wasn't ruling her life anymore. He'd exiled her two years ago and she'd let him. Of course she'd put up a fight to begin with, but she'd been weak and he'd known it. His hatred was far more powerful than her remorse and she'd lost her son because of it.

One year. It had been one entire year since she'd last seen her baby. He had just turned three and Serena had been kind enough to sneak in a visit for her. His hair had been lightening up a little bit because summer was coming and his eyes were already twinkling with mischief. He was vibrant and beautiful and he'd clutched her neck and called her mommy. She'd never felt so much love for anyone in her entire life. One minute it had been bliss and then the next Chuck was there; a dark imposing man with fury in his eyes. He'd taken one look at her holding 'his' son (because to Chuck she didn't exist) and he'd ordered Serena to take Blair's child away again. Serena had done as she was told almost as scared as Blair about what he would do. Serena had betrayed him, and both women knew in Chuck's eyes there was nothing worse.

Blair had feared the worst that day. She thought his temper would finally explode and all the hatred he'd been storing up to spew at her would come out. She had been wrong. His anger had been cold, controlled, worse than she ever could have imagined. He listened to her beg and cry and did nothing. His heart had short circuited long ago and Blair knew she was somewhat to blame. When Serena returned without the child Chuck ordered her to get Blair out of there and Serena had listened. Blair never did find out how Serena managed to convince her brother that she should be forgiven for that incident but eventually Chuck's anger had cooled. It seemed everyone received forgiveness but Blair.

So, here it was, the prologue of Blair Waldorf's life. She'd loved one boy, married him, had his child, betrayed him and now she was here to make him pay.


	2. POWER

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **As promised I am back with an update. Thanks for the feedback from everyone. I think this chapter will put a lot more in perspective.

**You Were Mine**

**Chapter Two**.

**POWER**

"_You can have power over people as long as you don't _

_take everything away from them. But when you've robbed _

_a man of everything, he's no longer in your power."_

- Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn

Chuck Bass sat in his office that towered above the city he loved like no other. He'd been all over the world but this was the one place he called home. It was the place he'd found a family, created one, and lost one. He didn't let those thoughts haunt him much anymore. He was twenty nine years old and the ruler of his own world. He owned controlling interest in Bass Enterprises, ran it with a stern hand, and was a respected member of the business community. Hell, he wasn't just a member he was the King and everyone knew it. Some hated him for it and others begged for just a moment of attention. Chuck barely paid attention to any of them. He hated ass kissers almost as much as he hated traitors. He had plenty of both in his life.

Bart Bass had taught his only child many things growing up. Chuck had learned that when you lost someone, like he had lost his mother at the tender age of 5, you didn't mourn them. You put them away, far back in your mind until you barely remembered them. You numbed out the pain and found other things to occupy yourself with. Chuck started with booze, moved onto drugs, and languished with conniving women. He controlled his vices now instead of them controlling him. Another lesson from his father put to good use. Bart had imparted many other tricks over the years to Chuck. Some would call them scars he'd inflicted but Chuck never saw it that way. His father's hard love approach had prepared Chuck for the inevitable pitfalls of life. When Chuck got knocked down he wasn't shocked like most people when these things happened. When he fell in love he knew it would fail and it did… spectacularly. Chuck knew even now as he reigned high above his Kingdom that one day he would fall. He would make one wrong decision and everything and everyone would fail him. Perhaps it was fatalistic to some but to Chuck it was reality. Nothing in life was meant to last.

There was only one thing Chuck held sacred and above all the muck that swam around him. Parker. His four year old son; his salvation. Parker hadn't been planned. He'd snuck up on Chuck at a most inopportune time and Chuck hadn't been ready. He'd never been ready for Parker though. His son was a ball of furious energy. He walked before he crawled and when he finally decided to speak it was nearly fully formed sentences that came out. He was amazing and to Chuck he represented everything that was good and right in the world.

Chuck didn't practice hard love with Parker. He sometimes wondered if he was doing his son a disservice. He knew Bart had felt that way when he was still alive but Parker had been the one aspect of Chuck's life that he'd kept total control over. No one made any decisions about his son but him. He decided who spent time with Parker, what food he ate, what movies he watched – he did everything for his son and he was far prouder of that than he was of any of the so called brilliant business decisions he'd made for BE. Parker was his entire world and everything else was just the trimming, the buzzing he sometimes put up with.

"Mr. Bass." His secretary beeped in and Chuck turned away from his view to answer it.

Today was an important board meeting. Chuck was gathering all the major stock holders to vote on a new venture he'd put together. He'd decided that he wanted to buy a city block downtown, bulldoze the current buildings and create a new super retreat for the rich and famous. It was still in the planning phases but if all went well today it would move into development. Chuck was really psyched for this project. He'd found the land himself and with a little input from his trusted business associates he'd come up with his current plan. It could bring Bass into a new realm of success and that was what Chuck wanted more than anything. He wanted his last name synonymous with his triumphs not his fathers.

"Yes, Madison," he answered trying to keep the annoyance out of his voice. It was more than likely Georgina pestering him with more wedding plans. The event was nearly five months away and he could not have cared less about what she did with it. If it were up to him they would have gone down to the courthouse and gotten it over with. He'd done the big white wedding once and it had turned out to be a total farce. Georgina was determined to make their wedding the society event of the year so Chuck had little choice but to go along with it.

"Jack is here and would like a moment. Are you available?"

Chuck sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was already getting a head ache. In the recent months since Bart's murder Jack had really come through for Chuck. He'd put aside all his petty jealousies and acted as Chuck's right hand through the complicated process of transferring Bart's assets. At first Chuck had been wary of his uncle. Any fool could see that Jack always operated from a place of self interest. Chuck wasn't turning a blind eye to that nor was he turning his back in Jack's direction anytime soon. Jack would just as soon support him as stab a knife in his gut. But for now Jack was a tool he was using.

"Send him in," Chuck answered after a pause. He turned his chair around so his back was to Jack entering and watched the storm clouds build outside of his window. His pampered board members would not appreciate coming in in this rain storm but they would have to deal. He wasn't pushing back this decision any longer.

"Charles!" Jack's loud booming voice filled the room but Chuck still didn't turn back to face him. It was always best to keep Jack on his toes. If he got too confident with you he tended to step out of line. Chuck didn't have time to remind him who was boss this week. "Got a minute…" Some of his bravado waned and Chuck smiled to himself.

Slowly, Chuck turned his chair back around and faced Jack. His uncle stood just inside his door and smiled wide when Chuck finally graced him with his attention.

"You ready for today, kid?" Jack loved reminding Chuck that he was senior but Chuck was beyond caring. He owned Bass. He ran Bass. Jack was his employee. As far as Chuck could tell all the balls were in his court. Jack could have his petty nicknames if he needed them.

"I'm always ready," Chuck told him coolly. Jack nodded and rushed towards Chuck at the desk. He checked himself at the last minute and slid back into one of the chairs in front of the desk. Jack seemed more hopped up than usual and Chuck had a sneaking suspicion he was using again.

"Right, right of course. This is a great deal. I was going over the proposal and there is no way they'll turn you down. You'll have them all eating out of your pocket." His words were rapid fire and Chuck simply nodded in agreement. Jack was in ass kissing mode and Chuck was easily bored.

"Mr. Bass?" Madison's monotone voice buzzed back in and Chuck was grateful for the reprieve from Jack's pathetic (and unneeded) pep talk.

"Yes?" Chuck answered and motioned for Jack to be quiet.

"Ms. Bainbridge is on the phone."

Chuck's heart stumbled for a second before he could get it back under control. Ms. Bainbridge was Parker's nanny and she very rarely bothered him during the day unless there was an emergency. Chuck jerked up the phone quickly and instructed Madison to put the older woman through.

"Is everything alright?" He asked immediately. He glanced in Jack's direction and saw his uncle watching him with rapt fascination. That worried him a bit. He felt like he was always on display with Jack. Any weakness his uncle would jump on and that worried Chuck. He knew he could handle whatever Jack threw at him but if Jack even thought about using Parker Chuck would have to find a more permanent means of getting Jack out of their lives. Australia wouldn't be far enough this time.

"Oh, yes Mr. Bass. No major emergencies on my end. I called because I told the little one I would. We've spent the morning in the park and he's insisting that he be brought by your office for a visit. We're just around the corner but I wanted to make sure you were in before we popped by."

Ms. Bainbridge was a 63 year old English woman who was cultured, competent and amazing with Parker. She treated him like he was one of her own grandchildren and Chuck felt good knowing his son was with a woman who could give him the emotional support Chuck had never received. Parker seemed to love her and Chuck was confident that his son was getting all the care any young child should. At times Chuck wondered what the lack of a mother did to Parker but unfortunately for his son the pickings were slim. His own mother was out of the question, and while Chuck enjoyed his time with Georgina he didn't trust her anywhere near his son and she didn't seem inclined to change that arrangement anytime soon.

"I'll let security know you're coming up. Thank you, Ms. Bainbridge." Chuck hung up quickly and turned back to Jack. He wanted him out of there before Parker arrived. Jack liked to pretend he was a doting uncle with Chuck's child but the less exposure the better in Chuck's mind.

"The little guy coming up?" Jack smiled wide, too wide. "I'll stick around. I haven't seen him in a while. I bet he's getting big." Jack tried to bait Chuck into a conversation about his child but Chuck didn't bite. He didn't discuss Parker with many people.

"Don't you have things to do before the meeting, Jack?" Chuck dismissed him coldly. Anger spiked in Jack's eyes for a minute before he smothered it again and forced a congenial grin back onto his face.

"You're right. Another time then." Jack headed towards the door and Chuck turned his chair back towards the window. He imagined Parker was coming through the lobby right then and going to all his favorite guards and getting his usual treats. Parker loved visiting Chuck at BE because everyone spoiled him with attention and candy. Chuck didn't even bother discouraging his employees. Parker just had that affect on people.

"Chuck?" Jack called out again and Chuck closed his eyes in frustration. He stayed silent waiting for the man to continue. "Don't overwork yourself, kid. You're on top of the world. Nothing can bring you down now."

The door clicked and Chuck knew he was finally alone. Jack's little pep talk was suspicious and got Chuck's guard up. His uncle was planning something. Before Chuck could contemplate this further his door was thrown open again and he barely had time to turn his chair around before Parker was running into him and climbing onto his lap. Chuck smiled down at his son and wrapped him in his arms.

"Big hug." Parker demanded and Chuck laughed and squeezed his son tighter. "Good enough." Parker settled down in Chuck's lap and immediately began grabbing at everything on his desk. He scribbled something on Chuck's calendar while Chuck focused on Ms. Bainbridge.

"He's been a terror all morning." She sent a teasing look at Parker and he smiled brightly back at her. His sunny disposition was always a shock to Chuck. He never would have thought that he and Parker's mother could have created such a child. Neither one of them were ever what you could consider cheery or even happy most of the time.

"I'm perfect and you told me so." Parker said right back but never lifted his head from doodling on Chuck's desk. Chuck usually came away with some very interesting paper work after these visits. Bart used to hate it when Parker would come by. He loved his grandson but the office was not a place for children in Bart's opinion. Chuck didn't much care what his father or anyone else thought. Parker would never feel neglected or unwanted. If Chuck got one thing right in his life it would be that.

"Go ahead and take a break, Ms. Bainbridge. He can stay with me for the next half hour. Then I'll need you to pick him back up." Chuck barely noticed when the woman exited. He was riveted to the picture his son was drawing. "What is it?" He asked like he always did. This was their game and Parker would be disappointed if he didn't play along.

"A bird." Parker grinned like a Cheshire cat.

"I don't think so. Birds don't have four legs." Chuck told him sternly.

Parker giggled. "A cat."

"Cat's don't have such long noses." Chuck did his best to look very disapproving. It was hard not to crack a smile though. Parker liked it when his daddy played make believe and Chuck liked to make sure that no one else ever saw him make such a fool out of himself.

"Daddy!" Parker giggled. "You guess now."

Chuck made a big show of examining the picture. Then he sat back and scratched at his head and made all the funny faces that made Parker smile. Finally, when he'd played it up as much as he could he sat forward again and guessed.

"A horse?"

"You're a genus, daddy." Parker told him exuberantly and threw his arms around Chuck's neck. Chuck ruffled his soft brown hair and settled him back down on his lap.

"Genius," Chuck corrected. Serena said it did Parker no good to go on pronouncing things incorrectly. Chuck didn't really see the issue with it but Serena was supposed to be all knowing with this type of stuff so Chuck tended to take her opinion over others. "You've been hinting a lot lately." Chuck eyed his son.

Parker avoided his probing gaze and jumped off his lap. He headed over to the window and smashed his face against the glass. Parker loved the view almost as much as Chuck.

"I like horses," he whispered in his little boy voice. This was his 'sweet' voice. He only used it when he was really trying to butter Chuck up before going in for the kill.

"I know you do. You talk about them all the time." Chuck continued to watch him wondering when he'd finally drop the bomb. Parker liked to finesse a situation. He wasn't like Chuck in that way.

"I really, really like them, daddy. Grandma Lily really likes them too. She takes me to see them all the time and she said that…" His voice trailed off and he turned back to the view again.

"She said what?" Chuck pressed trying not to smile.

"She would get me one if you said it was okay." He said this really fast and Chuck almost couldn't understand him. But he got the general gist. "Can she daddy? Please." He drew the word out until it was long and whiney and threw himself back onto Chuck's legs, wrinkling his suit and no doubt smudging the material. Chuck had given up a perfect appearance during the first week of Parker's life. He liked getting Chuck dirty and Chuck didn't have the heart to scold him for it. Kids were meant to be messy and fathers were meant to put up with it.

"I'll think about it," Chuck allowed. In truth he and Lily had already had many discussions about this. He wasn't sure Parker was old enough to start riding a horse yet. He was still a bit away from his fifth birthday. Lily insisted it would be fine and the trainers would take good care of Parker but Chuck was overprotective and wasn't ready to take that leap quite yet. Eventually Lily and Parker would wear him down but he needed a little more time to get used to the idea.

"Daddy." Parker gave him a stern look that meant he was not pleased with that answer.

"Parker." Chuck gave him the very same look.

The two Bass boys faced off against each other until Parker finally sighed and slid back down in Chucks lap. He mumbled a petulant "fine" before going back to doodling on Chuck's desk. It was another horse and this time Chuck did laugh.

"Mr. Bass." Madison's voice came through again.

Parker climbed up on the desk quickly and grabbed for the phone before Chuck could reach it. Parker loved to pretend like he was the boss and order everyone around. Chuck just couldn't imagine where he'd gotten that little quirk from. Some things were just born into you he supposed.

"Bass, here." Parker kept his voice as level and 'businesslike' as he could manage.

Madison clearly had to stifle a smile as she responded. "Your sister is here and would like an audience with you. May I send her in?"

"S!" Parker squealed childishly and jumped off the desk quickly. He raced to the door and threw it open before Chuck could manage a 'send her in'. Serena was waiting on the other side of the door with a big smile and open arms. Parker bulldozed into her and she lifted him into the air swinging him around a few times for good measure.

Chuck rolled his eyes at Serena's antics. She said Chuck spoiled the boy but she was just as bad. There wasn't anything Parker couldn't con his aunt out of and Nate was just as bad. Chuck was happy Parker had them though. Sometimes business kept him away and Chuck liked that Parker had a second family he could turn to. Ms. Bainbridge was great but Chuck wanted more for his child and Serena and Nate provided that in spades. They loved and doted on him like he was their own.

"I was so surprised when they told me you were in the building. I had to rush right up." Serena told Parker as she carried him back into Chuck's office and shut the door behind them. Parker stayed glued to Serena's side and Chuck rolled his eyes at both of them. "Oh you're just jealous because your baby loves me." Serena teased and Parker giggled and gave her a big kiss on the cheek for good measure. He loved making Chuck 'jealous'.

"I'm terribly envious," Chuck agreed.

"You can share me," Parker told them magnanimously.

"I don't know if I can." Serena giggled and began peppering her nephew with kisses. He squealed and she continued with the game. Chuck allowed it for a few minutes but the game became tedious and he interrupted their little love fest.

"You're early for the board meeting." Chuck acknowledged and Serena let Parker slide out of her arms. He rushed back over to the window where a helicopter could be seen just above allowing Serena and Chuck a bit of privacy.

"I come baring… news." Serena decided on her words carefully. Chuck's eyebrows immediately rose. This did not sound promising. He glanced back at Parker behind him and found him still following the trail of the copter.

"Spit it out, Serena." He growled. If this had something to do with his proposal today he was really going to be furious. He had already gone over this with Serena, Lily and Eric and they had all agreed to vote with him. Serena had been more reluctant because he was closing down some homeless shelters but he'd compromised and promised to find future placement for those he displaced. If her conscious was getting the best of her again he was going to kick her out on her ass.

"You need to remember your son is in the room, Chuck." Serena stepped in closer and dropped her voice to a whisper. She watched Parker carefully to make sure he wasn't picking up on the sudden tension in the room.

"Serena, I won't say it again." He was gritting his teeth. He just knew her new do gooder shtick was going to fuck up his life eventually. He'd funded her damn foundation what more did she need from him. "Get it over with," he demanded. He liked his bad news up front and quick.

"Blair's in town."

Her name landed like a thud around the room. Chuck jerked around to make sure Parker hadn't heard and let out a relieved breath when he saw his son was still occupied. Blair. He still couldn't process what Serena had just told him. He hadn't seen Blair since Serena's wedding and it hadn't been a happy occasion. She'd wanted to see Parker and he'd been contemplating it until Carter arrived on her arm to the wedding. As far as he was concerned Carter proved that his ex wife was still crazy and she nor her boyfriend were getting anywhere near Chuck's child. If she was coming back now to contest custody again she was going to be in for a rude awakening.

"What the fuck is she doing in town, Serena. If you're going behind my back again-" The threat was implicit in his voice. His sister had betrayed him once before and it had taken him months to let her back in. He hadn't done it for Serena but for Parker and he wouldn't be as forgiving a second time.

"No, Chuck." She swore and he saw the honesty in her eyes. Serena was a terrible liar. He relaxed a bit then and waited for an explanation. "My mom just called me and told me. She just dropped it on me actually." Serena was clearly frustrated with Lily. "Chuck you might want to sit down you're not going to like this."

"I can't control where Blair visits but she's not going anywhere near him." Chuck nodded towards Parker.

"No, Chuck you don't understand-" Serena tried to explain but Parker bounded back over to them before she could. "Parks can we have another minute?" Serena put on her best begging smile.

Parker wasn't buying it though. "Daddy can we go up to the restaurant. I want a cold hot chocolate and some of those biscuit thingies that Aunt S loves. Remember?" He turned to Serena looking for back up.

"Parker-" Serena was going to bargain with him that much was clear.

"Sure. Daddy has a meeting soon so we'll go now." Parker jumped up and down excitedly and pulled on Chuck's arm ready to get going. Chuck followed him and turned back to Serena at the door. "We can finish this later when we're alone."

"Chuck!" Serena called out to him panicked but he didn't heed her warning and headed with Parker towards the elevator bank. She grabbed her purse quickly and hurried after them. If God forbid the worst happened she knew she should be there to… help the situation along and protect Parker.

Serena had almost caught up with them when the elevator doors opened and everything seemed to go into slow motion. There was Blair Waldorf in the flesh and right beside her was Carter Baizen. Everyone in the office took immediate notice. They all knew about their bosses high profile wedding and even more scandalous divorce. Audible gasping could be heard, Serena included. Chuck noticed her next. One minute he was listening to Parker jabber on about the special biscuits and the next he was locking eyes with his ex wife and her lover. Chuck jerked to a stop and that alerted Parker to the change in the atmosphere. He glanced around him and then briefly looked back at Serena. He smiled at her and she tried to smile back but she couldn't manage it. His world was about to explode again and it broke Serena's heart. Finally, the inevitable happened. Parker spotted Blair. It took him a minute to place her face to the one in the photographs Auntie Serena kept but once he did he dropped his father's hand and took off full speed ahead. Chuck reached for him but only grasped air. It was like a train wreck and no one could look away.

"Mommy!" Parker yelled out.

Blair seemed almost as stunned as everyone else and it took her a moment before she stooped down and put her arms out. Her son crashed right into them and she held on for dear life. Serena picked up speed nearly running down the hall until she was beside Chuck. He was frozen in place, a look of pure horror on his face as he watched his son clutch his long departed mother. Serena knew that Chuck had convinced himself that Parker didn't need Blair but this scene told a different story and Chuck looked like he wanted to puke. Serena knew the feeling. This could not have been scripted more poorly if someone had tried.

"Hi, baby," Blair whispered and leaned back to look at her child. Parker leaned back as well inspecting her in kind. Their eyes were a nearly identical shade of brown and they currently mirrored one another. He inspected her face, and her hair, and her clothes. Everything about her was under intense scrutiny. She did the same with him. She ran a loving hand through his hair and he reached up and clutched hers in kind. They were like animals in a zoo to each other, a complete rarity, a complete joy.

Carter hung back a bit and looked between the scene unfolding with Blair and her son, and the one in front of them with Chuck Bass and Serena van der Woodsen. Serena's mouth was wide open and Chuck's face was turning to stone. Blair couldn't have planned this more perfectly if she'd tried.

"Parker." Chuck's voice acted like a command and Parker finally released his mother and turned around to look at Chuck. The look on his father's face was something the little boy had never experienced before and he raced back to him quickly. "Go with Serena back to my office."

"Daddy-" Parker began to protest but Chuck cut him a look that immediately silenced him. That was the look that came out when Parker was very close to being reprimanded. Chuck didn't use it much but Parker knew what it looked like and respected it. The little boy glanced back at Blair for a moment, a smile hanging on his lips before he let his aunt guide him away.

Chuck, Carter and Blair were left standing there. Chuck ordered the gawking employees to get back to work and they disappeared as quickly as they had appeared to watch the drama unfold. Blair straightened herself out again and Carter stepped up beside her, resting a steadying hand on her back. Chuck watched them with a horrified intensity until he could look at them no more.

"You're not welcome here, Blair." His voice was void of all emotion. It never failed to amaze him what seeing her did to him. One minute he was perfectly fine and the next he was filled with so much rage he wanted to punch a wall. He would never give her the satisfaction of knowing she got to him though so he kept his cool. "I'll call security if you and that bastard aren't out of my sight immediately."

"Chuck Bass the almighty." Carter sneered at him.

"My patience is running out," Chuck growled. Blair had lost her fucking mind again if she thought she was getting anywhere near his son with Carter Baizen in tow. He had made himself perfectly clear the last time and he hadn't changed his mind. Parker was better off without people like them in his life.

"Mine already did, Chuck." She spoke to him for the first time and he was surprised at the strength in her voice. She almost sounded like the girl he used to know. "And I have every right to be here. You called a board meeting didn't you?" Her eyes locked onto his and it felt like she was literally sucking the air out of his lungs. She was deadly to him. He could never forget that.

"That doesn't concern you," he snapped.

"It concerns us," Carter informed him with a satisfied smirk. "Blair and I own a hefty chunk of BE stock. I would have thought someone would have informed you. Guess you're not as on top of things as you'd like to think." Carter took a sick pleasure in the dismay that came into Chuck's eyes.

"Impossible." Chuck dismissed him but the doubt lingered. Chuck had controlling interest in BE and as far as he knew none of their major stock holders were selling out. Why would they? Chuck had BE at the top of its game. "I'm calling security." He reached for his phone but Blair stopped him.

"Carter and I have been acquiring stock here and there for a few months, not enough to really matter. But then I came to town and saw Lily. I explained how desperate I was to see my son and how I just knew you wouldn't let me. She felt bad for me and agreed that the only way I could get you to come around to my side of things was to play your game. So, here I am darling, playing your game. Carter and I have voting rights now."

Her words didn't make sense for a minute until they finally did and Chuck had serious thoughts of killing Lily. She'd become so emotional and sentimental since his father had been murdered earlier in the year. Chuck had put up with her interference in his life because he cared for her but this was crossing every boundary. He'd have her running for her life before the day was over he decided. Exiling her to somewhere in Europe sounded like a fantastic plan. It had worked with Blair after all.

"Nothing to say?" Blair smirked cruelly.

A terrifying calm swept through Chuck. He'd always known she'd force the issue again eventually and he'd been prepared for that. He'd even agreed to marry Georgie so when this time came he'd have a unified front to present in court. Perhaps she wasn't coming at him legally yet, but she would eventually. He was ready for her. He always had been. She would never catch him off guard again and she would never hurt their child. Never.

"Game on."


	3. FRACTURE

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **I'm trying to roll with my inspiration right now and write this while I can. Thank you to everyone for the feedback I'm glad you're enjoying this. I know it's a bit dark but I promise there will always be a light at the end of the tunnel. ;) Oh and I wanted to comment quickly on the what Blair did thing. I don't like writing a story skewed to one perspective. Of course in Chuck's mind what Blair did (I'm not telling, lol) is quite awful, but that is just one perception. Blair's perception is quite different. It's somewhere in the middle like all things in life and CB are very imperfect. They have good qualities and bad qualities and I intend to delve into both sides in this story. I hope this puts people's minds at ease on that issue.

**You Were Mine**

**Chapter Three**.

**FRACTURE**

The act of breaking or snapping asunder; rupture; _breach_.

Chuck walked back to his office slowly keeping his back ramrod straight and his eyes shuttered from those still lingering around him. He felt pure hatred boiling in his blood in that moment. Seeing her again had been a jolt, seeing her with his son had felt like a thousand knives slicing into him, but seeing her with that smug son of a bitch she paraded around with now made him want to resort to murder. It took everything in him not to call his special security man and have him dispose of Carter Baizen in a more permanent way. Chuck's skin was crawling when he realized Carter had been within feet of Parker. That was unacceptable. He would hire guards to follow Parker day and night if he had to but that situation would never occur again.

His mind switched to business next. It was going to be a nuisance having Blair and her little lackey involved in his company but he was secure in the knowledge that he was better than them in every single way. Carter had had some small time business success and Blair had helped Eleanor run her company competently before Parker had been born but neither were a match for him. It made things uncomfortable that they had Lily's stock but Chuck was already coming up with ways to discredit the woman he thought of as a mother and make sure a judge agreed that her decision to hand Blair her stock was unsound to say the least. Insanity was a common trait in the women Chuck loved.

He ignored his secretary's gawking as he walked past her and went into his office. Serena and Parker were sitting on his couch and Serena was doing her very best to keep his son occupied. Parker jumped up the minute Chuck came in and latched onto his legs. Those deep brown eyes peered up at him in askance and Chuck drew a complete blank. He'd always been able to brush the Blair subject under the table with Parker. The child had vague memories of her from when he was younger, and Serena insisted on bringing her up from time to time but other than that there wasn't a gaping hole in Parker's life. At least Chuck hadn't thought there was. Parker's sprint towards her earlier was putting sickening doubts into his mind no matter how hard he tried to banish them.

"Where's mommy?" Parker asked immediately and Chuck had to grind his teeth together not to snap at his son. It wasn't Parker's fault that he came from such a selfish bitch. That was Chuck's fault and he took full responsibility. He also knew that he had to do everything in his power to make sure Blair didn't hurt his son when she went off the rails again which if her date was any indication was probably going to be soon.

"Parker," Serena jumped in before Chuck could answer. "Let's finish our book and give daddy a minute. He looks a little… under the weather." She settled on. Parker examined his father's face and seemed to find Serena's explanation valid because he released Chuck's leg and headed back over to her.

Chuck knew his reprieve would be short. Parker was nothing if not inquisitive and soon he'd be back over there badgering Chuck about his mommy and why she was there and when he could see her again. Chuck couldn't tell him the truth that mommy was there to ruin daddy and that he would never see her again if Chuck had any say in it and he most definitely did. Blair had planned her sneak attack beautifully but Chuck was going in eyes wide open now and the next victory would be his.

He reached for his phone and called his head of security. Graham Halston was an ex marine and one of the stealthiest men Chuck had ever met. He'd been handling Chuck's personal business for years and this case would be no exception. Chuck ordered him to dig up everything he could on Blair and Carter and their activities in the past year. Their little coup at BE would not go unpunished but Lily was clearly just a pawn and not the mastermind. Next, he called Ms. Bainbridge and told her she was needed immediately. A guard would be escorting her out and Chuck's personal driver would take care to get her and Parker home safely and within the penthouse so no more sneak attacks could occur. Chuck wouldn't put it past Blair to go after Parker and he was taking no chances. When he was finished setting everything up he called Parker back over to him. Serena gave him a warning glare that he ignored.

"Ms. Bainbridge will be here any minute and I've already called someone to bring you down some frozen hot chocolate for the trip home." Chuck smiled at Parker as he climbed onto Chuck's lap and hoped this concession would appease him.

Parker frowned. "We were going to the zoo. I wanted to see the monkeys. And then Grandma Lily said I could go with her to see the horses again. It's Tuesday, remember?" Parker was getting agitated and Chuck knew a tantrum was on its way.

"Unfortunately, we're going to have to reschedule. Grandma Lily is going to be quite busy and the zoo is out of the question this afternoon. You'll have to play at home. I'm sure Ms. Bainbridge will find something to entertain you." Chuck's words were stiff and he felt completely out of sorts being this strict. It was for Parker's own good though. He had to be protected.

Parker's lip began to wobble and tears collected behind his eyes. Chuck looked away from him and back at Serena. She didn't make a move to help him though.

"I wanna go to the zoo and see the monkeys." Parker began the waterworks special and Chuck watched him helplessly. He couldn't bend on this though. There was no telling what Blair had in store and Carter was just the kind of criminal who wouldn't think twice about stealing a child.

"Not today," Chuck snapped and immediately regretted it. Parker began crying harder and Chuck sighed in frustration. A day that started out with such promise was quickly going to hell.

"Chuck, he's a child and he doesn't understand." Serena was using her pissed off authoritarian voice that really annoyed Chuck but he knew he deserved it this time.

She was right. Parker was caught in the middle of a war he could never understand. Chuck had never told him much about the situation with Blair. He'd just said that his mommy couldn't be around but that of course she loved Parker. Perhaps he should have been more blunt and hard but no matter how much he hated his ex wife he couldn't do that to his son. Parker would learn the truth eventually and that would be soon enough.

"I'm sorry," Chuck whispered into Parker's ear and kissed the top of his head. He smelled like his special French children's shampoo that Cyrus and Eleanor continued to send in bulk. Chuck always grumbled when the packages arrived but he used the supplies anyway. Parker liked them.

"Can I see the monkeys?" Parker looked up at his father with a woe be gone expression and Chuck's heart lurched in it's cold grey spot. He wanted to say yes but he couldn't. Parker realized that without his father speaking and began crying again. This time loud sobs and Chuck just held him trying to think of something to make up for it.

Finally, he came up with the perfect solution. "But," he got Parkers attention again, "I can arrange for a private viewing at home. We'll have to convince Ms. Bainbridge not to quit but I'm sure you can handle that." He gave Parker a conspiratorial wink and his son brightened up immediately.

"Could they bring two? A big one and a little one?" Parker's sadness had dissipated so fast Chuck almost had whip lash. "And one with the funny butt?"

"The funny butt?" Chuck repeated like his son was speaking in a foreign language.

Serena finally got up and came over to them a smile back on her face. "Yeah, you know Chuck the funny butt monkeys." She was doing her best not to laugh and Chuck was doing his best to glare but neither one of them could hold it. The things that came out of Parker's mouth sometimes were truly astonishing.

"I'm sure I can round one of them up," he agreed. Parker threw his arms around Chuck's neck and peppered his father's face with kisses like Serena always peppered his. Chuck allowed this display for a minute before pulling Parker back down to eye level. "This means you'll have to follow everything Ms. Bainbridge says today and you'll have to agree to forego the horse visit. Deal?"

Parker wavered for a minute. He truly did love those horses. But he was a Bass and he recognized a losing situation when he was in one. He couldn't push his father much further today. "Deal." He shook Chuck's hand and then dived in for another hug.

Ms. Bainbridge popped in a minute later and Parker ran right to her telling her about all the funny monkeys that were coming over for a visit. She shot Chuck an alarmed look before pasting a smile on and agreeing that would make for a lovely afternoon.

"Give daddy a hug." Chuck called Parker back and Parker did as he was told hugging Chuck quickly and then doing the same to Serena before he practically hauled Ms. Bainbridge out of the office so they could get home and wait for the monkeys.

"I can't believe you agreed to do that." Serena rolled her eyes used to Chuck's over the top parenting style.

Chuck didn't respond. He picked up his phone and told Madison to get on the monkey situation. She seemed a little surprised at first but then as always she agreed to have it done and hung up. Chuck was relieved that Parker would soon be out of the same building and there was no way Blair could get to him at the penthouse. That was Chuck's fortress and no one got in there without his say so. Blair's name had been scratched off the guest list long ago.

Serena started in on him the minute he set down the phone. "You know you can't keep him locked up in your penthouse under armed guard."

"Why not?" Chuck shot right back. He could do whatever he needed to do to protect his child. He's already proved that. "Parker will only get confused with her around."

"She's his mother, Chuck." There was pity in Serena's voice and Chuck hated the sound. Once upon a time Blair and Serena had been like sisters but when everything had gone down Serena had ended up siding more with Chuck and Blair had never been able to forgive it. Chuck had never forgotten it either. It was why as much shit as he gave Serena he really did appreciate her and everything she'd done for him and his son.

"She gave up that right a long time ago." He brushed this off like he always did. Serena had tried many times over the last few years to have this conversation with him and he'd never allowed it. Serena had a bleeding heart but Chuck did not. He'd been a sucker before for Blair and it had cost him too much in the end.

"No, Chuck, you took it from her." Serena wasn't backing down and Chuck looked up from his paper work to glare at her. "I know that you love your son and you just want to protect him but this is not the way. Blair is better. She has her life together now-"

Chuck laughed. "Carter Baizen is having her life together? Sell her sob story somewhere else, Serena. I don't take chances with Parker." Chuck glanced at the clock and saw that the board meeting was just about to begin. He'd wanted to get in a call to Lily but that would have to wait. "I have a meeting to attend and so do you."

"I'm not going to drop it this time." Serena warned him as they exited his office and headed for the elevators again. Thankfully, Carter and Blair had long since deserted. "Chuck!" Serena grabbed his arm and pulled him around so they were facing. A few employees stopped to stare but Serena ignored them. "At least talk to her."

Chuck carefully removed Serena's hand from his arm and walked away from her without another word. There was nothing Blair had to say that Chuck was interested in hearing. She had burned her bridges by coming here with Carter Baizen and fucking with his company. She wasn't going to get a chance to do the same with his son.

Blair paced nervously around the board room and stared at the clock. People would be arriving soon and she had to pull it together. She glanced at Carter sitting down so casually. It was like he didn't have a care in the world. Blair loved and hated that about Carter. Sometimes she just wanted to throttle him and sometimes he was the only person who could get her to relax. There would be no relaxing today though. She'd seen Parker for the first time in nearly two years and he'd grown so much. She hadn't expected to run into him today but her heart had nearly jumped out of her chest when she'd spotted him. The best part was him recognizing her though. She had imagined that Chuck had erased all traces of her but her baby still remembered. It made all of this seem even more necessary. She might be dealing with one kind of devil to beat another but she would find a way to manage it all and all the men in her life. Carter was easy. He cared for her and was on her team. She trusted him for the most part. Chuck could never be described as easy but she knew him pretty well and could at least predict the way he would react to things. Jack Bass was the wild card.

"You need to sit down, Blair." Carter told her coolly and she just rolled her eyes at him. She wasn't in the mood to take orders. "He probably has cameras in here watching your every move," he added.

Blair scoffed at this at first but then realized this was her ex husband they were talking about and it was extremely likely that Carter was right. She took a moment to glance around the room before she decided to take her seat. She needed to look calm and reposed when Chuck walked in. He couldn't think he rattled her. If he did the game would be over before it even began.

The door to the conference room opened and some old stodgy white men came in with an older woman that Blair remembered from her time as Mrs. Bass. These were the principal stock holders. Only Chuck, Serena, Eric and Jack were missing. Jack Bass walked in next. His suit was too flashy, his smile too wide. Blair would never trust him but they needed each other right then. He glanced in her direction and winked and she looked away. How dumb could he be. Carter caught it as well and frowned.

"He's going to fuck this whole thing up," Carter predicted in a whisper. Blair said nothing.

This whole thing had started as Jack's idea. He'd found her and Carter in Monaco and proposed a deal: He would help her get her son back and she would help him steal what was 'rightfully' his from Chuck. Jack hated his nephew almost as much as Blair did and he had a serious desire to ruin Chuck's progress with BE so he could take the company himself. Blair thought he was quite deluded but she was willing to use that to her advantage. Chuck had gotten lax on the Jack situation since Bart's death earlier in the year. According to Jack and the contacts Carter had spoken too Chuck had let Jack advance up the company latter and the conniving asshole was considered Chuck's right hand man. This never would have happened if Bart were alive but Blair was going to do all she could to exploit it for now.

The stock had actually been a brilliant idea. Jack had procured the information on the stock holders and Carter and Blair had made their deals quietly. They all knew the quicker Chuck found out, the quicker he would go into attack mode. They needed as much time to plan as possible. Lily was the last piece of the puzzle. Jack wasn't willing to hand over any of his stock and everyone else on the board was so thrilled with Chuck's leadership that they wouldn't budge either. It was the mother card that worked with Lily. Blair had turned on the water works and split her soul open just a bit and Lily had been signing on the dotted line.

The door opened again and Eric walked in. He spotted Blair and gave her a little head nod. Clearly, he'd heard the news from his mother. He didn't seem angry but he didn't seem the most welcoming either. Blair had long since accepted that Eric was loyal to Chuck. In fact, it seemed like everyone from her old life was loyal to Chuck. Nate was clearly on Team Chuck and while Serena had never totally turned her back on Blair her loyalties were split in a 60/40 way and Blair had not been the winner in that contest. Thinking about it brought up some buried bitterness Blair was doing her best to forget. For any of this to work she would need Serena's support. It was just hard looking at the girl she'd once considered a sister and seeing a traitor in her place. To make it worse Serena was a traitor who got to spend all the time she wanted with Blair's child. That stung more than anything and fueled the anger churning inside of Blair.

A few more executives came into the room and soon everyone had taken their seats. They were only waiting on Chuck and Serena and Blair could just imagine what was keeping him. He was probably on the phone with his lawyers as they all sat there. A minute later he finally arrived with a peeved Serena right behind him. She smiled smally in Blair's direction before taking her seat beside Eric. Chuck headed to the front of the table and addressed his board with a confidence that suited him. Jack had been wrong. Chuck was brilliant at what he did. A knot formed in Blair's stomach. This was going to be a massacre.

Chuck began his spiel to the board and studiously avoided looking at both Blair and Carter. He went through his proposal and answered the few questions that popped up. Blair kept silent, biding her time. She could tell Carter was itching to make a scene and embarrass Chuck but they had both agreed they had to play this just right. The board couldn't see them as petty people out for revenge. They needed to be respected. Their opinions needed to matter. Jack had given them the perfect opening to sabotage this deal and Blair wasn't going to waste it by looking like a vengeful shrew just out to get her ex husband.

Chuck closed his argument and went right into voting. Blair knew this was her chance and she took it.

"I'm sorry but there's one thing I need for you to clarify," Blair interrupted. Everyone's eyes slid to her. They'd been trying not to stare the entire meeting but they finally had a valid reason to look at the disgraced ex wife of their CEO.

Chuck gritted his teeth and didn't speak until he'd reigned his anger in. Just hearing her voice made him sick. "Yes." He sounded cold and hard and he couldn't hide it. He got a few surreptitious glances from around the room but he ignored them.

"Well," Blair stood up for effect successfully commanding everyone's attention. "I've read through your proposal and everything sounds good except I'm confused… where are displaced homeless people supposed to go. Are you going to provide accommodations for them?"

Serena jumped in before Chuck could speak. "I was concerned about the same thing but Chuck assured me he had something set up." She turned to Chuck with a loyal smile. She wanted him to know she was behind him on this even if they didn't agree on everything. He'd put so much time and energy into this project. She knew Blair was just doing this because of Parker but Serena believed there were better ways. You didn't poke a sleeping lion with a stick, you slowly coaxed them awake. Serena intended to do that and hoped Blair didn't do too much damage in the meanwhile.

"Exactly." Chuck seemed to believe the issue was dropped and began to call for a vote again.

"Where are you placing them? I'd like more details on this." Blair watched him coolly. On the outside he was reposed but on the inside he was starting to sweat. He pinched the bridge of his nose and that was a clear giveaway. When they were married and everything was falling apart he used to do that a lot. He'd be all calm and quiet and soothing with his words but inside he was raging.

"I'm placing them, Blair. That's all you need to know." He snapped and slammed his hand down onto the table. The board members began to look nervous and Blair smiled in triumph. Chuck wasn't winning this round.

"Where are you placing them, Chuck." Their eyes locked and Blair's stomach dropped. Facing off with him was like jumping off of a cliff. She was terrified and exhilarated all at the same time.

Chuck looked like he wanted to jump across the table and strangle Blair but he stayed in place. He looked away for a minute, took a deep breath and then forced an answer out. "I haven't handled that side of it just yet. But I will." He assured everyone.

Murmurs started up and Chuck knew he'd lost the winning vote.

"Chuck…" Serena looked more than a little upset.

"I don't feel right about kicking out a bunch of homeless people with nowhere to go," Eric admitted with an apologetic shrug.

"The bad press would sink us," another board member chimed in.

"The New Yorker will do another sketch of you with devil horns. PR people had a hard enough time revamping your image last time. Doting single fathers don't trample the homeless, Mr. Bass." Another nameless, faceless man piped in.

"I propose that we table this vote until Chuck can get this all… handled." Blair smirked at Chuck across the table when everyone else began chiming in in agreement.

"Very well. Meeting adjourned." Chuck walked out of the room and everyone went silent again. It was clear he was beyond displeased. Some began to whisper about it being a mistake to anger him, while others said he still had a lot to learn. Blair had accomplished what she had set out to do. Doubts were creeping in.

Jack passed by Blair and whispered a quiet "well done" before chasing Chuck out of the office. He would be working that end and now Blair had to work hers. That meant getting Serena alone. It was time to play the tortured mommy card.

Serena was standing off to the side with Eric. She looked less than happy. Blair should have known Chuck would lie to her about his little project. From what Blair had gathered Serena had become quite a defender of the down trodden.

"I'll meet you at the limo." Blair whispered in Carter's ear and kissed his cheek. He nodded and exited quietly. "Serena?" Blair called out before her former best friend could leave the room.

The blonde turned around and surprise was apparent on her face. Blair and Serena rarely spoke at all. Blair had attended Serena's wedding but beyond that it had been random emails and half hearted birthday phone calls. Sometimes Blair regretted the way things had gone but then she remembered that Serena had turned her back first. Chuck had become more important to Serena and that wasn't forgivable in Blair's mind or heart.

"Hi, Blair. Welcome back." Serena gave her a weary smile.

"Care to grab some coffee. I hear they have a fabulous café in the building. As a new stock holder I'm curious to see what this company has to offer." Blair trained her features to look warm and inviting. Serena knew her well but she didn't seem to detect the coolness beneath Blair's façade and immediately agreed.

They headed to the top of the building from the board room. Blair secretly hoped she could run into Parker again. She had already missed so much of his life it seemed beyond unfair that she had to miss another second. Knowing Chuck though he had the National Guard protecting their son from her by now. That sinking bitter feeling filled her chest again and she had to force it back down before she looked at Serena. For all intents and purposes Serena was her sons pseudo mother. That cut like a jagged knife and if Blair wasn't careful Serena would see that she wanted nothing more than to stick that knife in Serena's back.

"I have to admit I was surprised when my mom called me, Blair. Last time we talked you and Carter were traveling in Italy. I didn't expect to see you back in New York… with BE stock." Serena raised her eye brows in question. Some things would never change and Serena van der Woodsen's "no bullshit" look was one of those things.

Blair felt 16 all over again, forced to confess that she'd lost her virginity to her best (worst) friend in the back of a limo. Chuck Bass had turned out to be the first everything for her. Her first kiss at ten when she'd forced him to enact her favorite scene from a movie. He'd bitched and moaned the entire time and Blair had run off immediately wiping at her lips. It had been awful and wonderful all at the same time because they'd beat Nate and Serena to it and had lorded it over their heads for years to come.

He was her first time as well. Sixteen, depressed and heartbroken over the dissolution of her family, Chuck had been the only person who got her. Serena always tried to cheer her up and Nate's answer was beer or pot but Chuck never tried to make her feel better. He just stayed with her, allowed her to shop for him at times, allowed her to scream at him at others. He didn't treat her like a broken doll. He thought she was strong and eventually she had been. That night in his limo had been special to her. He'd been THE Chuck Bass and she'd been Blair Waldorf Queen of Constance. But they'd lost their personas in his limo. He'd just been her best friend and she'd been his. He'd kissed her and it had felt good. Everything had felt good with him back then. Afterwards they had both brushed it aside. He was meant for whoring and she was meant for high society. She held that memory in for so long but every time it would begin to fade he'd come back around again… make her feel so many things she never wanted to feel. That was his power over her though. She could never be indifferent to him like she was to so much else in life.

"Blair?" Serena pulled her back to the present.

Blair blinked the memories away and shoved them back down where they belonged. That boy from so long ago was not the man she knew today. He'd changed and so had she. She had to remember that.

"I'm sorry it's been quite a long day for me." Blair ordered cappuccino and Serena did the same. "How have you been, Serena?" Blair asked solicitously. Serena was a newlywed with the guy she'd been in love with since she was five. Blair was sure life was just peachy for her.

"I'm good. Nate is good. Life is good." Serena's smile didn't quite reach her eyes but Blair ignored that. Whatever was going on in Princess Perfect's life couldn't be her concern. She had an agenda to keep up with. "What about you? Still with Carter I see." Serena said this with disapproval and Blair had to stop herself from rolling her eyes.

"Yes, imagine." Blair had to turn this conversation around quick or she'd be snapping at Serena in no time. "I'm sorry if I upset you in the meeting. I thought you and Chuck were so close he would have confided in you about this deal. I just can't live with the thought of kicking out all those poor helpless people. I'm sure Chuck just didn't think about it." Blair sipped at her drink and watched carefully for Serena's reaction.

"I'm sure." Serena didn't seem sure at all and Blair latched onto that.

"The truth is Serena I didn't come back for BE." Blair spoke earnestly because at least she could be truthful about this. Serena leaned in eager to hear more and Blair chose her moment carefully. She had to reel Serena in slowly or she'd lose her before the game even kicked into high gear. "I came back for Parker." Real tears welled in Blair's eyes when she said her son's name and Serena immediately reached out for her hand. It might have been a hollow comfort but Blair let it linger for a moment.

"I figured as much, Blair." Serena released Blair's hand and sat back in her seat. She gave Blair the same scrutiny that Blair had just given her. These two had been through wars together and knew way too much about each other. The time for bull shit had passed and Blair realized it. The only chance with Serena was being as brutally honest as possible without giving it all away.

"I'm not going to let Chuck keep him from me any longer. I know I messed up before but I was in a bad place… I was sick, Serena." Blair hated admitting that. It still felt like such a weakness but Blair couldn't change it. She could only move on from here. If Chuck was any kind of sane himself he would see that was the rational way of thinking. "Chuck is punishing me for something I can't control."

"I know," Serena agreed. "Chuck is… Chuck is Chuck." Serena shrugged helplessly. She still wasn't willing to throw him under a bus but she wasn't shutting Blair out either. That was key. "He thinks he's doing the best thing for Parker. You have to understand, Blair. Parker is his life. He would do anything for that little boy. He's not like Bart. He loves BE, sure, but he loves Parker so much more. Sunday is Parker's day." Serena smiled to herself. "Chuck turns off his phone and devotes all his time to his son. He really is a good dad." Serena promised passionately.

Blair felt like she was being kicked in the gut over and over again as Serena spoke. That should have been her life and it could have been.

"I'm sorry." Serena stopped herself when she saw the look on Blair's face. "I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear. I just thought you should know that Parker is a happy child. He wants for nothing."

"Except a mother," Blair reminded her coolly. Serena flinched and Blair took some satisfaction in that. "I'm sure you do your best and there's that awful Georgina Sparks as well-" Before Blair could finish Serena interrupted her.

"Georgina doesn't go anywhere near, Parker. They have a natural aversion to each other. Chuck would never leave her around his son," Serena assured her.

"My son," Blair snapped. Serena looked down repentantly and Blair had to get herself back on track. "Look, Serena, I didn't ask you up here to fight. I need your help. Chuck trusts you and Parker loves you. I need an ally in my corner if I'm going to have any hope of seeing my child grow up. I think I deserve that much, don't you?" Blair speared Serena with her eyes. She couldn't back down from this.

Serena fidgeted in her seat and finally looked away. "Of course you do, Blair," she whispered. Regret weighed heavy in her voice and for a minute Blair yearned for her best friend to just come back to her. She wanted to find a way to fix the mess they'd made of their lives. That was impossible though. A gulf existed between she and Serena and nothing was going to close it.

"Then help me." Blair let her reserve go for a minute and pleaded. "Chuck hates me and he can't see reason when I'm involved. If you talked to him and-"

Serena shook her head and cut Blair off. "You don't think I've tried? I've been talking to Chuck for the past four years, but Blair you have to understand that you didn't just break Chuck's heart. In his mind you broke Parker's. That's what he'll never forgive."

"I was sick, Serena. Do you think I wanted it to be like this? Do you think I really wanted to hurt my child? My husband? I loved them both and I wanted a life with them. I tried a million times to make it up to, Chuck. He refused to even give me a chance." Blair was raising her voice and people were starting to stare but she didn't care. This had been bottled up inside of her for years.

Serena leaned in and lowered her voice so no one could hear her. "You tried to kill yourself, Blair. That's not exactly a mistake." Serena had never used that tone of voice before and Blair felt sucker punched.

"It was an accident," Blair shot right back. The fight was going out of her though. She hated thinking back on that time of her life. Everything had been spinning out of control for so long, and then… then she'd just lost it. Sanity was a hard thing to hold onto and Blair knew that all too well.

"Blair…" Serena softened again. "I know that you were in a bad place. I think about that time in our lives all the time. I should have seen it. I should have done something to help you but I didn't. I don't know what to say…" Serena couldn't look Blair in the eyes anymore.

"Help me now," Blair nearly begged.

"I'll talk to him again but I can't make any promises. You're not a subject that he enjoys discussing." Serena sighed and turned back towards the window.

Blair had a feeling that was the understatement of the year. If Chuck's reaction to her earlier was any indication his hatred had not died down during her absence. If it was at all possible it had grown. Now he could barely look at her. Blair knew that had something to do with Carter but it had to be more than that.

"Thank you." Blair dropped some money on the table and quietly exited the café leaving Serena behind. She knew that Chuck wouldn't just invite her into his living room because Serena told him too but this was one step closer to getting her son back. This time next year she would have Parker. She had to believe that.

She climbed into the limo and found Carter lounging back with his usual drink.

"How did it go?" He asked the minute she settled in and the driver took off towards their hotel.

"As well as I expected. She'll work on, Chuck." Blair slid back against the cool leather seats and closed her eyes. She thought of Parker, his silky fine hair and dark brown eyes. Everything about him was perfect and he was hers. For a long time she hadn't known how to love him but now she didn't know how to stop.


	4. TIMELESS

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **The feedback as always has been really amazing. Some of you have definitely clued into what is happening/did happen with Blair. As I said before nothing is black and white with Chuck and Blair. Both of them think they're 100% right and that is usually never the case. I intend to delve into that completely. Without further adieu…

**You Were Mine**

**Chapter Four**.

**TIMELESS**

"_The most important things are the hardest things to say. They are _

_the things you get ashamed of because words diminish your feelings – _

_words shrink things that seem timeless when they are in your _

_head to no more than living size when they are brought out__."_

- Stephen King

Chuck stared out his office window and watched as twilight descended. He glanced at his watch and frowned. He was usually home by now. Parker liked to eat dinner together and Chuck enjoyed it as well even if Parker did manage to spill most of his food on his clothes or worse on Chuck's clothes. It was their ritual and he was going to have to miss it tonight because of Blair and her pathetic attempts at taking him down.

"I'll get right on this, kid. Don't worry we'll take that bitch down." Jack lingered in the background drinking Chuck's liquor and babbling about Blair. He'd been doing that for the past hour and Chuck was reaching his tolerance level quickly. "Who does she think she is coming in here and going after you? We'll show her." Jack predicted and slung back more Scotch. He was clearly high.

"We won't do anything-" Chuck finally snapped but before he could build up to a scathing put down his office door swung open unannounced and Georgina came flying in. Her dark auburn hair swung behind her and she teetered over to him on ridiculous high heels that made him roll his eyes.

"Chuck!" She exclaimed like she hadn't seen him in weeks when it had only been a day. She grabbed his face and smashed her lips against his in what he assumed was supposed to be a seductive kiss but fell flat. He wasn't in the mood for any of her little games today. One crazy bitch was enough.

Chuck grabbed Georgina's wrists and forcefully pushed her back from him. She stared at him with that bull shit doe eyed gaze and he did his best not to roll his eyes. He enjoyed being with Georgina most of the time. She had a wicked wit and kept him entertained at all the boring functions he was supposed to attend. The sex was incredible as well. But these little displays of romantic affection she liked to put on for people really bothered him.

"We have company." He nodded towards Jack even though he was sure she knew that. Georgina hated Jack with a passion and every chance she got she threw her connection to Chuck in Jack's face. They had some sick war going between them and Chuck didn't like to think about it.

"We were working, Georgina." Jack glared at her. "Something I'm sure you're not at all familiar with. Why don't you run along and go make yourself pretty. God, knows you need help in that area," he added under his breath. Georgina opened her mouth to spew some choice expletive at him but Chuck stopped her.

"I don't have time for either of you today." The tone of his voice could not be mistaken. Georgina immediately backed down and Jack frowned displeased. He felt bested by the red head and Chuck knew he'd hear all his uncle's complaints later. He couldn't even count all the times Jack had tried to talk him out of marrying Georgina. Why he cared Chuck would never know. He acted like a jealous girlfriend at times.

"I'm sorry, Chuck." Georgina was all innocence as she sidled up to him and pressed her enticing body against his. When all else failed Georgina turned to sex. Unfortunately, for them both he wasn't in the mood. He had a different woman on his mind. "Let's go home. We can skip the gala tonight. I'll make sure you feel all better." She nuzzled his neck and ignored Jack completely.

"I'll leave you before my eyes roll out of my head." Jack finished off his Scotch and slammed the glass down before nodding at Chuck and exiting the office.

The minute Jack was gone Chuck set Georgina aside and moved back to his chair. He began rifling through the messages Madison had brought him earlier and did his best to ignore his pouting fiancé. Some days marrying Georgina seemed like a good idea and some days it seemed like a pure nightmare. Today was somewhere in the middle. He just wanted to be alone so he could think.

"Tell me what's wrong," she demanded. Her doting fiancé act was gone and in its place was the fierce woman he usually appreciated. "I heard a rumor and I'm seriously hoping you can dispel it for me." She climbed up on his desk displaying a healthy view of her legs.

Chuck smirked. Her tactics were at least amusing. "Blair is back," he told her simply. He counted down in his head until she would explode and he wasn't disappointed. Blair was enemy number two on Georgina's list of people to destroy.

"That conniving little bitch. I cannot believe she had the gall to just walk back in here like she owned the place. You must be furious. How could you not be furious? She ruined you once but she's not getting the chance to again. You need to send her and her Euro trash boyfriend right back over there – actually don't even bother. I have contacts and I will handle this. You just worry about yourself and I will-" Georgina wasn't even pausing for a breath.

"Fuck, Georgie, just stop." Chuck interrupted her as his frustration with the entire situation boiled over. He could not handle her going insane on top of everything else.

He knew what really worried her. It wasn't that Blair was screwing with him, it was that Blair might go after him. Georgina was confident that she could best everyone else at the Chuck Bass sweepstakes but she'd never had to face a fully functioning Blair Waldorf before. And everyone knew that theirs had been a love match. The man without a heart had found one with the society princess. It was the stuff of legends and later of nightmares.

"Fuck what, Chuck?" She snapped right back. There was fire in her eyes and he knew she wouldn't be dropping this anytime soon. "Please tell me you don't feel sorry for her. Because I have to tell you that would be the most pathetic thing I have ever heard. She royally screwed you, Bass. You can't be thinking of opening that door again."

Chuck wasn't but he was irritated with Georgina for assuming she could get involved in his business. He decided to screw with her a bit and put her back into her place. "She is the mother of my only child…" Chuck let that linger in Georgina's mind. "And there was a time when she was important to me."

"She abandoned you and your child, Chuck. Have you gone crazy as well? Should I call the doctors to come and give you a mental evaluation. You clearly need one." Georgina jumped up from the desk and began pacing in front of it. Her devious little mind was working overtime and Chuck just sat back and watched her. She was a sight to behold when she got like this.

"Georgina?" Chuck called her attention back to him.

She faced him again but she was nowhere near over her freak out. "You are nuts if you think I'm just going to hand you over to her without a fight. There is no way in Hell that I am going to let that happen. You and I have something good here. Maybe a bit unconventional but good all the same."

"I'm not your possession," he growled. Her little possessive act had been amusing at first but his patience was waning. She was with him because he wanted her with him but she could never forget how fast he could get rid of her if he wanted. "If I want Blair or anyone else I'll have them and there isn't a damn thing you can do about it. Do you understand me, Georgina?"

Georgina faced off with him for a long moment. He could see the war inside her. She wanted to tell him to fuck off and walk out but she couldn't risk it. He didn't love her and she knew it. He could replace her if he was forced to.

"Perfectly." She responded through gritted teeth and reached for her purse. "Am I to assume I'll be attending the charity gala alone tonight?" He nodded and watched as she bit down hard to stop herself from snapping again. "Very well. I will see you tomorrow for our usual lunch date." She dutifully walked around his desk again, leaned down and gave him a tongue lashing he wouldn't soon forget. He knew that was the entire point.

Finally, she was gone and he could be alone again. He called Ms. Bainbridge to check on Parker, and was relieved to hear that the monkey visit had gone well. Parker was pleased and had passed out soon after they left. He wasn't missing their dinner. Chuck checked his business messages next and returned the calls that needed to be handled. Next he had to deal with Serena who had left him one curt message telling him to call her back when he could take time out of his busy lying schedule. Chuck laughed to himself. His sister did have a way with words.

"If you start screeching I'm going to hang up." Chuck warned her when she picked up the phone. He waited while she took in a long breath, clearly composing herself. "Better now?" He tried not to smile but he couldn't help it. She was so predictable.

"Not quite but I will be. Come over to our place. I need to speak with you and I don't think Parker should be around." She didn't sound as angry as he'd expected, but she was cold and stiff and that might have been worse. He couldn't believe she was going to make such a big deal over these homeless people. Eventually he would have found them a new shelter. It just hadn't been moved to the top of his agenda yet.

"I'm busy tonight. Why don't you stop by my office tomorrow." He hated being ordered around family or no family.

"Tonight, Chuck. Our apartment. Nate wants to see you too." Serena hung up before he could protest again.

Chuck arrived an hour later after he checked in at home with Parker. His son was so worn out from the day he was still passed out. Chuck had stayed a little longer than he'd planned just watching Parker sleep. It was calming to him. When Parker was a baby Chuck used to sit up with him all night sometimes, rocking him, playing with him, watching him breathe just to make sure he was okay. Some would call him a little crazy but Chuck was okay with that. Parker had him wrapped around his little finger.

"You took long enough." Serena answered the door and dragged Chuck in with her. Nate was lounging on their sofa watching ESPN and drinking a beer. He nodded at Chuck and when Serena wasn't looking made a face that suggested Chuck was in big trouble.

"Can I get a drink if I'm going to have to endure you freaking out on me?" He asked as he took his place beside Nate. Nate tried not to laugh but Chuck didn't hide his smile. It would just piss Serena off further but he didn't like being summoned.

"No, you cannot have a drink. I need you to think rationally for once." Serena sat down on the chair beside Chuck and turned the TV off. Nate made a face but said nothing. He was clearly being roped into this as well. "We need to discuss, Blair."

"I thought you were going to ease into that, babe." Nate jumped in quickly before Chuck could completely go off.

"I feel like being blunt, babe." Serena returned shooting a shut up look in Nate's direction. Her husband knew when he was beat and sat back on the couch just waiting for the fireworks to begin. "I spoke with her today."

Chuck's face went from amused to remote in two seconds flat. The transformation was amazing. If Serena wasn't absolutely sure she was doing the best thing she would have stopped herself right then. He looked like the scary imposing man everyone described him as but Serena knew him better. She knew that beneath all that anger lived a very lonely hurt man. His life would never get better until he and Blair put the past behind them and let go of all the bitterness they both carried. Hatred had ruled them for far too long.

"Just listen to her, Chuck." Nate tried to be the voice of reason and Chuck turned towards him surprised. "It can't hurt…" Nate pointed out.

"Fine," Chuck agreed. "Get this all out now because after tonight we're never talking about it again." Chuck realized he couldn't silence Serena forever but he could control the conversation.

Serena nodded, encouraged that he was willing to listen. He might tell her to go to Hell afterwards but this was a first step in getting him to be open to the idea of Blair coming back and being in Parker's life. Serena just wished Blair hadn't come at him with BE. That was going to be her biggest stumbling block. Chuck did not like being toyed with.

"She wants to be in Parker's life." Serena got this out quickly expecting the usual reaction from Chuck. Rage wasn't a strong enough term to describe his feelings about Blair being around Parker. He got apoplectic. "Chuck…" Serena was afraid he'd stroked out.

"Tell me something I don't know," Chuck returned coolly. He said nothing else and Serena took this as her signal to continue.

"She's better now, Chuck. She has her life together. She deserves another shot with her son." Serena laid it all out for him hoping he could hear her. Blair's name was enough to shut Chuck down completely but tonight he wasn't flipping out. That had to be a good sign. Serena glanced towards her husband but his expression wasn't encouraging. "Nate, help me out," she begged.

"You know how I feel." Nate sighed and looked away from her. "Chuck is Parker's father. This has to be his call."

"Blair is Parker's mother." Serena pointed out totally frustrated with the both of them. They acted like Blair had just willingly walked away from her son. That hadn't been the case at all. "She made a mistake, Chuck. She was sick. Can't you see that?"

"I listened to you, Serena. I don't agree. End of story." He stood up from the couch and nodded a thanks in Nate's direction.

Serena jumped up as well and followed him to the door. She wasn't willing to give this up. "Chuck, wait." She stopped him just outside and he reluctantly turned around to face her. "I know what all of that did to you, okay. I was there. I was the girl holding you up. I do understand why you're afraid to-"

"I'm not afraid, Serena," he snapped quickly. "I just don't care what Blair deserves. I care what my son deserves. Leave it alone," he demanded in a harsh whisper. "Don't let her pull you into her drama."

"Do you think I'm not aware of Blair Waldorf's manipulations?" Serena laughed and it was a sad sound. "She was like a sister to me. I know her through and through. I know that she is using me to get to you and Parker, but Chuck I believe she's right. Three and a half years ago she ripped your world apart. I get it. I really do," Serena promised. The compassion was oozing out of her and Chuck had to look away. "But she's Parker's mother. And whether you like it or not he loves her and he needs her. Don't deny him that because you hate her. You're a much better father than mine or yours, Chuck. Prove it. Talk to her." Serena leaned in and kissed his cheek before disappearing back inside leaving Chuck just standing there.

Talk to her.

He hadn't really talked to Blair since the day he'd found her nearly dead on their bedroom floor. She'd looked so much like a broken child that day. Her face had been so pale, and her body so limp… Parker had been screaming from his bassinet and Chuck had just started yelling for help. No one had come though. The servants had the day off and Blair had insisted she didn't need a nanny to take care of their child. Chuck had listened because he'd wanted so badly to believe that she was better. She hadn't been better though. She'd been worse than ever.

He shook the memories off like he always did when his mind wandered there. That time in his life was over. He'd picked himself and his son back up and made a life for them. That life didn't include Blair. It couldn't include Blair.

Blair stood by the window in her hotel suite and watched the storm brew outside. It had been looking gloomy for hours but it seemed as if the rain was finally going to start up now. Carter was out catching up with old contacts and Blair hadn't been interested in pretending tonight. Her emotions were all over the place. One minute she was burning with anger towards Chuck and Serena, and even Nate and the next all she felt was complete joy when thinking of Parker. She had to keep herself in check though. Any erratic behavior from her and people would be screaming crazy before she could stop them.

Her phone buzzed on the table and she walked over to check it. It was Carter. He was on some yacht and wanted her to know he wouldn't be back that night. Blair sighed. It would have been nice to have a little company but things with Carter had been strained lately. He'd been on board with taking Chuck down but recently he'd begun to realize that Parker came with this deal. Carter cared for her a lot, maybe he even loved her, but he didn't want to help her raise a child. He'd been more than clear on that. She wasn't sure where that left them and she didn't want to think about it just yet.

The hotel phone rang next and she grabbed for it immediately. She was waiting on a phone call from Jack to give her a status report on Chuck.

"Hello?" She answered and her tone was a bit frantic. She had all sorts of scenario's running through her head with a coked out Jack Bass confessing all to Chuck and sending the dogs after her. "Hello?" She said again when there was no answer. If that pervert was playing games with her she was going to kill him. He'd already tried hitting on her twice and last time Carter had nearly sliced his face with a broken bottle. The creepiest part was that Jack hadn't even seemed fazed.

"Meet me in the lobby… now."

He hung up before she could even respond but she'd know that voice anywhere. Her heart started hammering in her chest and she just sat there stunned for a moment. She had hoped his curiosity about her being here would get to him eventually but she never dreamed it would be this fast. She stood up slowly and looked around for her shoes. She grabbed them and did her best to get them on quickly. Her hands were shaking though so it was a feat by the time she was done. She checked her hair and make up next to make sure they were beyond reproach. She had to look like an upstanding citizen or she'd never have a chance with him. She knew he'd just be looking for something to pick apart on her.

She arrived down in the lobby exactly three minutes later and looked around for him. She didn't spot him at first and her stomach dropped. She feared he'd changed his mind and there was no way she could chase him home. His guards probably had pictures of her tattooed on them with the strict instruction to keep her far, far away. She was just about to give up when she spotted him sitting down at the bar. He looked tense and uncomfortable but he was there. She took that as a good sign and walked right over to him.

"Hello, Chuck." She greeted him as she took the empty seat beside him. It was late at night, nearly midnight and the rest of the bar was deserted. She wasn't surprised he'd chosen this place for their meeting: large quantities of liquor and passer bys to hold him back if he lost it and tried to strangle her.

"You took long enough," he grumbled. He motioned for the bar tender to refill his drink and the result was instantaneous. Since Blair had last seen him he'd grown into a very powerful man. He'd always been feared as Bart Bass's son, but now he was feared and respected simply for being Chuck Bass. This had always been their dream to sit on top of Manhattan's elite… she had to look away from him for a minute to collect herself.

"I apologize. You caught me unaware." She offered nothing else. He could make of that what he would. She couldn't admit that he'd gotten her so nervous she'd barely been able to remember to push the lobby button in the elevator. Seeing him was always a shock to her system. While she was away she forgot certain things about him, perhaps purposefully so. His hair always seemed much darker in person than in her memory and his eyes… his eyes told stories she wished she could forget.

"You play dirty, Blair." He was the first one to break the ice a few minutes later. She was sipping on a martini he'd ordered for her and he was downing his third glass of Scotch. It was a familiar scene and it made her feel vulnerable and young. Two things she could never feel with him again.

"I want my son back." She couldn't hide the yearning in her voice and he immediately jerked around to face her. His eyes took her in and she stared right back. "I love him." She whispered, and she hated how her voice caught and her eyes began to water. She turned away before he could see the lonely tears falling.

"I've heard that before." He took a few minutes to answer her, clearly uncomfortable with how emotional things had turned. Chuck hated messy emotions his own and everyone else's. She wondered if he was better with Parker. Did he tell their son he loved him? Did he hold him when he cried and kiss away his hurts and disappointments?

Blair took a moment to pull herself together again, and only spoke when she was sure her voice wouldn't wobble. "The past has no place here. What's done is done. I can't change it and neither can you." She sounded strong and she liked that. She waited for him to make a snippy comeback but he said nothing, just stared down into his drink and swirled it around with his pinky finger. "Aren't you done punishing me, yet?" She asked, her voice much lower and more urgent.

He laughed but it wasn't happy or soothing. It was a bitter, brittle sound that put chill bumps on her arms and made her feel hopeless all over again.

"Punishing you?" He said this like he was running it around in his own head and it made no sense. "It was never about that, Blair." He turned towards her finally and she had to force herself to hold his gaze. He looked like her husband. The man who had woke her up with breakfast in bed for the last three months of her pregnancy until she had to threaten him she'd murder him if he didn't stop with the pampering non sense. He looked like he did when she'd loved him and that wrecked her.

"What was it then?" She asked and she didn't care that fresh tears were building behind her eyes or that her hands were trembling in her lap. She didn't care that she was breaking all the rules and being real with him because she needed the answer. She needed to know how he went from loving her to hating her so quickly. She still hadn't fully mastered that no matter how hard she tried.

He hesitated for a minute and then opened his mouth like he was going to say something. Her breath caught and she waited impatiently. She'd been waiting nearly four years to have this conversation with him but she never really thought they would.

"This was a bad idea," he said at last. He stood up then, threw some money on the bar top, and walked away from her. She remained seated for a second, shock and anger crashing inside of her. She could not believe he was doing this to her again. Every time anything got too close Chuck ran. She was so sick of it. She was so sick of him sitting high atop his world and thinking he was so much better than her. She made a decision then. She would never hide from him again. She would never back down. She would never let him walk away without a fight.

She ran through the lobby past the curious bell man and the guests returning. They all stared and watched the crazy girl run but no one tried to stop her. It was storming outside when she walked out, and she was immediately drenched. Lightning and thunder cracked in the sky but she didn't stop. He was almost to his limo waiting at the corner and then this would really be over. She knew him well enough to know that this was her last chance.

"Chuck!" She called out to him. He had been hurrying down the street in the rain but he stopped short when he heard her. He very slowly turned to face her and shock was evident on his face. It had been so long since she'd done anything so Blair Waldorf like that neither one of them could actually believe this was happening. She closed the remaining distance between them and grabbed his arm to hold him in place. "You don't just get to run away from me again. I let you before and I won't let you now. I deserve answers." She had to yell to be heard over the rain but thankfully the street was mostly deserted.

Chuck tried to shake off her hold and finally managed to. She worried he'd turn his back again but the shock of the situation kept him rooted in place. "I don't know what you want from me." He screamed right back at her. She felt a small moment of vindication. She'd broken through his walls. The fear crept in next. She had no idea what she would find there.

"Talk to me," she begged. Her tears were mingling with the rain and he turned away from her face so he couldn't see them. "Chuck," she whispered his name feeling him slip away from her again.

The rain was pounding into them as they stood there. She moved in closer to him and the second she did he moved away. There was something close to fear in his eyes and that buoyed her spirits. If she could just get him to feel, to see her again, then maybe this stupid war could end. They could share Parker and find a way to be a family again.

"I'm sorry," she whispered helplessly. "I don't know what else to say to you. I was sick, Chuck. I couldn't help myself." She reached out for his chin and forced him to look at her. If she was going to beg he was going to look at her. "I loved you-"

He shook off her hold and anger seeped back into his gaze. "That wasn't love."

"Tell me what to do and I'll do it." She put it all on the line then. "I got help. I'm better now. I want my family back." She wasn't sure how else she could say it. All she wanted to do was let go of the anger and recrimination and just go back. It had worked for a while. It had been amazing actually. Maybe he couldn't love her anymore but she needed his forgiveness.

His voice sounded hoarse when he next spoke. "Do you think I don't?" He shook his head, and that same brittle tone came into his voice. He sounded too old, too weary, too far gone. "I spent months and months waiting for you, raising our child and telling myself it would get better. You left us and I still welcomed you back, Blair. I ignored EVERYBODY," he got right in her face and yelled and she flinched but didn't back away. "I listened to you and I believed you and I left you with MY SON. And you fucked it all up."

"I didn't mean to. I came back because I loved you and I wanted our life to work. And I tried so hard, Chuck…" She was sobbing and her words began to blur. She'd been holding it all inside for so long that when it finally came out she felt like she was going crazy all over again. "I…" She couldn't get it out and he began to walk away from her again.

He stopped at the last minute and stormed right back up to her. She was a broken woman and they both knew it. "I tried to. I tried." His eyes locked with hers for a long horrible moment before he walked away from her again. He didn't turn back then and she had no more energy left to chase him.

It wasn't until that moment that she realized just what she had before her. Chuck wasn't over what had happened. Blair was beginning to see that he would never be able to forget it. A chill ran down her spine but she didn't go back inside. She just watched his limo until it finally disappeared into the distance. There went her only chance at getting her life back.


	5. SECRETS

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Thank you, thank you, thank you for all the fabulous feedback…

**You Were Mine**

**Chapter Five**.

**SECRET**

_We dance round in a ring and suppose_

_While the secret sits in the middle and knows._

- Robert Frost

Blair lay in bed for the rest of the night thinking about all that had come before that moment in the rain. The bickering, the bantering, the friendship that she had relied on for most of her life. Chuck Bass had not been love at first sight, or second, or even third. He'd been the boy on the gray edges of her life, a temptation urging her to do bad things. She'd tried her first joint with him, drank her first glass of scotch, and topped it all off by having sex for the first time with him in the back of his limo. No one else ever could have convinced her to do any of those things, but with Chuck it had been different. He never had to convince her. He just had to give her that challenging look of his, and she fell for the bait every time. It didn't matter if everyone else thought she was a good girl, she never wanted him to think that. Too good equaled too boring to him, and that was worse than death in her book… at least when she was 16.

_His breath tasted of Scotch and his hands felt like smooth fabric sliding up her thighs. She'd worn the black dress, the one he'd helped her pick out, and he'd smiled when she climbed into his limo. Her father had brought his new boyfriend home for the first time, and her mother had locked herself in the bathroom with a bottle of Xanax. Blair hadn't been able to take it any longer, so she'd called Chuck. She'd dialed Serena first but hung up before her friend could answer. She didn't need sympathy; she needed reality. If nothing else, Chuck provided her with that. _

"_How bad?" He asked twenty minutes into the drive._

_She was glancing out of the window, watching the city pass them by. She had no idea where he was taking her and she didn't care. She just had to leave her life for a while. She was sick of being Blair Waldorf, sick of having crazy parents… sick of everything. _

"_I don't want to talk about it," she mumbled under her breath. She'd picked Chuck because he wouldn't push her. He wouldn't insist on heavy emotional talks that left her drained and worse off than when she started. Serena, though well meaning, would do just that. _

"_Have a drink." He handed her his flask, and she took it without a word. _

_The alcohol went down smoothly, and she kept drinking until there was barely a drop left. He took it from her and placed it back inside his coat pocket on the seat beside them. She wasn't sure she'd even seen Chuck Bass in anything but a suit, and the thought made her giggle out loud. He frowned at her but didn't comment. _

"_You're so pressed and polished," she teased him. She moved closer to him on the seat and laid her head on his shoulder so she could look up at him._

_He glared down at her, but there was no real heat in his eyes. "You better not puke in my limo," he told her seriously and tried to push her off of him. She refused to budge though and moved in even closer. His shirt was soft against her cheek and she loved that she was annoying him. He got so snappy when he was pissed. _

"_I think you should kiss me." She threw it out there like it was nothing. In truth, she'd been thinking about it for a few months, ever since sophomore year had started. Nate and Serena had each other and all they ever did was kiss (and do other unsavory things Blair refused to think about). Blair had kissed a few guys (Chuck being one of them at way too young of an age to enjoy it), but it had never meant anything. All the guys she'd thought could be good boyfriends had turned out to be duds, and she was tired of waiting. _

"_You're drunk." He rolled his eyes at her._

"_I'm stone cold sober… Don't you think I'm pretty?" Her question came out sounding shy and searching, and she cringed. She hated her own insecurities and did her best to keep them down. Tonight had already been hell though, and her defense system was down. _

"_That's a stupid question, Blair," he snapped and forcefully pushed her off of him again. She frowned at him and tried to ignore the pricking sensation behind her eyes. She'd never live it down if she cried in front of him. He hated any sign of weakness. "Please don't cry." He looked physically pained by the possibility._

"_Just take me back home, Chuck," she whispered. She moved as far away from him as she could and started to look back out the window again. She didn't see anything this time, though. Her embarrassment was sending a flush over her body. Mortification was not a good color on her. She'd look like a cherry by the time they got back to her penthouse. _

"_Of course I think you're pretty," he said a few minutes later. "You're beautiful," he said this so nonchalantly, like it meant nothing. It meant something to her, though._

_She turned back towards him and slowly edged closer. He wasn't meeting her eyes, and she couldn't hide her smile. Chuck Bass, the ultimate ladies man, thought she was beautiful. It felt nice. The first nice thing all evening. _

"_Don't look at me like that." He turned towards her with a forbidding look. He used that to scare people off, but she wasn't going anywhere. "I'm no good for you," he told her truthfully._

"_I don't really care," she whispered in return. _

_There were only a few inches left between them. She was staring up at him with shining brown eyes, and he was looking down at her with something akin to fear in his gaze. There was longing there, too. For the first time she recognized it as such and her spirits soared. She had him. _

"_Kiss me, Chuck," she demanded. It came out more as a whimper, though, and that was the last bit of sanity either of them held onto that night. _

_He moved towards her slowly, giving her a chance to back out, but she didn't even take a breath as she waited. She wasn't creating fairytales about Chuck Bass in her head. She knew he didn't do girlfriends, especially not girlfriends like her. That ceased to matter that night, though. Blair needed to feel wanted, special, amazing. She found all of that in his eyes, in his touch, in him. _

_He kissed by the book, she would giggle later, comparing him to Romeo. He'd roll his eyes and grin at her. The reality was so much better than the fantasy. He was easy and gentle, hard and demanding. He didn't treat her like a china doll, and she didn't act like one. He ripped her dress and she messed up his hair. The cold leather slid against her sweat-soaked back, and she ached for him in a way she'd never ached for anyone. _

_Afterwards they lay awkwardly in each other's arms. She'd stolen his shirt and forced him to remain in his boxers. He felt undignified, and she felt free. _

"_Do you love me now?" She teased him. "You popped my cherry." She tried to be as vulgar as she could, and he finally laughed at loud, appreciating her efforts. "Chuck Bass: the devirginizer. I can't wait to tell, Serena," she giggled some more. _

_He smiled down at her, and it felt so good. Everything and nothing had changed in that back seat. He was still her best friend. And whether they said it out loud or not, they loved each other. Maybe it wasn't fairytale romance, but it was comfort and trust and lust sometimes._

"_Serena's going to kill me," he groaned. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a joint. He lit it and pulled a lazy drag from it before handing it to her. She stared at it for a moment before figuring what the hell and taking it. "It'll relax you," he promised. _

"_Is that concern in your voice, Charles?" She couldn't help herself from pushing him. So much of her life was fantasy and fake pleasantries. She didn't want any part of that here. She wanted to say exactly what was on her mind without worrying about the consequences. If anyone could appreciate that, it would be him. _

"_You're trouble." he laughed with her. _

_She flipped over so she was laying half way on top of him and stared down at his face. His eyes were becoming a bit glassy and, in this vulnerable position, he almost looked like a boy. She reached out and ran her fingers over his face, memorizing the rises and falls, the lines and smoothness…_

"_You're beautiful," she murmured before leaning down and kissing him again. _

"_It'll hurt if we do it again," he warned her as she climbed on top of him. She knew enough to know he was ready to go, but his words stopped her. _

"_I feel fine," she assured him and kissed him again. He kissed her back and tasted of Scotch and pot. She was surprised to realize it wasn't a bad combination. "It's only for tonight, Chuck. I want to get my money's worth," she joked._

_He didn't laugh with her this time. He wasn't upset either, though. He put the joint out and latched one hand onto her thigh holding her in place, while he used the other to reach up and touch her cheek. His palm slid across her face, and she closed her eyes and leaned into it. _

"_You're going to pay me?" His voice was soft and seductive. It lulled her to a peaceful place. A new tension rose in the air. Things were no longer playful and flirty. "Look at me, Blair," he demanded._

_She opened her eyes and peered down at him. Her heart stuttered in her chest and tears formed behind her eyes. She wasn't sure where the emotion came from but, before she knew it, he was wiping away her tears. _

"_You're going to be okay," he swore and, when he said it, she believed him. "Stay with me tonight?" It sounded like a question, and Chuck Bass never asked. He ordered and demanded and assumed, but he never asked._

_She nodded. "Now you'll have to pay me," she told him cheekily._

"Blair?" Blair awoke to find Carter sitting on the hotel bed beside her. He looked tired and weary. Usually she would have reached up to give him a welcoming kiss, but she didn't have the energy today.

"Good morning." She managed a small smile before she got up and locked herself into the bathroom. She listened to him undress in the next room and waited as he climbed into bed. Ten minutes later, he began his deep breathing thing, which meant he was fully asleep.

Blair wasn't sure what the plan for today was. Jack had never called, and she knew she needed to meet with him. They had to be careful, though. The first hint of betrayal and Chuck would be all over both of them. There was also the Serena factor. Blair knew she should at least call and thank her for speaking with Chuck. Things were so heavy with Serena. though. It felt almost impossible to get through a civil conversation with her. Still, sacrifices had to be made.

"Serena?" Blair called on her way out of the hotel.

"At your service," the chirpy blonde responded. Blair cringed. Happiness was not a comfortable concept for Blair.

"It's Blair." Blair felt this an unnecessary announcement but the silence was becoming deafening. It was amazing how they could go from conversations that lasted hours to ones that couldn't last for a full five minutes.

"I know, Blair." Serena still sounded so carefree. "Did you need something?"

"I wanted to thank you… for speaking with Chuck." Blair added to make sure Serena understood why she was calling. This wasn't for social purposes_. Right, Blair_, she scoffed at herself. _You don't need her at all._

"So, he spoke with you?" Serena asked hopefully.

"We attempted it," Blair admitted. In truth, she needed to talk to someone about the night before. It couldn't be Carter, for obvious reasons, and her mother was out as well because Eleanor loathed Blair's ex husband even more than Carter did. That left Serena.

"That sounds about right," Serena sighed on the other end. "Do you want to drop by my place… talk… I know things aren't the same, Blair…" She struggled to say more.

Blair quickly contemplated the scene in her head. She would come by, they would fake hug, make fake pleasantries, and then Blair would pretend to take whatever Serena's advice would be. In the end, it would be a wasted trip and futile effort.

"I'm afraid I can't today, Serena. Thank you for the offer. I'm sure we'll see each other soon." Blair hung up before Serena could respond. It was just as well. She couldn't get entangled here again. She had one goal. Parker. It was always about Parker.

Chuck decided to take the day off of work and send Jack to the meetings he had scheduled. Jack had salivated at the idea and Chuck wasn't ready to let Parker out of his sight. His son had been up since 6 am and hadn't stopped talking about his monkey friends yet. He especially loved the "butt monkeys" as he called them and decided he'd rather have one of them than a horse. It was enough to make Chuck call a pony broker and put in an order. There would be no butt monkeys in his penthouse.

"I wanna go out, Daddy." Parker gave him the pouty face, and Chuck stopped building the Lego house he'd had sent up earlier. "It's sunshiny, and S always says we should enjoy the sun. Can we go visit her?"

"S is probably working," Chuck answered quickly. The last thing he wanted to do was be around his sister's prying eyes. She would no doubt begin asking about Blair, and Chuck just might be dumb enough to mention their meeting from the night before. He couldn't get it right in his own head, so he surely didn't want Serena poking around in there.

"She's off. I checked." Parker gave him a wide smile, and Chuck knew he had been bested. "I'll get my jacket." Parker took off like a rocket before Chuck even got the word "okay" out of his mouth.

"The blue one, Parker!" Chuck yelled after him. "It's cold out."

Chuck grabbed his cell phone and shot a quick text to Serena, telling her they were coming over. She responded immediately with a smiley face and Chuck rolled his eyes. Hopefully Parker would keep her too occupied to interfere with him and all the ridiculous issues he had with his ex-wife. It amazed Chuck that he was still so fucked up over it all. He'd done a hell of a job putting his and his son's lives back together when she'd gone off the rails, but it seemed like it all went to hell every time she reappeared.

"Ready!" Parker announced as he jumped off the last step and rushed over to Chuck.

Chuck's phone rang as they were exiting the building, and he glanced down at it quickly. It was Georgina. She must have finally gotten his message about canceling lunch. He clicked ignore. It would only be a bunch of bitching and whining and him promising to make it up to her. He wasn't in the mood today. He would call her after Parker went to bed that night. Maybe a trip to Aspen would please her. It would get her out of his hair for a while, at least. He couldn't handle both Georgina and Blair in the same town.

Serena opened the door before they even knocked and Parker rushed inside. He found Nate's Game Boy and immediately started playing. So much for keeping Auntie S occupied. Chuck frowned at his son before taking a deep breath and facing Serena.

"I talked to Blair," she told him straight off. He nodded but said nothing. She'd have to drag it out of him. "How did it go? Did you discuss Parker?" Serena pulled Chuck into the kitchen and out of Parker's hearing range.

"Is there anything else to discuss?" Chuck returned easily. His face was a mirror of apathy but his thoughts were already churning inside. He hated talking about Blair. He especially hated discussing her with Serena.

"That's a loaded question, Chuck. I'll do you a favor and not answer it just yet." Serena raised her eyebrows at him, and he rolled his eyes back at her. He knew what she was hinting at, but he simply refused to go there. "What did you decide about Parker?"

"There is nothing to decide, Serena," Chuck snapped. "I'm his father. I'm doing what's best for him."

"Pure crap," Serena bit right back. "You're doing what's best for _you_. You know if you let Blair into Parker's life, you have to let her into yours too, and that scares the shit out of you. Might as well fess up, Chuck. We both know the truth." She gave him her beady-eyed look, and he turned away from her.

"I'm not scared of Blair." He gnashed his teeth together when he said her name. "I just don't want her kind of crazy around my son. He's been put through enough." Chuck firmly believed this was true. There was no telling when Blair would lose it again. He couldn't risk hurting Parker.

"You're right. He has been put through enough. So, why don't you and Blair get it together and stop putting him through more. This is going to turn into a war, Chuck, and the person who is going to lose the most is Parker. He's the least deserving of the heaps of bullshit you and Blair pile on each other," Serena practically growled at him.

"Thank you, Doctor Serena. How would I ever get through my life without your eloquent and thoughtful advice?" He turned away from her and stormed back into the living room. "Parker, grab your jacket! We need to go."

"Daddy!" Parker began to whine immediately.

"Chuck, just stop." Serena chased after him.

Before anything else could be said, there was a knock on the door and all three occupants of the apartment went silent.

"Expecting someone?" Chuck arched an eyebrow at her.

Serena shook her head. "Maybe Nate forgot his key again." She walked over to the door and swung it open. expecting her husband. She was shocked and a little dismayed to find Blair on the other side. She could just imagine the evil glare her brother was leveling at her just then.

"I changed my mind," Blair began, not noticing Parker and Chuck. "I need to talk to someone, and while you might not be the best option, you seem to be the only option, so…" Blair stopped short as she spotted her son peering up at her from his place on the floor. "Oh."

"You might as well come in." Serena grabbed her arm and pulled her in. Then she turned back to a glowering Chuck, who was gripping his cell phone so hard Serena thought he might snap it in two. Parker and Blair just stared at each other while Serena and Chuck faced off. "I didn't set this up before you go accusing me."

"Don't act like you haven't in the past," Chuck bit right back.

"Well, I didn't this time," Serena swore. "But," she looked between three of the people she loved most in the world and tried to smile, "it seems as if fate has other plans."

"Fate can-" Chuck began to say something profane, but both Blair and Serena shot him looks that quieted him instantly. "We're leaving."

"I don't want to leave, Daddy." Parker began wailing. "I'm bored at home. I want to stay here. Mommy is here. I want to stay with Mommy. Why can't I? Can I?" Parker directed this question at Blair, and she just stood there like a deer in the headlights.

Serena jumped in before more damage could be done. "Parker, maybe you should listen to your dad. Your mom and I need to talk and-"

"I'll be really quiet," Parker promised earnestly.

Serena turned to Chuck with beseeching eyes, but Chuck's attention was focused solely on his son. The look on his face scared Serena. There was panic and fear and a hint of self-loathing that Serena had thought was long past.

"Parker," Serena tried again.

"It's fine. I can go," Blair offered. She'd finally snapped out of her trance and was holding herself stiffly by the door. She didn't dare look in Chuck's direction because she knew he was furious. It would just set her back further if he thought she was ambushing him. He might accept it with BE, but clearly the rules were different with their son.

Blair turned to leave, but Chuck called out and stopped her. "No." His voice sounded gravely and hoarse. She finally glanced at him and saw that anger was not the predominant emotion on his face. In fact, he looked rather devastated. "Stay, Blair." It was a command.

"Thank you," she whispered as she walked past him to the couch. She sat down, and Parker climbed up beside her. Serena made mention of getting them all drinks and disappeared into the kitchen. "Hi, Parker." Blair smiled at him, hoping the words would come out evenly. She got a little choked up when she said his name, but she didn't cry.

"Do you have a Game Boy?" He asked with childlike enthusiasm. She shook her head because she wasn't sure she could speak, and he launched into an explanation of the games he played on it.

"Do you have a monkey?" He asked her next.

"Excuse me?" She sputtered.

Chuck's laughter sounded from behind her, and she looked up to find him hovering. His smile fell when their eyes met, but he explained anyway. "Parker wants me to buy him a monkey." He shrugged like this was nothing new.

"A monkey?" Blair paled at the thought.

"A butt monkey!" Parker cried out excitedly and did a little dance on the couch. He lost his footing and collapsed in Blair's lap, giggling all the way. Blair closed her eyes for a moment enjoying the feel of her child back in her arms, loving the way his laugh sounded, and his skin felt.

"What about a puppy?" Blair offered after a minute. That seemed a much safer bet. Monkeys had diseases. "I'm sure your father would get you a puppy." Blair looked up at Chuck beseechingly. She couldn't believe he was really considering buying their child a monkey.

Chuck leaned down so he could whisper in her ear. "I ordered a pony this morning."

Blair let out a relieved sigh and turned back to her son. "So… What else do you like doing?" She felt completely lost when talking to him and that pained her. She should know what he liked. She should know his favorite foods and animals and places and people, but she didn't. She didn't know any of it.

"Umm…" He bit his lip and glanced around the apartment seeming to search for an appropriate answer. When nothing came to him he looked up at his father, and Blair's stomach dropped. Chuck knew all those things. Chuck knew everything. "Daddy? Come sit." Parker patted the couch beside him.

Blair watched Chuck hesitate for a moment before he nodded and took his rightful place. Parker kept one hand on Blair and placed the other on his father like he was holding them there. Blair and Chuck both noticed and shared a look over his head.

"Drinks." Serena announced breaking the tension. She handed Blair and Chuck glasses of iced tea and handed Parker a juice box. He took it gratefully and began slurping while Serena took her seat in front of them. "Having a nice chat, are we?" She smiled so brightly it looked like her face might split open.

"Don't push it, Serena." Chuck glared.

"I told Mommy I wanted a butt monkey," Parker announced. He was completely oblivious to the tension in the room and they all wanted to keep it that way. "You should get one too, S. You'd like them," Parker said, all-knowing.

Serena nodded. "I don't think Uncle Nate would like them, though."

Parker frowned and nodded. "Probably not. You can come visit mine, though."

"Parker…" Chuck gave him a warning look.

"Please, Daddy?" Parker climbed into his lap and grabbed Chuck by the cheeks so he had to look Parker right in the eyes. Those damn eyes got Chuck every single time.

"Chuck," Blair seemed a little panicked.

"He's not totally insane," Serena interjected. "Don't worry."

"No monkeys," Chuck told his son sternly. Parker's lip began to pout out and he whimpered softly, but Chuck's expression never changed. "You can visit them at the zoo. Final offer." Chuck gave him an all business look, and Parker scrunched up his little face in anger.

"Fine," he deflated quickly. He climbed off of Chuck and hopped back onto Blair, shocking her for a moment. He just laughed at the funny expression on her face and patted her lips. "You have a funny face," he told her seriously.

"Funny bad?" Blair smiled down at him.

"Funny like a mommy," he returned with a shy smile. Blair smiled back. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Chuck watching them. She wondered what he thought. If he was jealous or if he hated her for this, or if he felt even a little bit bad that he'd taken this from both her and Parker. She would never know though, because he would surely never tell her.

"You look funny like a kid," she returned. She leaned down popping a quick kiss on his forehead.

"Daddy?" Parker turned back to Chuck, and Blair felt the loss of her moment. "Can Mommy come with us to the zoo? I want to show her the butt monkeys. Please. Pretty please." Parker began begging before Chuck could even get a word out. He climbed back to Chuck and grabbed his face again. Blair realized he did this when he wanted Chuck's full attention and smiled to herself. Never in her life did she think Chuck would let anyone do that to him. He didn't even blink when their son did it, though.

"Blair's not a zoo person," Chuck answered quickly.

"I love the zoo," Blair jumped in. "And I want to see the butt monkeys…" It was hard for her to get that out, but she managed without wincing. Parker released Chuck's face, and Chuck turned to look at her. He seemed to size her up for a minute as she waited breathlessly. He could easily tell her to shove off, since she had no recourse at this point. She was at his mercy, and she hated that. "Please, Chuck…" Her voice wavered.

"Come on, Chuck…" Serena tried as well.

Parker stared up at Chuck, and Chuck stared down at his son. It was a heavy moment – everyone knew it but that little boy. Chuck's decision could change everything.

"Daddy?" Parker seemed confused by the look on his father's face. Blair wasn't, though. There was reverence there, love, compassion, confusion… Acceptance. That was when Blair knew she'd won the battle. Chuck loved Parker more than he hated her.

"Okay," Chuck agreed. "Tomorrow afternoon. We'll pick you up, Blair." Blair nodded eagerly. "Just you." His eyes bored into hers, and she nodded again. "Time to go, Parker. Say goodbye to Serena and Blair," he added as an afterthought.

Parker hugged Serena quickly before grabbing Blair's hand and dragging her over to the door with him. He tugged her down so he could whisper in her ear. "You'll love the butt monkeys, Mommy." Then he kissed her cheek quickly before releasing her and walking out with Chuck.

Blair watched them go in a daze. The smile on her face wouldn't go away. Happiness… It felt weird after all this time. It felt good. Her son had kissed her cheek. Chuck was letting her go to the zoo. Everything was falling into place… Except Jack Bass. She said a quick goodbye to Serena before heading off. She was a woman on a mission.


	6. HURT

AUTHOR'S NOTE: It's been way too long but at 2:30 in the morning this came to me. Go figure.

You Were Mine

Chapter Five.

HURT

_I wear this crown of thorns upon my liar's chair.  
Full of broken thoughts I cannot repair.  
Beneath the stains of time the feelings disappear.  
You are someone else.  
I am still right here._

- Johnny Cash

Blair knocked on Jack's door three times before she tried the knob. Surprisingly, or maybe not since this was Jack, the door was unlocked. She took a deep, fortifying breath before she went in. Everything hinged on Jack keeping his mouth shut and not telling Chuck about their little plan. It had all sounded perfect to Blair when Jack had first brought it to her five months ago. She and Carter would buy BE stock, come in and screw up Chuck's life, weaken him until Jack took control, Chuck would be down, and Blair would go in for the kill. She'd steal her son back when Chuck was at his weakest, just like he'd done to her. It had all seemed so… right.

Doubts were starting to creep in. Chuck wasn't the man she married. The man she married had been living in Bart's shadow, sharing his father's glories but never creating any of his own. That Chuck was long gone. Now he sat at the top of his own empire and, from what Blair could see, he was doing damn well for himself. He ruled with an iron fist, like all Basses were born to do, but his business associates and employees seemed to respect him. They trusted his judgment. Jack had made it seem like an easy feat knocking Chuck down, but he'd been mistaken, or just too vain and stupid to see the big picture. Blair could go head to head with him in the board room and create a few annoyances, but that wasn't going to topple him.

"Well, well, well." Jack stared at her through glassy eyes as he lit up a pipe and took a long drag. Blair looked away from him. He was such a bottom-feeding asshole. She couldn't believe she'd gotten herself mixed up with him. If she backed out now, though, God only knew what he'd do to her. She couldn't let anything risk her plan to get Parker back. She'd just have to stomach Jack Bass for a while longer. "I don't remember inviting you, beautiful, but you know you're always welcome."

He slithered over to her, the sweet smell of smoke wafting along with him. Blair glared. If he tried to touch her again he was going to lose some body parts along the way. She did not like being pawed at. He got within inches of her and leaned in. Blair braced herself. She was going to have to murder Jack Bass. He thought better of his invasion at the last minute and stumbled back, a sneer on his face.

"You were always a prissy bitch."

Blair rolled her eyes. "Find someone else to fuck, Jack. I came here about business. You do remember our business, don't you? I've been expecting a call." Her voice was pure steel. The first sign of weakness and Jack would attack. He was the worst kind of predator.

"I was occupied." He smirked and nodded his head towards the couch. Blair glanced and saw a half-naked, coked out whore sprawled out. "I told you I'd handle my little nephew. He's no problem."

Blair wasn't a very violent person, but Jack brought out the worst in her. She had to grit her teeth to speak. "You moron. You really think you're going to handle Chuck? You're not only high, you're delusional. You lied to me. You said he would be easily taken care of. You said people wanted him out. From what I saw, they might be a little nervous about his takeover, but that's it. They trust him. He's done well. Why would they want such an obvious screw up like you?" Pure venom poured forth, and Blair could see the anger cranking up in Jack.

He advanced on her quickly and snatched up her arm. It was a bruising grab, but she didn't flinch or show any fear. She tried to yank away, but he held tight. "You don't know what you're talking about." His breath was acrid as it fanned over her face. "I'm ten times the man that little bastard is. My brother should have left BE to me. It was rightfully mine. Chuck's on the way down. You'll see." Jack finally released her when the woman from the couch began to stir.

Jack walked over to the couch and climbed on top of the woman. That was all Blair needed to see. She quickly headed for the exit and didn't look back. She needed to speak to Carter. This partnership with Jack was already unraveling. They needed a new plan. Her son's fate could not ride on Jack Bass.

Chuck came down the stairs into his living room to find his pseudo mother waiting for him on the couch. It was past nine, and Parker had finally gone to sleep. He'd spent all afternoon telling Chuck about the things he was going to show his mommy and kept asking Chuck if he thought Blair would like them. It had gutted Chuck. Seeing Lily there now was almost as unpleasant. He'd been putting off this confrontation until he could clamp down on his anger. Lily had been the only mother he'd ever known and, though no one would ever call her perfect, she'd loved him in her own way. She'd forced him to become her family, and for that he'd always owe her. He didn't owe her his son, though, and he wanted to throw her out the minute he laid eyes on her.

"Charles." She came up to him and laid a soft, elegant hand on his face. He tensed at the touch, but she didn't pull away. "I couldn't wait any longer. I know you're furious; might as well get this out." She backed away from him then and walked over to the couch. She sat down primly and turned to look at him. "Well?" She could always make him feel like a naughty twelve year old when she wanted to.

"I'm not sure I have much to say to you, Lily." He practically growled at her. He needed more time and distance from the situation. He didn't want to say something he would regret. "I think you should go home. I'll call for my driver." He reached for his phone to do that, but she stopped him.

"I've angered you, Charles. I know that. But, after all we have been through together, can't you spare me a few moments to explain? Do I not deserve that?" She speared him with her iciest expression, and Chuck set the phone down. The family card always trumped everything for Chuck. He was a sucker, and she knew it.

He walked over and took a seat across from her. He sat stiffly and couldn't meet her eyes, but at least he was there. That was the biggest concession he could make. "Explain, then." He demanded and waited. He knew nothing she said would justify it, but he owed her a say.

"Blair came to me as a mother, not an ex wife, not a girl who I once looked upon as a daughter. She came to me as a mother, and I'm afraid I couldn't turn her away. No-" Lily stopped and shook her head. "I suppose that isn't true. I didn't want to turn her away. I more than most know what happened between the two of you. I watched you dance around each other for years. You know," Lily smiled in a far off way, "I always secretly hoped you two would get together. And then one day you were getting married, having Parker – it all seemed so perfect, Charles." Lily looked to him in askance. She wanted him to understand. She wanted him to remember back to a time that he'd done his best to bury.

Chuck shook his head. He couldn't do it. "I'm not interested in rewritten history. Blair and I married because she got pregnant. It was a mistake. Clearly," he added bitterly. Lily reached out for his hand, and he allowed her to hold it but still refused to meet her eyes.

"You and I both know that was the excuse, not the reason." Chuck scoffed at this, but Lily didn't back down. "There was love there, Chuck. I think maybe there always had been. Parker just sped the process along." Chuck felt Lily watching him, but he said nothing. She sighed sadly. "You know I never saw it coming, the way it all fell apart so spectacularly. One minute you were-"

Chuck's head whipped around swiftly. He couldn't listen to any more of this. Memory lane was a dirty, ugly place. It didn't belong in his home. His home was a safe place for Parker. He'd wiped it clean of Blair, and Lily was bringing her back in, infecting them all over again. "Enough." The emotion in his voice could not be ignored, but neither could the resolve.

"Very well," Lily finally caved. "I just wanted you to understand why I did it. I didn't do it for Blair. I didn't even do it for you. I did it for Parker. You're a wonderful father, Chuck." Lily reached out, guiding Chuck's face around so he had to look at her. "You dote on him, spoil him, love him." She smiled brightly. "You love him in a way that I've always been envious of. You got it right when you certainly had no superior role models to look to."

"You didn't do too bad," Chuck admitted begrudgingly.

A single tear traced down Lily's cheek, but she didn't bother to wipe it away. "Your father and I did our best, but we both know it wasn't enough. You're more than enough for Parker. That child wakes up every morning knowing that you love him. Knowing that, Chuck… What a gift that must be to him." Lily marveled.

Chuck softened. "He always will."

Lily nodded. "I know, but there is a hole there, as well. You're his father, his protector, his care taker… You've done the very best you could, but you can't be his mother."

Chuck immediately interrupted, uncomfortable as to where this was leading. "He has Serena and Ms. Bainbridge." He hated sounding so defensive, but Lily was hitting on every insecurity he'd ever harbored. He couldn't let her get to him. Once one wall crumbled, Chuck was scared they all would.

"He needs his mother. Before, she couldn't be there. She was sick and she wasn't safe for him. We all understood that and supported you Chuck. It took Blair a long time to get her life back together, and perhaps she isn't perfect, but no one is. She came back because she loves her son. I believe she deserves a shot at happiness, but mostly…" Lily waited until Chuck looked at her again. "Mostly, I want you and Parker to be happy."

"We are." Chuck's affirmation felt hollow to them both.

"I don't think you believe that any more than I do." Lily leaned in and kissed Chuck's forehead. He took the motherly comfort for what it was and didn't push her away. She gathered her things quickly and walked towards the door. At the last minute, she turned back, a hopeful expression on her face. "Give yourself a chance, Charles." With that she departed, and Chuck was left with his all-consuming loneliness again.

Blair found herself wandering the streets of her past, avoiding going back to Carter at the hotel. Carter was part of an ugly reality that she didn't want to face yet. She wanted to remember that afternoon with Parker. He'd been so excited to see her, so open and adoring. She couldn't believe he was her child. She couldn't believe how normal and adjusted he was. For years, she had been terrified that her mistakes would cost Parker the most. She and Chuck had been the adults, making their own choices, but Parker was an innocent. He'd never asked for a crazy mother, but he'd surely gotten one.

Blair startled when she realized she was in front of her old building. Chuck had bought the penthouse the week after she'd told him she was pregnant. He said they needed a home. She hadn't fought him or even cared that he'd picked it out by himself. He'd forced her to wear a silly blindfold when he'd taken her up, and when he'd pulled it off she'd been awed. It was unfurnished, not decorated, bare as could be – Blair had loved it. Chuck had opened his arms, smiled at her and asked her to make it their own. That had been the lure for them. They could make their own family. They would be the parents they never had. They would love their child. He would never know the pain that they endured in their lonely, confused childhoods.

Blair had bought into the fantasy completely and the most miraculous thing was that Chuck had, too. His initial nerves over fatherhood had given way to total excitement. He excelled at being a husband and father. All the old insecurities of his past vanished in their new life. In some ways, his exuberance and surety had made Blair nervous. How could she ever live up to the perfection that he was building in his head. Everything had fit too well, made too much sense. There had been too much love in the end. She couldn't sustain it, and then everything had crashed.

The crash was the worst, the never-ending free fall. She'd been so far up and had so far to fall. Chuck had reached out to her, they all had, and she'd tried to hang on. She'd convinced herself that she was fine and normal and loved her child and husband. She told herself she was happy and made Chuck believe the lie. He'd been desperate to believe it. Her lies crumbled, though, time and again until the disappointment and disillusionment weighed more than the happiness. She was drowning in it, and she was sinking Chuck as well. In the end, her mind dealt her the biggest betrayal.

The front door to the building opened and Blair looked up, surprised. Chuck was standing there, a wary expression on his face. Blair knew what it looked like, like she was stalking him and Parker. He could use this as the excuse he needed to call off the zoo trip, and she was kicking herself before he even spoke. She was walking a fine line with him and already she was making mistakes. Jack had been her first.

"What are you doing out here, Blair?" He glanced around the street. Blair knew he was looking for Carter. There was something in his expression that told her everything. Carter was another black mark against her, another weapon he'd used to drive her out of his life. Carter was an excuse to forget her. Blair wondered what Georgina was. Did he love her? The thought sickened her.

"I…" She thought of a thousand crazy, convincing lies she could tell him. All of them would make sense and he would go back inside without another word. She opened her mouth, ready to spill the best one but it wouldn't come out. Instead, she told the truth, however damning he might find it. "I don't know." She shrugged, feeling as lost and helpless as she ever had. Being around Chuck was a different kind of insanity. She recognized that now, but she still didn't know how to combat it.

"Lost?" The word was innocuous but his tone was cold. His barely leashed anger was simmering, and she was his favorite target.

She laughed; a hard, brittle sound. "Funny."

"Why?" He shot right back, preparing for battle.

"It's just…" The intensity of his gaze did her in. Emotion clogged her throat and tears threatened behind her eyes. She wondered if she could ever look at him and stay in the present, or if the past would always haunt her. He was the life she should have had. "Never mind." She brushed it aside, and looked away from him. It was cold out, and she'd forgotten her coat. She needed to go back to the hotel, back to Carter. This place was dangerous for her. It was a trigger, her therapist had warned her.

She turned away from him, ready to flee, but he called out to her before she could. "Say it…" If he had sounded cold like before, she would have still left. She was too raw to fight him right then. There was no anger in his voice, though. Instead, she found a vulnerability, a sadness that mirrored her own. She couldn't walk away from that.

She turned back to him, doing her best to stop her voice from wobbling. If she gave into her tears and started sobbing again, he'd call her unstable and maybe he'd be right. "It's just…" She shook her head. It was hard to say out loud. She had to turn away from him again to get it out. "Even after all this time, after all the places I've lived since… This still feels like home."

He said nothing.

She turned back to look at him. A sour feeling filled her chest and all she wanted to do was hit him, hit him until he woke up, until he turned back into the man who loved her. He'd once promised her he'd never give up on them. She'd broken him down, though. She'd just plain broken him.

"You're not going to comment? Nothing cruel to say… Come on, Chuck." She was baiting him. She knew it was a mistake. She knew it was tantamount to handing him the knife to shove into her chest but, she couldn't stop. There was so much rage inside of her that it had to find an outlet. Four years, and she had to get it out. "I know you have it in you." She said it in a whisper, but it finally broke through his repose.

"I've got nothing." He said it so softly, with so much anguish that she could practically feel the knife sliding in. "I wish that…" He looked down, and then finally up again to meet her eyes. For a moment, she saw it all. She saw the boy who'd been her best friend, the man who'd loved her, the husband she'd disappointed, and the father she'd always wanted. He was everything. The thought made her ill.

"You wish I'd died that day, don't you?" She kept pushing. She needed to hate him. She needed him to say something vile so she could close off again. She needed to see who he'd become, not who he'd been. "That would have made your life so much less messy."

When she dared to glance up, he looked like he'd gotten a blow to the head. His eyes were glassy, his mouth slack.

"You know I'm right. If you'd have just come home from work a little later like you were supposed to, I would be dead and you'd be free. Tell me that doesn't sound appealing to you. Come on, Chuck. Tell me." She was verging on hysteria, but she still didn't stop. Pretty soon he'd call Eleanor and ship her back to the institution.

"Why are you doing this to yourself?" For a moment it sounded like genuine concern in his voice. Blair clung to it, desperately, hoping it would spring into something else. He took a step towards her, and she froze where she was. He stopped suddenly, looked around him like he was lost and had no idea how he'd gotten there. Blair knew the feeling well. It was hell, and she'd lived there for years.

"I'm sorry." She steeled herself to end this now. She wiped at her face, but the tears kept coming and she became frantic. There was such a deep well of hurt inside of her she didn't think it could ever be satisfied. "I don't know why I did this…" She kept wiping, harder and harder.

"Stop." He reached out and stilled her hand. She couldn't look at him or even react. Her voice was too soft, too comforting. He sounded like he did in her dreams, but this was reality and reality was cruel. "Stop," he whispered again. He came even closer and pushed her hands down. Her arms fell limply at her sides, and she stood there before him half a person. He brushed her tears away for her, the slide of his knuckles so smooth she closed her eyes to savor it. When was the last time he touched her like this? She couldn't remember.

Her tears finally dried up and he backed away from her. She looked up and saw him straighten into the hard, imposing man he'd become. All tenderness was firmly wiped from his face.

"Parker is excited about the zoo." His announcement seemed so out of the blue that Blair startled from herself pitying stupor. "You should be prepared to be dragged around to everything. He has big plans for you, Blair." There was a double meaning in his words, but before Blair could ask he barreled on. "He's smart. They tell me he's advanced beyond his age group. I think it's because he's so damn curious. He asks a million questions and then questions your answers. Don't snap at him or get annoyed; his feelings get hurt easily."

"I wouldn't," Blair swore vehemently. "I would never do that to him. I love him, Chuck. I'm better now. I really am." She needed him to believe her. If he believed her, they could turn this all around. They could get the train back on the tracks. They could heal. More than anything she wanted that, for Parker, and maybe for herself and Chuck as well.

"We'll see." He turned around and headed towards the door. She just stood there. It hadn't gone well, but it hadn't been awful. He turned back at the last minute and came right up to her. There was something fierce and protective burning in his eyes. "You do whatever you want to me, Blair. I can handle it. You come at me with BE, with Carter – Hell, you can even use my own mother against me, and I can handle it." Blair didn't miss the bitter edge in his voice. Lily had been a low blow. "Never use Parker. Never put him in the middle."

Blair nodded. "I wouldn't." She should have left it at that, but she didn't. "Can you say the same, Chuck?" He opened his mouth to snap at her, most likely rip her head off but she barreled on. "Do you honestly think he can't see the way you feel about me? You can barely stand to be in the same room with me. Your voice gets hard and your eyes get cold – Do you think he understands that? Do you really think it doesn't hurt him?"

Blair expected him to flip out. She expected him to deny it all, but instead all she was greeted with was silence. Finally, after the moments ticked by so slowly Blair could barely breathe, he spoke.

"No matter what I feel for you, Blair, Parker comes first. I've failed at many things in life, but I've never failed him and I never will. I agreed to you coming tomorrow because he wants you there. I'd do anything for my son." It was solemn vow, and Blair understood it. She felt the same.

"So would I."

Chuck nodded. "If you hurt him or disappoint him, that's it. I won't let you break his heart." With that he walked away from her and disappeared into his fortress. She yearned to reach out to him, to beg him to let her come along, let her come home. It was too soon for that, though. Blair had a lot to think about. First on the list was getting rid of Jack. She had a new plan of attack.


	7. DREAMS

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Thanks for the feedback. I'm trying to crank this out while it's fresh in my mind.

You Were Mine

Chapter Seven.

DREAMS

_"Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. _

_You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it." _

- J.M. Barrie

Blair stared at herself in the mirror and sighed in dismay. She'd tried on several different outfits that morning, but none of them felt fit for the zoo. Carter was lounging behind her on the bed, occasionally looking up from his book to inspect her. He was always scowling when he did. He didn't like the idea of her being around Chuck Bass alone, he said. Blair had scoffed and given it no further thought. Carter didn't own her. No one did.

"Would you stop?" He finally growled and threw his book down. Blair watched it slide against the mattress until it finally thumped onto the floor. It sounded unnatural, and her nerves became even more frayed. Chuck was enough to deal with today. She didn't need Carter going crazy on her, as well.

"It's been a long time since I visited a zoo. I don't know what is appropriate. I don't want to look silly or out of place." She murmured under her breath as she headed back into the closet. She decided a light fall dress would be best, along with a pair of her favorite sandals. That said fun, carefree, mommy material.

Carter walked into the dressing area as she slid the dress over her head. She straightened out the material and smoothed her hands along the edges before finally turning to face her boyfriend. He was glaring. His displeasure at her current situation didn't really bother Blair; it was what lurked behind the annoyance that did. He was scared. She could see it in his eyes, and that automatically made her nervous as well.

"I came here to get my son. You knew that." Her voice was resolute. No one was going to back her down from this goal. Years ago, she'd left this city with nothing, not even her sanity. She'd never run again. This was her home whether or not Carter and Chuck liked it. She wasn't leaving again.

"And your ex husband?" There was bite in his tone, unmistakable, terrifying.

"He's Parker's father. He comes with the package. You knew that." She repeated, hoping to get through to him. She needed him to let this go today. She needed him to be supportive and blind and stop seeing everything he was clearly reading on her face, in her eyes. Carter knew her too well.

"I thought I knew that you hated him. I thought we came back here to destroy him, but I'm not sure anymore. You come home last night, looking like a haunted person. Then this morning you tell me we're breaking ties with Jack, calling it all off… For what, Blair? You have a new way to take down Chuck?" Carter advanced on her, but Blair held her ground.

"Parker is my number one priority. I've decided on a new tack to get him. Simple as that." Her tone was airy as she pushed past him into the bedroom. She found her sandals discarded on the floor and reached for them.

Carter followed her, nowhere near done with their conversation. "You don't want to destroy, Chuck, do you?" It was a question, but it didn't sound like one. It sounded like Carter knew. Blair's stomach roiled uneasily. "Jesus, you really are that pathetic," he snapped and reached for the liquor decanter.

Blair shook her head and finished strapping up her sandals. "You don't understand. I'm a mother. I have to put Parker first." Carter laughed bitterly in return, but Blair was not deterred. "I'll never forget what Chuck did-"

Carter whirled around on her, spearing her with his eyes. There was a darkness there that she'd never seen before. "Liar," he whispered, gaze never wavering. "For once in your life, tell the truth, Blair."

"I don't have time for this." She stood up from the bed and reached for her purse. Chuck was picking her up downstairs, and she decided she'd rather wait in the lobby than continue this argument with Carter. She tried to breeze past him, but he grabbed her arm before she could and held her in place. "Let me go," she gritted out through her teeth.

"Don't let him suck you back in. He drove you crazy, Blair. Remember that." It was the closest to begging Carter had ever gotten. He released her arm and turned back to his drink. Blair stood there a moment, watching him, doing her best to calm down before she left to head downstairs. Carter was wrong. Chuck posed no danger to her now.

Blair wasn't waiting in the lobby long when Chuck pulled up in his limo. The window was rolled down when she walked out and Parker was hanging out of it, waving and smiling at her. Blair waved back, even though she was only a few feet away. Parker disappeared when she reached the door and the driver opened it for her.

Chuck greeted her once she was seated. "Good choice." He nodded at her attire. "It gets hot during the day. Last time we went, I thought Ms. Bainbridge was going to have a heat stroke."

Parker giggled from his place on Chuck's lap and continued to stare at Blair. Blair wanted to reach out to him, hug him, kiss him, tell him she was so sorry for everything and that she loved him more than life. She couldn't move though. She didn't want to push too fast for fear that Parker or Chuck or both would pull away from her.

"Who's Ms. Bainbridge?" Blair tried a safe subject. Her eyes never left Parker's, though.

"She's Parker's nanny," Chuck informed her coolly and turned to peer back out the window.

Parker shifted on his father's lap and slid down into the space between Blair and Chuck. He kept a cautious hand on Chuck's knee as he watched Blair. Blair smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"You're very pretty." Parker's voice was so soft and small. It sunk inside of her until she could barely breathe. A grin slid across his lips and a light blush tinted his cheeks.

"Thank you." Blair choked on the words and tears stung her eyes. She didn't want to scare him so she quickly blinked them away. "I think you're a very handsome boy yourself." She moved a little closer to him on the seat. They were feeling each other out. Chuck remained turned away from them, a silent, imposing figure.

"Do I look like you?" Parker's voice became bolder as he inched closer to her. Blair saw Chuck's jaw clench, but he didn't comment. "Aunt S says I do. She says I have your eyes. I like your eyes." Parker reached a tiny hand up and touched Blair's face. "And your face," he decided with an impish smile. "I want to look like you."

"I think you look like me and your daddy," Blair told him magnanimously. The truth was he was more Blair, and Chuck had to see that. She didn't want to rub it in, though.

Chuck turned back to them then. He glanced between Parker and Blair and Blair waited for a scathing comment. He was tense and uncomfortable, more so than he had been when she first got into the limo. Parker's eagerness where Blair was concerned bothered him.

"He's all you," Chuck whispered. The moment landed between the three of them and descended into silence. Blair wanted to smile, wanted to say thank you, wanted to say she knew, but she held herself back.

"I'm going to be just like daddy when I grow up. Did you know that?" Parker broke through once more, and Blair looked away from Chuck to focus on him. "He owns the whole world. That's what I wanna do, too." Parker nodded for emphasis.

Blair laughed, she couldn't help herself. "I'll bet you do."

Chuck sighed, but there was amused affection in his eyes. "I told you, I don't own the world. Just BE." It was clear they'd had this conversation before.

"I'm a Bass. Do you know what that means?" Parker ignored his father's interruption and continued his conversation with Blair.

Blair smiled and feigned ignorance. "What does that mean?"

"I'm rich and handsome and Grandpa Bart said being a Bass meant I could have anything I ever wanted, but I don't think he was telling me the truth. I want a monkey, but daddy won't get one…" Parker glanced back at his father and climbed the final inches until he was sitting on Blair's lap. He leaned up, a conspiratorial gleam in his eyes and pushed her hair back so he could whisper in her ear. "Do you like monkeys?"

Blair nearly laughed out loud. "Um, well…" She glanced towards Chuck for help. She didn't want to let Parker down but there was no way in Hell she was purchasing a monkey. "I don't think…"

Chuck mercifully jumped in and saved her. "No monkeys. Keep pushing it and I'm sending the pony back." Chuck gave Parker a stern look and Parker pouted in return. When the pout didn't have its desired effect, a slow tear began to trace down his cheek. "Faker." Chuck grinned at him.

Parker's tears kept coming, though, and Blair was nearly ready to pull out her phone and order a monkey. Before she could make a fool of herself and cave, Parker frowned, wiped his tears and moved on. Clearly, they played these games often. Blair felt so out of her depth, and that made her angry. She should know these things. She should know her son. Anger had no place in her life today, though, so she pushed it down and refocused on Parker. He was twirling pieces of her hair between his fingers like it was the most fascinating thing he'd ever seen.

"Don't you think Mommy has pretty hair, Daddy?" Parker posed this question to Chuck, but he never took his eyes off of Blair. When Chuck didn't respond, Parker finally turned to look at him. "Don't you, Daddy?" He persisted.

Chuck hid his discomfort well and nodded. "Sure." He turned back towards the window.

They arrived at the zoo fifteen minutes later, and Parker was scrambling out of the limo as fast as he could. He reached back for Chuck's hand at the last minute and then the three of them were off and running. Blair was grateful she'd worn sandals instead of heels. It was clear the zoo was going to be a marathon with Parker as her tour guide. They made their way through most of the exhibits without much issue. Parker asked her what she thought of each animal and informed her which ones were his favorites. He was disappointed that she didn't appreciate the bird atrium more and that had garnered a genuine laugh from Chuck. That was the sum of their interactions, though. Chuck acted as body guard to Parker but rarely interacted with Blair and didn't impede Parker from bonding with her. It was more than Blair could have hoped for, yet still she wanted more. She wanted Chuck to smile, to relax, to feel less unhappy in her presence.

The last stop on their trip was the reptile cavern, and Blair wasn't thrilled to go inside. She'd almost suggested they skip it, but Chuck shook his head before she could get the words out. She quickly realized the reptiles were Parker's very favorite exhibit. He liked snakes. Go figure.

"Do you think they'll take one out for us to pet again, Daddy?" Parker looked up from the giant snake tank he was in front of.

"Touch?" Blair nearly squeaked. She was not touching a snake.

Chuck smirked at her before answering Parker. "I'm sure I could arrange that. Why don't you ask Blair if she'd like to touch one, as well?" It was the first time he'd done anything less than kind, and Blair had to bite her tongue to stop from snapping something back at him.

"Do you, Mommy?" Parker peered at her with innocent, trusting eyes. "They're really cool," he enthused, obviously trying to seal the deal.

Blair hesitated. "Okay," she nodded. She even managed a small smile. There wasn't much Parker couldn't talk her into, she decided. Chuck would pay for this, though. She wasn't sure how, but she'd get him back.

Blair got through the snake petting adventure without incident, and then Parker insisted they head to the gift shop. That seemed like a safe choice, and Blair eagerly followed him in. Chuck trailed behind them, but he wasn't as vigilant in there. It soothed Blair's nerves a little bit that he wasn't treating her like a threat to their child any longer. For the first hour, it had been clear that Chuck was keeping an eye on all exits to make sure Blair didn't grab Parker and make a run for it. No one could say he wasn't a protective parent.

Parker raced around the store, going from toy to toy, stopping at games and finally settling on a stuffed animal he wanted. Blair was surprised when Chuck allowed her to buy it for Parker without comment. Finally, the three of them headed back towards the limo. Blair felt buoyed y the visit's success. She and Chuck hadn't argued once, Parker was becoming comfortable with her, and she felt like she was making inroads towards her final goal. By the time they climbed back into the limo, she was smiling.

Once they were all seated Chuck instructed the driver to take them to a restaurant in midtown that Blair remembered from her childhood. She and Serena used to go there every Friday afternoon with their nannies. They had the best pastries. She was surprised that Chuck was including her in this. He easily could have dropped her off and taken Parker by himself. She took it as a good sign that he wasn't. Her presence wasn't intolerable to him.

"Daddy got you a present." Parker was nearly bursting when he announced it. Blair was shocked out of her thought and turned quickly to look between Parker and Chuck. Sure enough, Chuck had another bag in his lap.

"Did you pick it out?" Blair guessed. There was no way Chuck willingly bought her a gift of any kind. She knew the only thing he wanted to give her was a ticket out of town.

Parker shook his head. "Nu-uh. Daddy picked it out all by himself. Can we give it to her now? Please? Please, Daddy?" Parker was already grabbing for the bag before Chuck could respond. "Here." Parker shoved the bag into her arms and waited expectantly. Blair knew she'd act like it was the Tiffany diamond just to please Parker.

She opened the bag quickly, realizing Parker wouldn't accept anything less. Inside was a fuzzy stuffed snake, striped in rainbow colors with purple eyes. Blair laughed out loud. It was either the cutest gift she'd ever received or the ugliest. She couldn't decide. She just knew she loved it, and she loved it even more that Chuck had picked it out. For one moment, he hadn't hated her.

"I love it." She pulled it out and rubbed the soft fur against her cheek. She couldn't look at Chuck – that was too dangerous – so she grinned down at Parker. "Thank you, very much," she murmured.

"Let me see." Parker reached for it and she handed it over. He started inspecting it, rubbing it against his cheek like she had, poking at it, rubbing the eyes and giggling. It was better than any silly diamond in Parker's eyes.

Blair finally got up the courage to look at Chuck again and found him watching them. She let her eyes rest on his for a moment. "Thank you, Chuck. I really do love it." She hoped he could hear the sincerity in her voice.

Chuck nodded but said nothing else for the rest of the ride.

Chuck wasn't surprised to find Georgina waiting for him when he arrived home with Parker. No doubt she'd found out about his day at the zoo with Blair from one of her spies. Her antics were starting to grate on his nerves. She knew he didn't like sneak attacks, especially not when Parker was around. Parker wasn't very fond of Georgina. She was always pleasant to him, and he'd put up with her if he absolutely had to, but it often became a contest of who could occupy Chuck's attention the longest. Georgina always lost, but that didn't stop her from trying anew the next time.

"Parker!" Her voice was shrill, and Parker frowned at her. "Oh, my, where did you get that lovely little creature." Georgina reached for Parker's stuffed monkey, but he hid it behind his back before she could touch it. "The zoo?" She asked innocently.

Chuck rolled his eyes. "Go upstairs and change into your PJ's. I'll be there in a minute." Chuck leaned down and placed a quick kiss on Parker's head. Once Parker was safely out of hearing range, Chuck turned towards Georgina. "I didn't expect you." His voice was cool. He walked around her and poured himself a glass of Scotch. He figured he'd need it for this confrontation.

"I'm sure you didn't." Her sweet voice was gone completely. "I, myself, was not sure what to expect when I got here. Maybe Blair back in your bed playing mommy to the child she abandoned?" Georgina poured her own glass of Scotch and threw it back quickly before pouring another.

"Calm down," Chuck sneered in return. He hated her dramatics.

"How can I calm down when you're tossing everything we have away?" Georgina bit back. Hysteria was oncoming, and Chuck wasn't in the mood. "I mean, she's back not even a week and you're spending quality time with the bitch."

Chuck did his best to ignore her, hoping she'd wear herself out and shut up.

"She's still crazy, Chuck. I don't care what she tells you. She's insane. No amount of therapy and drugs can cure what's wrong with her up there." When Chuck didn't respond, she got even more worked up. "Don't tell me you believe she's better? You really think she's home for good, ready to play mommy to your kid and devoted wife to you? She left you. She deserted you and that kid. You can't be stupid enough to believe her lies again. Haven't you been here before? Look what happened last time you believed her!" Georgina was screeching.

Chuck felt anger coil tightly inside of him. "Enough," he growled. He was gripping his glass so tightly he was afraid it might break, but he couldn't put it down. If he did, he might replace it with Georgina and throttle her.

She came towards him slowly, a contrite look on her face. She knew she'd crossed the imaginary line. "I'm just worried about you—" she tried.

Chuck couldn't handle it, though. "Don't insult me, Georgina. The only person you're worried about is yourself. If I want my crazy fucking wife back, I'll have her!" He slammed his drink down and the remaining alcohol sloshed over the sides. "Don't you ever come into my house again and question me like that. This once – THIS ONCE," he emphasized, "I'll let it go. But no more chances. What I do with my son and his mother doesn't concern you. If you don't like it, then take the ring I gave you, pawn it and head back to Europe. I don't give a fuck."

Scripted tears began sliding down her cheeks and her lip wobbled. He'd been through this before and felt no sympathy. "You don't mean that." She came up to him, sliding her body against his and wrapped her arms around his neck. Sex was the next tactic she'd employ. "What you and I have is good. You know that," she murmured as she leaned in for a kiss.

He turned away at the last second. He couldn't stomach the idea of being with her right then. "Don't." His voice was firm as he set her away from him and headed towards the stairs. "See yourself out." He didn't leave her with a promise of a call tomorrow because he wasn't sure he would want to speak to her. He just knew he couldn't stand the sight of her right then.

"Chuck!" She called after him, but he ignored her as he ascended the stairs and thankfully she didn't follow him.

Parker was lying on his bed staring down at the baby book Lily and Serena had put together for Chuck a few years ago. It was the typical sentimental bullshit that Chuck always scoffed at, but he'd kept it for Parker. Tonight his son was stuck on his first year page and Chuck knew exactly which picture he was looking at – Blair. Chuck could remember every detail of the photo even without looking down. It was from the day he and Blair had brought Parker home from the hospital. He'd been a tiny ball of blue and Blair had been in one of her happier stages. They were sitting on the same couch that was still downstairs, Parker in Blair's arms, Chuck standing behind Blair with a hand on her shoulder, a hint of a smile on his face. It had been a peaceful day. Chuck did his best to forget the happy times because it made the bad times harder to bear.

"What're you looking at?" Chuck sat down on the bed beside his son.

Parker looked up and Chuck expected his son's usual grin, but instead he found sadness. Chuck felt his heart clench in his chest for a moment before he regained control. Parker was rarely ever sad. Chuck made sure he had no reason to be. In fact, the only time Chuck could remember him crying real tears were when Bart died. That had been hard for Parker to understand, but thankfully Serena had talked to him about angels and Heaven and that had eased his mind.

"How come Mommy left us?" Parker's voice was so small, so soft that Chuck had to strain to hear him. The words packed a punch, though, and Chuck felt himself reeling. Parker had never once asked him that before. He barely talked about Blair at all, at least not with Chuck. It was like the two of them had agreed that subject was taboo and never broached it. Chuck knew Serena brought her up, but those mentions never made its way into their home.

It took Chuck a moment to compose himself enough to respond. He felt at a loss and that made him uncomfortable. He'd done everything he could to make sure Parker wanted for nothing. He encouraged his son's relationships with Serena and Lily, in large part because Chuck knew Parker needed maternal figures. He thought they'd been good substitutes. Looking down at his son then, unshed tears in his warm brown eyes, Chuck knew he'd failed. Parker wanted Blair. There was no way around that.

"She left me, not you." Chuck knew this was the right thing to say. Perhaps, it wasn't entirely truthful, but the truth was painful and more complicated then Parker could understand. One day, he would know everything and maybe he'd hate both Blair and Chuck for the choices they'd made. All Chuck had was that he'd done the best he could. He'd tried to protect his child's heart like he hadn't protected his own.

Parker wasn't satisfied, and the first tear fell. "Libby's mommy and daddy divorced because her mommy didn't love her daddy anymore. Did Mommy not love you anymore?" Parker scrubbed at his tear stained cheeks and, mercifully, they stopped falling for a moment. Chuck wasn't sure he could bear many more.

"I don't know." Chuck wanted to give Parker a better answer. He opted for the truth instead. Chuck settled back against the bed and pulled Parker into his arms, cradling him tightly. "I know she loved you. That never stopped, and it never could." Chuck promised his child. "I don't think anyone else could get Blair Waldorf to touch a snake, little man." Chuck tried to smile, but it fell flat. There was no levity in this conversation.

"Then why doesn't she live with us? Libby's mommy still lives with her."

Chuck felt so out of his depth. He knew he could brush this off, find some way to distract Parker and pray this never came up again. He'd been doing that for nearly five years though and it clearly hadn't worked. Parker wanted answers and Chuck owed them. He just didn't know what they were anymore. Before Blair came back, before he was faced with her obvious love for their son, he'd been able to brush her aside. He couldn't anymore.

Chuck took a deep breath and prayed he was doing the right thing. "Mommy was sick, Parker."

Parker interrupted before Chuck could continue. "Like puking sick or sniffles sick?"

"A different kind of sick," Chuck tried to explain. "She needed help, though, and that's why she had to leave. It had nothing to do with not loving you."

"Is she better now?" Parker peered up at Chuck, pure trust in his eyes.

Chuck wanted to say yes, but he wasn't sure. Blair seemed better, but Chuck wasn't the best judge. Last time when she'd been at her very worst, he'd believed her when she'd said she was fine. He'd ignored all the warning signs, all of their family and friends, and blindly trusted her when she told him everything was fine. He would never forgive himself or her for that. It had nearly cost them everything.

"I think so." It was the best Chuck could do.

Parker smiled then, the first bit of happiness seeping back into his eyes. "I think she's all better now. She's very pretty and doesn't look sick. I like her hair." Parker grinned. "Do you like her hair?"

Chuck laughed. "Your mother is very beautiful," Chuck allowed.

Parker nodded and then glanced back down at the picture again before asking his next question. "Since Mommy is better can she come home and live with us again?" Parker slowly lifted his eyes to Chuck's as he said this.

Chuck was blindsided. He should have seen it coming. Their entire conversation had been leading up to that question. Chuck had been blissfully ignorant to the possibility that Parker could want that, though, that he could even think that was possible. His immediate instinct was to flat out refuse the possibility. The hope in Parker's eyes stopped him cold.

"Parker…" Chuck hesitated, grappling for the right answer.

Parker jumped right in, eager to seal the deal. "You said you thought she was better, and that she was very pretty. And she loves me, and I'm sure she could love you, too, Daddy. You should just be nice to her like you are to me and smile – and she liked your gift a lot. A really lot." Parker added, and finally had to take a breath. "Please, Daddy." Chuck started to respond when Parker jumped in again. "We can send back the pony if you want. I just want Mommy."

Everything inside of Chuck went still at that. He suddenly realized that his child, his precious son, was begging him for his mother. How could that happen? How had Chuck let that happen? This had never been the plan. When Blair had told him she was pregnant, Chuck had rebuilt his entire world around the prospect of fatherhood. He'd married Blair. He'd bought the penthouse. He'd baby proofed the damn penthouse. He'd fallen in love. He'd promised Blair that he'd be a good father, better than his and hers combined, and she'd believed him. He'd never questioned what kind of mother she would be. He'd just known she would be amazing. Their future had been so bright.

The first time Chuck had held Parker he'd looked down at him and known Parker was his world. He was so tiny and defenseless, and Chuck wanted nothing more than to protect him. He wanted Parker to live in a world of safety and happiness. His son would never beg for love. Never. Chuck realized that's exactly what Parker was doing now. He was begging for Blair's love, and Chuck was withholding it. He'd been withholding it for a while, telling himself it was the right thing, the safe thing. And it probably was. Blair could go off the rails at any time; she could fall apart; she could leave; she could break Parker's heart. Chuck could no longer convince himself this was inevitable, though. What if Blair was better? What if she was ready to be the mother their child so clearly needed? Chuck felt wrecked but he knew what he had to do.

"Listen to me, Parker." He pulled his son around so they were eye to eye. He was giving his word and that meant everything in their relationship. Chuck never made promises he couldn't keep. "I don't know what's going to happen with your mom. I hadn't really thought about it before. Things are changing, though, and I guess I was just slow to catch up." Parker smiled at him and patted his cheek in comfort. "I'll do everything I can to make this work out with your mom. I can't promise she'll move in with us, but I can promise you can see her anytime you want."

Parker clapped his hands excitedly, but then his face fell into uncertainty. "Do you think she'll wanna see me?"

Chuck's answer was unequivocal. "Yes."

Parker smiled again. "Can we call her now? I want to talk to her about the zoo and see if she's sleeping with the rainbow snake. I was thinking he needs a name – What do you think we should name it? We should help, Mommy, don't you think? She probably hasn't had a snake before. She made funny faces when she had to touch them." Parker giggled at the memory. "Can we call her now?"

Chuck nodded. "Sure. Just don't let her name it Chuck."

Blair stared out the hotel window and smiled. Her child was just a few minutes away, probably tucked into bed, dreaming of monkeys and snakes. The thought made her laugh. Carter appeared behind her and frowned at her reflection in the glass.

"He's getting to you."

Blair didn't know what to say. Carter's insecurities where Chuck and Parker were concerned were not easily allayed. Parker was her son. He came first. He had to. Chuck was more complicated, and if Blair was truthful with herself, she would admit he was the only man she'd ever really given herself to completely. She'd cared for others, but they had never been able to eclipse what Chuck was to her. He was her husband, the father of her child, and so much more. But if she said any of that to Carter, she'd hurt him and she truly didn't want that. He loved her, and she desperate wanted to love him back. It just felt like that part of her had broken a long time ago, and nothing she ever did could repair it.

"I can't fight with you tonight," she whispered tiredly. "I had a wonderful day with my son. He told me he wanted to look like me and held my hand. We touched snakes together, and he fed me a cupcake. It was every dream I've ever had, Carter. I can't apologize for even a second of it."

"Parker isn't the issue." His voice was hard and unyielding. He'd been drinking all day just to get the courage up to say this.

"Isn't he?" Blair wasn't ready for this honesty, but she was sick of hiding as well. "He's my son. He came before you, and he'll come after you, after everyone. I love him more than I ever thought possible – I look at that child and I wonder how I created that. How did someone as screwed up as me make him. He's perfect. He's beautiful and sweet and God, he's smart. He's so smart. He's my world, Carter." Blair felt the emotion clogging her throat.

"And his father?"

Fresh tears sprung behind Blair's eyes, and she quickly wiped them away. She didn't want to do this, but she knew it was time. "Chuck was my husband. I loved him."

Carter nodded. "Past tense."

Blair turned to him, and her heart twisted at the pain in Carter's eyes. It had cost him to ask her that. Every second of her silence cost him a little bit more. "Truth?" She owed it to him, but she wasn't sure either one of them wanted to deal with it.

"Yes." It was barely a whisper.

"I don't know. Hating Chuck has always been easy. He made it easy. But now…" Blair had to look away. "It's not so easy. I look at him with our child…" She couldn't stop the tears from falling then. "He's a good father. He took care of Parker when I couldn't. He loves him the way I always wanted my child to be loved – how I always wanted to be loved."

"That's not a straight answer, Blair." There was no anger in his voice, no nothing really. He just sounded defeated, and Blair hated that.

She turned to him quickly and grasped his face between her hands. She held him there, forcing him to look into her eyes, praying he found something worthwhile there. "I'm with you."

Carter shook his head, a soft smile sliding across his lips. "You're already miles away." He covered her hands with his for a moment before he pulled them away and stepping back. He headed towards the door as her cell phone began to ring. "I need some air."

Blair stared after him, part of her wanting to follow, part of her grateful for the peace. Her phone continued to ring until she couldn't ignore it any longer. She snatched it up and was surprised to see Chuck's name flash across the screen. She answered immediately.

"Chuck?" She was hesitant.

"Nope," Parker's sing song voice chimed through. "Daddy said I could call you. We need to name your snake. We forgot in the limo, 'member?"

Blair grinned and eased herself back onto the bed. She pulled the little snake out of her purse and laid it across her chest. "What did you have in mind?"

"Hmm, well, Daddy says you can't name him Chuck." Blair grinned, and she heard Chuck laugh in the background. The sound wormed its way inside of her and warmed her up. It had been so long since she'd heard it.

"What about Rainbow?" Blair suggested as she looked down at the object in question.

Parker's answer was quick. "Boring."

Blair stifled a laugh. He was such a mini Chuck in some ways. Never be ordinary when you could be extraordinary. "Alright, what do you think, then?"

"I think you should name him Spike, because he's tough and a boy. Boys are tough." Parker told her seriously. Blair found herself nodding along.

"Okay, we'll name him Spike. He's going to sleep right beside me tonight." Blair just hoped Carter didn't comment.

"Mommy…" Parker was more hesitant then, and Blair held her breath. "Are you better now?" Blair was stunned by the question and couldn't react quickly enough. "Daddy and I think you are. Are you better? Mommy?" He pressed.

Blair swallowed the lump in her throat. "I am, Parker. I'm all better now. I promise." She'd broken every promise she'd ever made to him in the past, but she wouldn't break this one. "Parker…" Blair was the nervous one now.

"Yeah, Mommy?"

"I love you." The words slipped out before she could stop them. She wasn't even sure he'd want to hear that from her. She'd been a stranger for most of his life, coming in and out, causing chaos along the way. She couldn't not say it, though. She needed him to know. She needed him to feel it. She wouldn't fail him this time.

"I love you, too." He said it back so naturally, like it had always been there. "I have to go brush my teeth now, but Daddy says I can see you whenever I want. I want to see you tomorrow, okay? Will you come see me? You could come to see the horses with me and grandma Lily." His cheerfulness was infectious.

"I'd love to."

Parker hung up a minute later, and Blair lay back against the bed, replaying every part of their conversation. It was then that she realized what Parker had said. _Daddy says I can see you whenever I want_. Blair nearly started jumping on the bed. She was getting her family back.


	8. CHANGE

AN: I haven't written in so long, I can't believe I even managed to get this out. I wasn't going to post it, but then I completed another chapter, and am working on another right now so I figured what the hell. It's been a bit of a stress release doing this, and since GG is over and I can stop hating the drivel on the show it's a lot easier to read. If anyone is still interested in this, thanks for reading.

You Were Mine

Chapter Eight.

CHANGE

_"We are not the same persons this year as last; nor are those we love._

_It is a happy chance if we, changing, continue to love a changed person." _

- William Somerset Maugham

Blair kept a tight grip on Parker's hand as he lead her around the stables. Lily walked beside them preoccupied by a business phone call. Blair had been hesitant to spend the morning with Lily, but the prospect of having Parker time swayed her. It wasn't that Blair didn't like Lily. She did, and she truly appreciated Lily turning the BE stock over to her. Maybe that was the problem. Blair felt guilty. She'd been so single minded in her plan to take down Chuck, and reclaim her son that she'd ignored the very real people who would get hurt in the process. To Carter, they were all collateral. Unfortunate, but nothing to lose sleep over. To Blair, they were so much more. Lily had been a fixture in her life since she was a child. Now, she was Parker's grandmother, and Parker clearly loved her.

It all made Blair very uneasy. A family unit existed here. Parker's world revolved around all the people Blair had set out to use. The fact that Blair was changing her plans now didn't fool her into believing that Chuck would ever understand if he found out. That meant that Jack Bass had to be handled soon, and very quietly. Carter wasn't thrilled with this change in plans, but Blair knew it was the only chance she had at her happily ever after. She'd been fooling herself believing she came back here for revenge, for _justice. _She hadn't. She'd come back for her family, and now that she'd had a taste of it nothing else would do. She wanted it all. She wanted the dream.

"Parker," Lily called out to him, and Blair's little boy piveted immediately.

The smile he reserved for his grandmother was bright and adoring. Blair's heart clenched. It was _trusting_. She wondered if she'd ever get there, or if the damage she'd inflicted had already closed that road to her. She knew all too well that once a child's trust was broken you never got it back. They loved you. They forgave you. But they never saw you the same. The safety net ceased to exist. Blair had gone through it with her own parents, and it killed her to think that she'd done the same to Parker. At least he had Chuck. Serena. Lily.

"Come show Mommy your favorite." Lily sent a reserved smile Blair's way, and then pulled Parker off with her. Blair dutifully followed behind them, still feeling as lost as ever, a stranger in her own son's world.

Parker stopped up ahead, and turned toward a lagging Blair. "Mommy." He scowled at her impatiently, and before Blair could respond he'd grabbed her hand and started to drag her along. "You have to meet Pecan. He's grumpy and mean. I love him best."

Blair didn't find the need to ask why Parker adored a grumpy, mean horse. It just seemed to fit. Parker was her child. _Chuck's_ child. Of course he had these peculiarities. The thought made her smile, and by the time Parker had pulled her up to the stall she was feeling lighter than she had all morning.

"Don't try to pet him," Parker warned her. "He bites." To emphasize this Parker chomped his teeth together a few times, and both Blair and Lily had to laugh at this. Parker turned to Lily then, and raised his arms. "Lift." It was a command that Lily happily answered. Blair felt a moment of bereivement watching them.

Lily held Parker over the stall as he carefully fed Pecan. Blair watched nervously, eager for Parker to be put down again. Nice, normal horses were one thing but she didn't want to see her sweet child bitten. With her luck Chuck would blame the entire thing on her, and they'd be set back once more. She was taking every inch she was given with baby steps.

"Lily…" Blair was tense as she watched Parker. Lily turned to her in askance and immediately realized Blair's trouble. "Maybe…" Blair didn't want to spell it out for fear that Parker would become upset. If one thing had become abundantly clear to her it was that Chuck had spoiled Parker. Her son didn't really hear the word 'no' very often.

Lily laughed lightly. "Don't worry, Blair. Pecan has a special affinity for Parker. None of the grooms can believe it, but he never snaps. Does he, Parker?" Lily beamed down at Parker.

Parker turned toward Blair with a smirk so reminiscent of his father that Blair had to suck in a breath. "Nope. I'm special."

Blair smiled back. She couldn't help herself. She felt a ridiculous pride in the fact that some grumpy, mean horse loved her child. That Parker was special. That he was everything she'd ever dreamed he would be. A piece of herself and Chuck so uncorrupted and beautiful. Whatever she had done in her life, at least she'd helped to create him. At least she'd given him the right father, one she never had. Harold was a good man. He tried, but he'd never been present in her life. Times had gotten tough and he'd run. It made Blair sick to realize she had done the same thing to Parker.

Lily put Parker down after a few minutes, and though Parker grumbled he didn't put up too much of a fight. "Alright, Parker, why don't you go check with Thomas and see if Thayer is ready to be ridden. Your mother and I will be right along." Parker was off and running before Lily could even finish her sentence. Lily turned to Blair with a patient smile. "I thought I had it bad with Serena, but there's no child with more energy and love for life than Parker. He's truly amazing…" It was a leading statement, and Blair knew that Lily was watching her carefully.

"Chuck has done a wonderful job raising him." It didn't pain Blair to admit that like she thought it would. Chuck's success with Parker was a balm to her guilt.

Lily nodded. "No one thought Charles would take to fatherhood the way he did. Bart and I were truly shocked. After you-" Lily stopped, a horrified expression crossing her face. "I apologize, Blair. I'm sure this isn't what you want to hear."

Blair shook her head. Lily was wrong. She was desperate to know anything about her child's life, about Chuck's. Serena had always been reluctant to hand even the smallest morsel over about Chuck, like it would be a betrayal. Blair supposed in Chuck's eyes it would have been. Might still have been, but Lily was offering, and Blair needed to know.

"I'd like to know." Blair couldn't hide her nerves.

Lily nodded. "Well, after you were gone Bart and I really thought we'd have to step in. I had a nanny all picked out, and I figured for a time Parker could come stay with us. Serena and Nate were also eager to help, but Charles… It was like he couldn't let Parker out of his sight. From that moment forward they were a team. We all love Parker, but he's Chuck's life."

Blair heard the warning in those words. Don't think to take that child from Chuck. Lily didn't have to say it. The threat was there. Silence enveloped them for the rest of the walk, and by the time Blair reached Parker she was glad to be out of Lily's company. Some truths were harder than others, and hearing just how close Parker was to his father unnerved her. She was happy for her little boy, but she also feared she'd never be able to forge the same kind of relationship, not with Chuck hovering behind her just waiting for her to screw up. Though it hadn't been spelled out to her she understood that her unlimited Parker time would always come with a watchdog. Chuck didn't trust her, and she didn't trust him.

Parker was walked around on Lily's horse for the next thirty minutes, and everytime he passed by Blair he waved. She waved back. It became their ritual. Lily hovered nearby for the first fifteen minutes, but then business called her away again. Blair enjoyed this time the most. She felt like a real mother, out with her son, watching his triumphs. On Parker's last lap he had the groom stop right next to Blair.

"Can my mommy ride too?" He gave the groom his sweetest smile, and Blair put a matching one on her own face. "Please, Mr. Thomas." Parker's smile turned into a grin as Thomas began to waver. "Grandma Lily don't care."

Blair laughed out loud. "I assure you it will be fine, Thomas." Blair sent him an engaging smile. "I'm quite good with horses. I've been riding since I was a child. Mrs. Bass won't mind."

Thomas finally nodded. "Alright then. Just one lap though. I really am supposed to get consent."

Blair smiled widely. "Thank you, Thomas."

She let the groom help her onto the horse behind Parker, and then finally she had her baby in her arms again. In truth, Blair had never favored riding. Eleanor had taken her as a child, and Blair had always found the whole thing messy. She much preferred tea parties and miniature fashion shows. She left the horses to Serena and the boys. The fact that Parker enjoyed this so much convinced her she should give it another try, and in truth she would do anything to please him.

"Okay," Blair took a deep breath. "Let's go nice and slow."

Parker giggled. "Faster, Mommy."

Blair shook her head. "Slow. Mommy is out of practice. We could fall." Blair gingerly got the horse to go, and tried to keep her nerves steady. The steady thump of Thayer's hooves scared her, especially with Parker in her lap. How Chuck ever let him ride Blair didn't know. She was having multiple heart attacks thinking of all the things that could go awry.

"Faster, Mommy." Parker twisted around in her lap, and looked up at her with pleading eyes. "Daddy lets me go fast." It was a clear manipulation, and Blair knew that but she felt herself falling anyway. "He don't care." Poor Thomas's downfall, was also Blair's.

"Alright, just a little faster." Blair sped the horse up, and Parker clapped happily. "Having fun?" Blair tried to sound excited rather than scared, but she feared she failed.

Parker turned back to look at her again, and giggled. "You look just like Daddy."

Blair found that doubtful, and scrunched up her face. "I do?"

Parker nodded. "Yup. Everytime he comes to watch me he has just that face. That funny face." Parker giggled some more, and Blair couldn't stop herself from joining in. He was the perfect little con, and she'd fallen for it hook line and sinker. "Look!" Suddenly Parker was jumping up and down in the seat. "Daddy!" He began waving his arms, and Blair's heart did a double take.

She turned the horse around the final corner, and found Chuck watching them from the other side of the fence. His face was expressionless, but Blair worried their little riding adventure would not go over well with him. He'd said she could accompany Lily, not take his son off on a horse. Chuck of all people knew Blair's aversion to horses and all animals in general. She steeled herself for what was to come.

Thomas helped Parker off the horse first, and he ran right into his father's waiting arms. By the time Blair made it over to him Parker was regaling Chuck with tales of their adventure.

"… and Mommy is a scaredy cat like you. She got that same funny face." He put his hands on Chuck's face, and attempted to turn his father's mouth into a frown. Chuck was smiling at his antics so Parker finally gave up.

"I…" Blair let out a deep breath. She'd expected dramatics but so far Chuck seemed calm, or as calm as Chuck Bass ever got. "I'm not much of a horsewoman I'm afraid." Parker laughed at this like it was the funniest thing he'd ever heard.

"I remember that about you." Chuck mumurred, and their eyes caught for a moment before he was back to focusing on Parker. Blair felt a sense of loss in that moment, an alienation she couldn't explain. She was standing right beside Chuck and Parker but she didn't feel apart of them. She was a favored aunt or a new toy, but she wasn't the mother. That wasn't her role, but it should have been. She desperately wanted it to be.

"Chuck-" She started to say something, but nothing sounded right in her head. She knew without trying that Chuck wouldn't be open to soul searching that morning. His showing up there in the middle of a business day was just further proof that he didn't want her around their son unchaperoned. Apparently even Lily wasn't enough of a guard on their interactions. Blair couldn't exactly blame Chuck for his concern, but she resented the hell out of it at the same time.

"Mrs. Bainbridge is waiting in the limo to take you to your playdate with Dylan." Chuck spoke to Parker as if Blair wasn't even there. It felt unjust, but she stayed silent. This was just another reminder of how she didn't belong.

Parker started pouting immediately. "But I don't want to play with Dylan. I want to stay with Mommy and Grandma Lily. Can I, Daddy? Please." Parker leaned in and hugged Chuck tightly for good measure. Affection was clearly a bargaining chip, and Blair was amused at the picture that painted of Chuck. Give him a hug and he's a big softy. No one in the whole world could believe that, even if they stood where she stood then and witnessed the entire interaction.

"Dylan is expecting you, and your mother has business to attend to I'm sure." Blair thought about contradicting him, but decided that was unwise. "Give her a hug." Chuck turned Parker toward Blair, and before she knew it her son was climbing into her arms.

Parker clung to her like a monkey, and she was unashamed to cling right back. He smelled wonderful, and felt even better. He was her baby. It was still such a novelty. He pulled back after a moment, and cupped her cheeks between his hands. Blair stared straight into his eyes, holding her breath as she waited. It felt like he was testing her, and she desperately wanted to pass but she didn't know what to do or say.

"Can I call you after?" Parker's voice was small and unsure. The unsurety gutted her, and she couldn't answer him right away. "Please." He begged, and gripped her face tighter. He leaned down so their noses were touching, and their eyes were aligned just right.

Blair felt poleaxed. His fear made her nauseous. The knowledge that her child had to question her love and attention… it was too much. "Of course." She whispered, and knew that silent tears were streaming down her face. She wanted to wipe them away, but she couldn't pull away from Parker. Nothing was worth that to her.

Chuck stood by them taking in the whole encounter. His heart hadn't unclenched since he'd handed Parker over to Blair, and watched how desperate his son was for her. He'd wanted to rip Parker away, and stop this entire thing. He wanted to go back to when things were easy, and he'd convinced himself Parker didn't need a mother, didn't need Blair. Those fantasies were all falling away now. Time and distance meant nothing to Parker. He loved Blair with a childlike innocence and hope that nearly undid Chuck.

"Why don't we invite your mommy to dinner with us at Aunt Serena's?" The words were out before Chuck could stop them, and by the look on Parker's face he knew he'd done the right thing. "Blair?" Chuck couldn't hide the bite in his tone, but his son was too wrapped up to notice.

"S cooks good." Parker said for added incentive.

Blair didn't need it. "I would love too." She leaned in, and hugged Parker one more time.

"Alone." Chuck clarified. Blair nodded without looking at him. "Alright, come on Parker." Blair set Parker down, and watched as Chuck reached for his hand, and walked away from her. She ached in that moment, wanting nothing more than to follow, nothing more than to belong with them.

"You'll get there."

Blair spun around in surprise to find Lily standing by the gate. She had a knowing look in her eyes, and Blair wanted to snap at her. Compassion. Pity. It scared Blair. She had no room for it in her world. If she let herself fall into those traps she'd become weak again, and she couldn't have that. This was the biggest fight of her life. She had to be tough. Impenatratable.

"I should be going. Thank you for this morning, Lily." Blair made to move past the older woman, but Lily didn't let her pass.

"He'll fight you every step of the way, Blair. You should be prepared for that. He lived in Hell for a long time after you left, the first time, and the last. It won't be easy for you to get past those walls." Lily's voice was soft, but stern. "This is the last chance."

Blair nodded. "I know." Lily started to leave then, and Blair felt a merciful relief, but at the last minute she called out, unable to stifle herself. "Do you think I can?" Lily turned back to her, but remained silent. "Get past those walls, I mean. Do you think it's even possible?" It cost Blair to lay herself bare, but she felt a certain kinship with Lily, a shaky trust that she needed to rely on.

Lily didn't speak for what felt like forever, and Blair waited with baited breath. She knew no matter what Lily said she wouldn't give up, but encouragement was greatly needed. Her own defenses felt battered and broken. Being around Parker stripped her, and that frightened her. It left her vulnerable to Chuck, and she never knew what to expect where he was concerned. There was a time when he was her greatest champion, but she'd disillusioned him. She feared those were wounds not even time could heal.

"Yes." It was simple. She offered no more before she turned and left, but Blair clung to it like a lifeline.

_Yes_.

Chuck arrived at Serena's early, because Parker insisted on going on one of his special walks with Nate. Neither Nate or Parker would ever actually tell Chuck what exactly made these walks special, but Parker looked forward to them and always came back happy. Nate was a natural at being the favored uncle. Once they'd stocked up on water for Nate and juice boxes for Parker they were off, and Chuck was left alone with his meddling sister. She had a pleased smile on her lips which told him she'd spoken to Blair or Lily or both.

"So…" Serena kept on grinning as she prepared a salad for that evening. "Mom said this mornings outting went well. Parker had a great time with the horses… and Blair…" Serena just kept staring at Chuck, clearly expecting to hear details.

"Are we gossiping now?" There was more bite behind his words than he meant, and Serena's smile turned into a disappointed smile. He wasn't sure why her censure bothered him, but it did. If he was honest with himself he knew there was no one more fair minded in his life than Serena. He supposed that it should have comforted him that she seemed so pleased with his decisions lately, but it only seemed to unease him.

"Actually Chuck, I was trying to have a civil conversation with you… allow you to decompress if you needed to. I could listen… I could be there." She whispered the last part, a softer look drifting into her eyes. Serena's compassion had gotten him through his toughest times, and it disarmed him now.

"Parker loves her." The realization put to words ripped through his body, nearly causing him physical pain. Parker loved Blair. And maybe worse than that, he needed her. Chuck had been avoiding the obvious for so long that it felt like a sucker punch to finally express it now.

"I know." Serena reached across the counter, and briefly touched Chuck's hand. Their eyes locked, a pure moment of understanding, before Serena pulled back to continue chopping her vegetables and Chuck looked away to compose himself.

Chuck took a moment to control his wild emotions. Ever since the day Blair had arrived he'd been spinning, and he still was, but he was getting used to the dizzying effect. Maybe that was what scared him, that this was somehow becoming familiar again… desired.

"I'm sure you heard we're expecting another dinner guest…" Chuck waited for Serena to comment or smile smugly, but she simply nodded and continued chopping. He hated when she got silent like this. He needed her annoying honesty to keep him grounded, to remind him he was doing the right thing. "Did you speak with Blair?"

Serena looked up then, a tired sigh escaping her. "Briefly. I told her when dinner was. You know Blair, she's not one to show her cards. I'm sure she's excited though." Serena went back to chopping, and Chuck stared at her incredulously.

"That's all? You have nothing more to say about this, Serena? You've been so damn vocal for years championing Blair's cause I thought for sure I would get a pat on the back for this. I think I deserve it." He added churlishly. There was something about being with ones sister that always brought out the little kid in you. No one could piss him off quite like Serena.

"I wouldn't want to gossip." She shot right back. Chuck glared, and she glared back for a minute before her face finally relaxed, and a tiny smile peaked out. "Okay, I am a little proud of you, but honestly I expected nothing less. I always knew your love for Parker would force you to do the right thing." Serena made sure Chuck was really listening to her as she continued. "You're the best father I know Chuck. Parker is lucky."

Chuck wouldn't say it out loud, because sentimentality freaked him out, but Serena's support and belief in him was a true comfort. Sometimes he worried he'd be just like his own father, screw Parker up, hurt him in some irrevocable way without even meaning to. And when those dark thoughts creeped in, when he was at his most insecure, Serena always seemed to know and step in. She was the person standing behind him saying, 'you can do this Chuck'. A lot of other people had helped too, but Serena had been his saving grace at times when he needed it most.

Chuck hesitated for a moment, and Serena didn't look away. She must have instinctively known there was something more he wanted to say.

"Do you…" Chuck looked away. He hated any kind of unsurety in his life. That was weak, and he couldn't be that. Still, he'd sacrifice anything for Parker, even pride. "Do you really think I'm doing the right thing? Do you really think Blair's better?" The words felt brittle in his mouth, but he had to get them out.

Serena didn't answer at first, and that caused Chuck to panic. If Serena wasn't sure of Blair's mental well being then there was no way Chuck could risk Blair around Parker. His son's wants were at the top of his list, but if Blair was a danger Chuck would rather Parker be disappointed than hurt again. He'd put Blair ahead of his child once before, and it was a mistake he'd never make again.

"I think… she's trying." Serena finally finished, and that had Chuck reaching for his phone to call the whole thing off. Serena snatched it away before he could, and forced him to look at her. "What's so wrong with trying? Isn't that what we all do every day? I can promise you I didn't have any clue about how to be an aunt before Parker came along. I sure as hell didn't know what to do when everything went bad, but I kept trying. Every day. Just like you. And we made it work. We, all of us as a family, made it work. Blair is doing the same thing now. She's trying. And I think you know that which is why you invited her tonight, and told Parker he could have her in his life. You have every right to be cautious Chuck, but Blair is a part of this family and she's home now."

Chuck nodded. "The question is how long will she stick around this time."

Serena didn't have the answer, and Chuck excused himself to take some business calls. He couldn't think about Blair anymore right then. It would be enough having her sit across from him at dinner, watching her with his son all the while praying Parker came through this okay. Trying was fine. Serena was right they'd all been doing it for a long time, but no one had failed Parker more spectacularly than Blair, and Chuck was terrified of going down that road again.

Blair was just putting the finishing touches upon her hair when Carter sauntered into the suite. He smelled of booze and trashy women. Normally Blair would have questioned where he'd been, but she was in a hurry to get to dinner, and didn't feel like starting that argument now. When Carter was stressed or hurting he lashed out. Blair didn't think he'd ever been unfaithful, but then she'd never really pressed the issue. Sometimes she thought that bothered Carter more than anything.

"Hot date?" He was slurring, which was never a good thing.

"Dinner at Serena's with my son." Blair saw no point in sugar-coating it. She also didn't see a point in mentioning Chuck would be there. Carter was already in a tail spin. "Order room service and sober up."

She started to walk past him when he suddenly stepped in front of her blocking her way. She stared back at him impatiently, and frowned at his smirking face. When he tried to lean in for a kiss she ducked away, and shoved him.

"I can't be late." She grabbed her purse, and was halfway to the door when he called out.

"Do you really think it's going to be this easy, Blair?" Blair really wanted to ignore him, but his words hit on the fears already flowing through her. She turned around slowly, trying to look unimpressed but failing. "Chuck has spent years hating you. Your kid barely knows you. Do you really think a few weeks in town, and you're going to turn into Mommy of the year? Life doesn't work like that. You used to know that."

"You're drunk, Carter. Sleep it off." She started to leave again, but he just wouldn't stop.

"Even if you think it's better, even if you convince yourself you're getting it all back… He's never really going to forgive you. He's always going to look at you and see the scars… see what you did." Carter watched her with pity in his eyes.

Blair flinched. "I don't need his forgiveness. I just need my son. I'm sorry if this doesn't fit into your plans Carter, but I've never been dishonest. BE doesn't mean anything to me. Parker is my priority. Maybe I won't be mother of the year, but I'll be doing my best."

Carter nodded. "Well then, don't keep them waiting. We both know Chuck hates to wait."

Blair didn't grace him with another response, and left the room as quickly as possible. Carter's words echoed in her head the entire way to Serena and Nate's. _He's never really going to forgive you_. Blair very much feared that was true. Every move Chuck had made since she'd returned had been in reaction to Parker. She knew that if Parker didn't have an interest in her then Chuck never would have opened this door. Yet, there was hope in that. Crack lines were forming. Chuck's hate was transforming. Blair had seen it herself that very day. He'd invited her tonight. Some small part of him maybe even wanted her there. It wasn't forgiveness, but it was all she had, and Blair knew she could work with it.


	9. HISTORY

AN: Wow, the response to this has been amazing! I would totally have understood if all of you had given up on me and this story. I've been suffering through law school for the past few years, so writing of any kind besides briefs hasn't been possible. It was never my intention to abandon these stories though, and for those who have asked I plan on coming back to FE as well. The continued support for me and my stories really warms my heart so I wanted to thank you all SO MUCH! I decided I'd go ahead and post another chapter since you've been so kind with the reviews, and I've already kept you waiting so long. I'm working on the next one right now, and am hoping to keep cranking this out on a regular basis.

**Chapter 9.**

**HISTORY**

"_History is a relentless master. It has no present, only the past _

_rushing into the future. To try to hold fast is to be swept aside."_

_- John F. Kennedy_

Blair was surprised to run into Parker and Nate on the sidewalk in front of the brownstone. Nate seemed even more surprised, and looked at what to do when Parker barrelled toward Blair, and reached his arms up so she'd carry him in. He was sweaty and dirty like little children usually were, and while Blair had found such things disgusting in the past she simply loved the real feeling of her child. She'd never felt anything so normal or natural in her life, and she clung to him disregarding the fact that her new designer dress would be sullied by the time she arrived upstairs.

"Blair…" Nate smiled tightly at her.

The last time they'd seen each other was at Nate's wedding, and he had been beyond pissed to see her arrive with Carter. She still vividly remembered the scene from that day. Serena had tried brushing it off, Chuck had looked apoplectic, but it was Nate who surprised her by coming down so hard. He'd asked her if she would ever learn, and she'd been so stunned by the venom in his voice she hadn't been able to respond. Later, it had been Nate who'd showed her to her limo, stone-faced and uncompromising. It had been a blow to a friendship she thought she'd have forever.

"Chuck invited me. So, don't worry that you're conversing with the enemy… at least not tonight." Blair tried to keep her voice light and airy. Parker was still clinging to her, and she didn't want him to catch onto the tension between her and Nate. Still, it was hard looking at Nate and not seeing a traitor. Whatever her faults, she'd never turned her back on him.

Nate sighed. He was never one to play word games. "You were never my enemy, Blair." Before Blair could contradict him, which she likely would have, he saved her from embarassing herself in front of Parker by barrelling on. "Sorry if Parker and I stink, we just ran a marathon back here to make it in time for dinner. Serena hates it when I'm late for this stuff."

Parker giggled in Blair's arms. "Uncle Nate is always late. S is not happy." Parker shook his head for emphasis, and Blair couldn't stop herself from smiling.

"Then we better head up." Blair stepped onto the elevator, before Nate and didn't look back. She focused all her attention on Parker, and listened to him detail how fast he could run, how slow Nate was, and then made her promise not to tell S or his daddy because these were special secrets. Blair felt a welcome warmth creep over her that her son was confiding in her. When she peaked a glance at Nate she saw him smiling as well. At least he wasn't reprimanding her this visit.

Chuck looked up from his Blackberry surprised to find Blair walking in with Parker in her arms, Nate trailing behind them. He shot a look at Nate, but his best friend just shrugged and announced he needed a shower. Chuck still felt uneasy at the cosy mother-son scene that was playing out before him, but he knew he couldn't derail it. Parker always had this glow in his eyes when Blair was around. It was like his excitement over a new toy, except Parker bored with new toys quickly, and his fascination with Blair only seemed to be growing.

"You probably need a bath too." Chuck guessed, and Parker finally looked up from his mother. He frowned, and Chuck readied himself for a fight. Parker hated to take baths. Chuck usually had to bribe him just to get him in the tub lately. It was like he was adverse to being clean.

"Daddy," Parker began to whine, "I want to stay with Mommy. I don't need a bath." Parker's pleading chocolate eyes stared into Chuck's, and Chuck almost caved but Serena saved the day.

"Stinky boys don't sit at my table." She walked over to Blair, and easily scooped Parker out of her arms. Chuck noticed Blair frown, and worried she'd make a scene, but thankfully she held it in. "I'll give Parker a quick bath if you guys don't mind setting the table." She looked between Chuck and Blair briefly before disappearing into the back with Parker, and leaving them alone.

Chuck let out an amused breath. "She's not subtle."

Blair nodded. "Never her forte."

They just stood there for a moment, looking around, staring down, doing anything but facing one another. Blair could handle Chuck when Parker was there, but without that buffer she felt adrift. There were so many things she wanted to say to him, but they all got confused in her head and somehow turned to pure silence. Chuck didn't seem to be handling the situation much better.

"Thanks for inviting me… I really do appreciate this chance, Chuck." Blair hated this feeling, like she had to beg and scrape, but she knew she had to walk a fine line. Chuck's moods weren't stable, and she feared he'd change his mind at any moment. It would kill her to have Parker ripped away from her again. Seeing how amazing he was had only made her love grow.

"For Parker." He said this slowly, making sure she understood and she nodded.

Everything in Chuck's world was for Parker. If she forgot that for a second, if she let herself believe he might actually care about her own feelings… well she'd just end up disappointed. And disappointment was a dangerous road for her. She needed stability and strength. Two things she and Chuck did not excel at. Maybe they'd had a chance at that once, but –

"Blair!" Serena's bellowing voice called out, and Blair took off without a second thought. She was scared Parker had fallen and hit his head or hurt himself in some other way. He was so small and fragile.

Chuck was right behind her, and by the time they made it to the bathroom they found Serena drenched, and Parker dancing around in the tub singing and laughing. Blair stood stalk still for a moment, just taking it all in. Her little boy was filled with so much joy, and before she could stop herself she started laughing as well. She thought she heard Chuck behind her, but she was too mesmerized by Parker to turn around.

"Go ahead Serena, I can take it from here." Chuck waved a sopping Serena away.

"Ah you're too kind, Chuck. But actually he wants Blair." Serena watched as Chuck's face fell, and she quickly tried to dispel the tension. "You're off the hook. You get to stay dry. I'm going to change before dinner." Serena leaned in laying a big smacking kiss on Parker that made him giggle, before she walked out.

Blair still stood in the doorway. She was excited that Parker wanted her, but felt completely out of her depth. He looked like a little wild man in that tub, and she wasn't sure dancing on a wet surface was entirely safe. Parker looked pretty competant and Chuck wasn't freaking out, but Blair was nervous.

"Look Mommy!" Parker called out to her before he dumped a bucket of water on his head, and began giggling again. He had all kinds of toys floating around him, and Blair started to feel a bit panicked.

"Wow." She kept smiling, but her hands were trembling and her legs felt weak. She didn't know how to do this. She didn't know how to bathe her child, or what was safe for him and what wasn't. She'd missed all these learning steps, and now she was totally lost and inept.

Chuck stepped in closer behind her, and she felt him slide his hands over her shaking ones. He was such a tower of support in that moment that she wanted to lean back against him, and drink from his strength, but she wasn't sure how he would take that. They stayed like that for a moment, huddled close, hands connected as Parker twirled in front of them completely oblivious. Blair was torn. She wanted to hold her child, share in his joy, but she also wanted to stay there with Chuck, feeling a closeness that had been denied to her for so long. She wasn't sure why he was doing it, but she knew she needed it. She'd been ready to falter, and he'd held her up.

"Come on." Chuck freed her hands, and softly pushed her toward the tub. He nodded down at the mat Serena had been kneeling on, and Blair carefully eased herself down. Her dress was constrictive, and she had to shove it up to get it to cooperate. When she looked back up at Chuck he was smirking at her, reminding her of his 16 year old lecherous self. A small shot of pride went through her.

"I'll go check on dinner." Chuck started to leave, a showing of trust that Blair almost couldn't believe. Parker cried out to him at the last minute.

"No Daddy, you have to help me teach Mommy the song." Parker locked eyes with Blair. "Daddy and I made up our own bath song, and we're not allowed to tell it to anyone else, but since you're the mommy we can. Right Daddy?" Parker looked back at Chuck hopefully.

Chuck smiled. His son's mind seemed to work a mile a minute, and already he was doing everything he could to create the family unit he thought they needed. That worried Chuck, but he also figured it was normal. Parker saw his friends parents, even the divorced ones, and saw people coparenting. It clearly didn't make sense to him that Blair lived so outside of their world, and he'd already set his mind to righting that. Sharing secrets was clearly step one.

"Alright," Chuck agreed with a small amount of embarassment. He could just imagine what the BE board would think if they knew he came up with nursery ryhmes to get his son to take a bath. "Why don't you start?"

Blair was still kneeling in front of the tub. Her dress was half soaked from Parker's splashing, her hair flat from the heated bathroom, and her face completely dumbfounded. Chuck made up songs? She turned to look back at him while Parker started in on the meddly, and he looked a little sheepish. This wasn't the boy she'd known way back. This wasn't even the husband she'd left behind. He had transformed into someone completely different, and that felt a bit overwhelming.

"Come on Mommy," Parker demanded, "sing along with us. Daddy!" Parker shot his father a sharp command, and reluctantly Chuck started mumbling along. Blair knew he'd have been more enthusiastic if she hadn't been there, but even the small amount of effort he was giving was amazing. Blair tried to catch on, but her mind was racing far too fast for her to really pay attention.

Parker finally finished the song and frowned at Blair. "You're not as good as Daddy. You have to practice." Parker patted her cheek consolingly, like he was concerned for her feelings, before the moment passed and he began dancing around again.

Blair looked back at Chuck. "I don't recognize you." The words slipped out of her mouth before she could stop them, and she waited for him to shut down on her. He surprised her by smiling.

"You know there will be certain death if you ever tell anyone about this." His tone was light and teasing. Parker's antics had clearly put him in a good mood, and Blair just found herself staring at him. Parker splashed behind her, and Chuck stood before her, and it felt like something close to perfect.

"I…" Blair searched for something to say. She felt like she needed to say something, anything to not let this moment pass. Before she'd felt resentful that she had to thank Chuck for time with her son, but right now she just felt grateful. He'd given her Parker tonight, but he'd also given her a glimpse into himself.

Chuck cut her off before she could complete her thought. "Alright Parker, time to get out and get dressed." He handed Blair a towel for Parker. "I'll go grab the clean clothes I brought, and you let your mother dry you off."

Parker nodded dutifully, and pulled the plug on the drain like this was all a routine. Blair supposed it probably was. This family portrait that she'd walked into wasn't a rarity. Chuck seemed to share a good relationship with Nate and Serena, and Parker was more than comfortable in their home. This was the family Chuck had given him when Blair couldn't be there, when Chuck hadn't let her be. It still stung, but there was also something comforting in knowing that Parker was so well loved. He had something so normal and right here, something Blair nor Chuck had ever been given. Parker wasn't raised by a nanny, he had real family.

Parker hopped out of the tub, and threw himself into Blair's arms where she had the towel opened out. She wrapped it around him tightly and he twisted around giggling like it was a game. Blair played along for a moment, trying to dry him as he flopped around in her lap. This was her dream, doing this every night, listening to his happiness, sharing in it. A month ago she couldn't have truly imagined this moment. It felt too far away, but now here she was.

Chuck reappeared with Parker's clothes, and Blair finished up drying him off. It was so domestic it scared Blair.

"I wanted the other one, Daddy." Parker whined, clearly unhappy with his clothing choices. Chuck just gave him a look, and he reluctantly reached for his clothes and handed them to Blair. Blair just stared at them for a moment, before Parker nudged her. "You have to help me. I'm a little kid."

Blair laughed. There was nothing little kid about him. He was too damn smart. "I'm sorry. You'll have to show me how."

Parker nodded. "I will."

Blair felt Chuck watching them as she learned the ways of her child. Parker was very particular about everything. She had to put his shirt on a certain way, and when that was complete he insisted on looking in the mirror and told her in detail how he liked his hair combed, just like his Daddy's of course. Once Blair was done, Parker turned to her with a winning smile and free fell into her arms. It shocked her for a moment, and she nearly fell but Chuck was suddenly right there beside her holding them both up.

"Be easy on your mother." Chuck reprimanded, but his voice was warm. The magic of the evening had clearly weaved its way over him as well. "Now come on, before Serena kills all three of us for being late."

Parker made an 'eek' face, and scrambled out of Blair's arms before running into the other room. The entire way he screamed, 'not my fault'. Blair started laughing again, and when she turned to Chuck behind her she found him laughing as well. It was the first time she felt like they were actually parents, together, a real unit. It thrilled her, and she couldn't stop herself from reaching out to Chuck. Her hand touched his for a brief moment, before he jerked back. His mask went back up, and he looked away.

"I'm sorry." She immediately recoiled. She feared this would be the moment he pulled the rug. She'd stepped out of line, broken the rules, and Chuck couldn't allow that. She knew the way he thought. Knew the fear inside of him, because it lived in her too. Chuck didn't like letting people close because eventually every single one hurt him. She used to promise him she'd be different, but in the end she knew he felt like she'd failed him too. And maybe she had. A wave of sadness rolled over her, and she turned to head into the other room.

Chuck stopped her, "Blair."

She hesitantly turned back around. "I shouldn't have… I just got carried away. Seeing him… He's so happy, Chuck." Blair just kept talking, unable to stop herself. "I always prayed that my child would have that, that happiness, you know?" Chuck nodded, but said nothing. "You gave him that… thank you." Blair wiped a single tear from her cheek.

He just stared at her for a minute, warring with himself. The cold reserve he always fell back on was failing him. Parker left him vulnerable. "You gave him that tonight, Blair."

Before Blair could respond, or even let that sink in, Chuck was walking past her into the other room to greet the others. Blair took a moment to pull herself together, before pasting on a neutral smile and heading out as well. Everyone was already seated. Parker was clambering onto Chuck's lap, and there was a chair left next to Nate. She sat down silently, and took everything in. Serena was complaining about someone at the foundation. Nate was asking Chuck about going to a basketball game, and Chuck was distracted by getting Parker to eat his food rather than play with it.

"What about you, Blair?" Nate brought everyone's attention to her. "Any plans while you're in town?" The table went completely silent, and Blair glared back at Nate. Now was not the time to remind Chuck that she was sitting on the BE board, but Nate didn't seem to notice. Chuck surely did though. When Blair glanced toward him he was rigid in his seat.

"Spending time with Parker." Blair answered honestly. "That's all I want." She emphasized, chancing a look at Chuck again. He was looking back at her, and she waited with baited breath. She could see Serena doing the same thing out of the corner of her eye. He might not make a scene in front of Parker, but he could definitely take Blair down with a few well placed words. He didn't though. Instead he just nodded slightly, and turned talk back toward basketball.

Blair sighed in relief, and spent the rest of dinner keeping below the radar. Parker eventually got bored with his food, and headed over to Nate's gameboy leaving the four of them at the table. Serena brought over dessert, and the table got silent.

"This isn't at all awkward." Nate commented.

"Nate." Serena shot him a warning look.

Nate didn't heed it though. "Look, I just think we should all be honest and get it over with. We've been friends too long to be so…" Nate sighed.

Blair couldn't hold her silence any longer. "We used to be friends Nate, until some of us decided others weren't worth it." Her tone was biting, and she didn't dare look at Chuck. This wasn't even about him really.

"Blair-" Serena immediately tried to step in.

"No, Serena," Nate stopped her. "I think we should do this. You're pissed at me Blair, because I kicked you out of my wedding, but what could you really expect when you showed up with Carter Baizen. You know how we all feel about him. He's a bottom feeder, and he took advantage of Serena when she was at a low place. I don't know how you could do that."

Blair scoffed. "Serena was a big girl, Nate. You're just pissed she slept with him, but that isn't my problem. I came to your wedding as a friend."

Nate shook his head. "You came to my wedding to piss Chuck off, and you got what you wanted. That was our day Blair, and it suddenly became all about your drama again. I'm sorry but I was done with it. We have spent years living through this, cleaning up the messes you left behind. Serena didn't sleep for months because she was helping Chuck with your son, but you never seemed to appreciate any of it. In fact, you look at her like she's done you some big betrayal. Well, you should know she's the one person who's always tried to help you. She never let up on your cause, even when I begged her to stop. So, sorry if I don't see you as a victim Blair, and if I don't feel the need to apologize for protecting my wife and family." Nate threw down his napkin and walked away from the table, leaving a stunned Blair behind.

She'd never heard Nate say so much in her life. He was always the calm, easy going one. He stopped fights. He didn't start them. His words sliced through Blair, and she knew that was because he was partly right. They'd been there when she'd checked out the first time. They'd been there after the accident when Chuck had no one else, when Parker had no one else. Blair started to feel ashamed that she'd never once thanked them, not even in her mind. She'd hated them for being there when she wasn't, and she'd done her best to punish them. Bringing Carter to their wedding had been a low point, but she'd never imagined it had hurt Nate that much. Carter was meant to hurt Chuck.

"I'm sorry. I need to check on him." Serena got up as well, and disappeared into the back.

Blair sat there silently. She couldn't even look at Chuck who she was sure was judging her all over again. She wanted to defend herself, wanted to explain it all, but the words wouldn't come. She'd tried once upon a time, tried until she could barely breathe and Chuck could no longer look at her. Even now she wasn't sure he'd ever really let himself understand. Maybe it was too painful.

"I guess I shouldn't have come tonight." Blair hated admitting it.

"Nate said what he needed to. It's over now."

Blair jerked around to look at him. He was being too calm. Too reasonable.

"He hates me. I can't say I'm that fond of him. I guess it is over." Blair began to rise from the table, but Chuck reached out holding her hand down and trapping her. "Chuck?" She looked at him questioningly.

"You can't walk back into our lives, and think it's all going to be fixed in a day. It doesn't work like that, Blair. You know that." He removed his hand, but Blair still didn't move.

"Can it ever be fixed?" It was a loaded question, and Blair watched the play of emotions across Chuck's face. She waited for the shutters to go up, for him to shut her down again, but he didn't. He just stared back at her, a blank expression on his face. She didn't know what that meant.

"Parker loves you. He needs you in his life. That changes everything… at least for me." It was the most heartening thing Chuck had said to her in a long time, and she ached to pull him into her arms, but she held herself back.

She nodded, and looked away for a moment. She wanted to lay herself bare then, go for broke, but she was scared. If he answered negatively it would crush her. It would feel so final, and that tiny piece of hope she'd been carrying around forever would die. Still, she had to know, now when he was being so honest with her.

"Can other things be fixed, Chuck?" She couldn't quite bring herself to ask him outright.

He looked down, and she worried he wouldn't answer. Maybe she'd pushed too far for that night. In her estimation a few miracles had already happened.

"You mean…" He seemed to have a hard time saying it as well. "Us?" It was barely a whisper, but it was out there then, and the air crackled around them.

Blair nodded.

He looked behind them at where Parker was happily playing on the gameboy, completely unaware that anything was going on. He laughed at the screen, and then groaned when something went wrong. Chuck just kept watching him, and Blair couldn't look away either. He was the very proof of their love.

Chuck finally turned back to her. "I don't know." Blair was ready to accept that, and let it drop but Chuck surprised her by continuing. "Parker has this image in his head of what a family should look like, and that includes you. He asks me if you can move back in. If you're better. If you're gonna leave again. And I don't know what to say to him, how to explain any of it. I tell him that I think you're better. That I don't think you'll leave. That I don't know about the rest, because I don't. After everything happened I promised myself I would never let you back into our lives. I would never give you the chance to hurt him again-"

Blair protested. "I was sick."

Chuck nodded. "I know you were sick, Blair. I know. I tried to deny it. I tried to ignore it, but I couldn't. You walked around like a zombie. You could barely look at him, and I told myself it would get better. I told myself I could help you, and everything we dreamed would come true. I did everything I could for you, and you still left us. You ran off to God knows where leaving me with a fucking note saying it was too hard. You partied in Europe while I dealt with our infant child, and I was scared. I woke up every morning terrified. That I'd screw him up. That you'd never come back. I lived like that for months. And then suddenly there you were again, on our doorstep promising me you were all better, that you'd gotten help and wanted to be a family. Everyone told me to be careful, but I believed you. I loved you so fucking much I couldn't help myself. I handed our child over to you, because you said you could handle it-"

Silent tears were streaming down Blair's cheeks, and she reached out to cover his mouth. "Please, stop." She begged.

He removed her hand, and shook his head. "And then I came home to find my son screaming as his mother bled out on the ground in front of him. I have never been so scared in my life, Blair. And even then, even then I wanted to believe it was all some mistake, but I couldn't. You lied to me. You risked him. You tried to kill yourself."

Blair felt like she was right back there laying on her bedroom floor, blood oozing out of her wrists while Parker screamed in his crib. Her mind had been so mangled then. Nothing had made sense, and she was sure that was the only way out. She vaguely remembered Chuck arriving, screaming for help, the ambulence, the hospital. Everyone was there, and she couldn't stand any of them. Chuck kept coming in, begging her to talk to him, but she couldn't do it. She'd pushed and pushed him, and then one day he'd stopped coming.

"You gave up on me." Blair couldn't tide the bitterness in her voice. "You washed your hands of me, and stole our child."

"Yeah, I did what I had to do. You wouldn't get help, Blair. You wouldn't listen to anyone. How could I let you back into his life?" Chuck was as raw as she'd ever seen him, and yet she could feel no softness. All she could feel was the anger she'd been saving up for years, finally exploding within her.

"You deserted me. I was sick, and you took my son and sent me off to Europe like I was nothing. You told me not to come back. You were supposed to love me. The Great Chuck Bass. You failed." Blair jerked out of her chair, and was standing over Chuck then. She wanted to hit him. She wanted to spit and scream and finally relieve herself of the pain she'd held in for so long, too long.

"Me? I failed? I did every fucking thing I could for you. I offered to help you any way I could. Send you to any doctor, have any doctor come to you. You said it was an accident. You were fine. You wanted to come back into our home like nothing had happened. So yeah, I sent you off with your mother, and I promised myself I would never let you do that to me or Parker again, because you sure as hell didn't care about us. If you had you would have gotten help. You would have stayed. You left. It was always your choice." Chuck kicked back his chair, his voice raising by the minute.

Neither he nor Blair noticed Parker approaching them until Parker began pulling on Chuck's jacket. "Don't yell, Daddy. Everything's okay. Mommy's sorry." Parker turned to Blair with pleading eyes. "Say you're sorry, and everything will be okay." The desperation and fear in his voice undid both Chuck and Blair.

"Parker…" Chuck looked sick to his stomach. He reached down, and pulled his son into his arms, holding him tightly. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have yelled. Everything is okay." Chuck kept repeating that as Parker broke into hiccuping sobs that tore Blair apart.

"I'm sorry." She found herself whispering, unsure of who she meant it for. The son she'd left behind, or the husband she'd broken. She'd never been willing to see anything from Chuck's side. All she'd ever hung onto was the fact that she'd gotten better and he still refused to let her in. She still resented that, but now she understood. Chuck was afraid. She made him feel weak and vulnerable, unloved and not enough. Emotions he'd lived with all his life, and sought refuge from in her and their family. In his eyes, in his heart, she'd committed the ultimate betrayal.

Chuck met her gaze, something wordless and intense hanging between them. Nothing was fixed. In fact, Blair felt like maybe things were worse. They'd bottled so much up for so long, she'd forgotten what was hidden down there. She'd blocked those memories and hard truths, and it seemed like Chuck had as well. Now, here it all was, once again an immovable block between them. Chuck gave up on her, and she walked away from him. Maybe there was no way to fix that breach.

"Blair." Chuck called her attention back, and when she looked up she found him right in front of her. He was holding Parker out toward her, reverantly placing their child in her arms and she began crying without meaning to. He wiped her tears away quickly. "He needs to know everything is alright. He's scared."

Blair snuggled Parker close, and leaned her forehead against his. "No matter what happens Parker, I'm here. Everything is okay. I love you." Blair wasn't sure where she found the words, or how she knew that was what he needed, but the cloud lifted from his face and a small smile peaked out.

"Love you too." He whispered, and then twisted around to his father. "Can Mommy come home now?"

The question was left hanging between them when Nate and Serena reentered. They glanced between the three of them, clearing realizing something was going on.

"Did we miss something?" Serena asked trying to sound cheery for Parker.

Parker nodded. "Mommy's coming home with me and Daddy. Everything is okay now."

Serena's eyes bugged out, and her mouth hung open. Neither Chuck nor Blair would look at her. "Coming home with you?" Serena sent imploring looks toward both Parker's parents, but they remained silent. "Parker, maybe-"

"Mommy's belong at home." Parker was adament. He lifted his chin stubbornly, and speared his father with his gaze until Chuck finally looked at him. In some ways they were mirror images of one another, and every person in the room watched their silent communication. It was a war of the wills. Parker wouldn't look away from his father, and Chuck could never look away from him. Another minute passed, and the tension grew. Blair knew Parker would throw a fit when Chuck finally told him no, but she hoped her son wouldn't be too disappointed.

Finally, Chuck broke eye contact and hung his head. He sighed, and when he looked back up Blair saw a new defeat in his eyes. "Okay." His voice was so soft all ears stained to hear him. "Alright," he repeated a little more firmly. Then he met his son's eyes again, stil silently imploring, and Chuck conceded. "Blair can come home."

Serena gasped. Nate nearly choked. Parker clapped happily… and Blair… she just stood there. At first she was sure she'd heard Chuck wrong. Then she moved onto convincing herself that Chuck was just appeasing Parker so he wouldn't throw a fit. She landed there for a long moment, until Nate blew that all to hell.

"Chuck?" Nate was the first to speak. "You're sure?" Nate didn't sound disapproving, but he didn't exactly sound excited about the prospect either. For once, Blair couldn't blame him. This was all happening so fast.

"He's sure." Parker chimed in before his father could. He gave his uncle Nate a look, and Nate smiled back at him. "Mommy?" Parker called to her.

Blair finally forced herself to look across at her hopeful child, and her smile was instinctive. He was radiant with success, clearly proud he'd pulled all this together. His mind kind of scared Blair. It was like she and Chuck, but better. Parker didn't seem to have a mean, cold bone in his body, but he had the manipulating skills of a pro. Blair figured genetics sorted some things out all on their own.

Serena jumped in when she realized Blair couldn't.

"Hey Parks, why don't you let me and your Mommy and Daddy talk while Uncle Nate gets you some ice cream from Sheltie's. Your favorite." Serena smiled brightly, but Parker watched her warily. "I promise everything's gonna be fine little man. Just boring grown up talk."

Parker turned to Chuck, grabbing his face, and forcing his father to meet his eyes. "You promised, Daddy." Parker waited and waited, and Chuck couldn't seem to find his voice. "Daddy?" Parker's voice got smaller, tinged with fear.

That brought Chuck to, and he nodded. "Promise," he whispered. Chuck kissed Parker's forehead, staring into his sons eyes for a awed moment. Blair saw fear and pride, and so much love it caused her own heart to ache. Chuck finally released Parker, and nodded toward Nate. "Don't let him get too much sugar. Bedtime soon."

Parker groaned, but didn't protest. He was wise enough to realize he'd just one the biggest battle of the night, and didn't need to push his father further.

Once Nate and Parker were gone Serena turned to Chuck and Blair.

"Have you lost your minds?"


	10. INSANITY

AN: A million thank yous for the awesome feedback. I'm working on the next chapter now, but I wanted to go ahead and put this one out there. Hope you're all enjoying the progression!

**Chapter 10.**

**INSANITY**

"_One ought to hold onto one's heart; for if one_

_lets it go, one soon loses control of the head too."_

_- Nietzsche_

Serena looked between Chuck and Blair waiting on an answer. She loved them both dearly, and she supported their efforts in being a family with Parker, but the idea of Blair moving back in seemed ludicrous. Two weeks ago, Chuck could barely say her name, and now he was ready to move her back in, see her every day, and share his son with her. Serena didn't believe it, and she very much feared they were setting themselves up for a fall. Chuck and Blair had always been this way, so impulsive. They'd gotten married a month after Blair announced she was pregnant even though both their families had reservations. Serena herself had even been concerned, but they'd jumped in headfirst.

"Did you hear me?" She pressed.

"You're screeching, Serena. How could we not hear you?" Blair's voice was tight, and she was holding herself so rigid Serena thought she might crack and break into a million pieces. At least she wasn't jumping on this. That meant there was still hope.

"You cannot move back into the penthouse. Parker is a kid. You don't have to say yes to his every whim, especially crazy ones like this. You two will fight and he'll see it, or worse you'll kill one another." Serena was desperate to get through.

Chuck had remained silent until that, but he finally seemed to come out of his reverie. "It's done. I promised, Parker. We've managed to be civil, and we'll continue to do so. End of discussion." Chuck had this resolute expression that scared the hell out of Serena. When he got like this she'd never been able to talk him back down, and she'd never once seen him break a promise to Parker.

"Wait…" Blair looked panicky, and Serena zeroed in on her. "You can't just…" Blair was shaking her head. "I can't just move back in… Serena is right. That's…" She couldn't seem to manage to finish a sentence, and Serena felt for her. Blair was stronger than ever, but she was still fragile and this kind of change had to be overwhelming.

Chuck's face transformed into a sneer, and Serena was scared of what was coming. Blair noticed as well, and took a cautious step back. Something she'd said had set him off, and both women knew that was not a good thing.

"Are you worried about Carter? Once again putting him ahead of our son?" Chuck's anger was barely leashed, and Serena reached out to still him. Once he blew there was nothing she could do, but he wasn't over the edge yet. Carter seemed to be a hot button for him though, just as he was for Nate. Serena sincerely regretted ever bringing that man into their lives.

"No, Chuck." Blair was spinning. It was as if the world was happening around her, but not too her. From the second Chuck had said she could move in with them she'd been dizzy with fear. The idea of going home, of being a family. It was unreal. A pipe dream she never imagined she'd have, and now here it was. Not perfectly wrapped or exactly what she wanted, but so damn close she was scared if she touched it it would disappear. A mirage to drive her insane again.

Serena stepped in. "Chuck think about this. Parker is excited right now, but he doesn't understand the reality of this situation. You do. You're not ready for this." Chuck said nothing, and Serena kept grasping. "What about Georgina?"

Serena regretted it the second it came out of her mouth, because suddenly Blair straightened up, her face cleared and something else came out in her. Serena recognized that look. It was war. Blair hated Georgina. Hated that she was with Chuck. Hated that she had a ring on her finger, and detested that she ever got to be near Parker. Serena was waving a red flag in front of her, and she realized it too late.

"Georgina is not Parker's mother. I'm his mother." Blair snapped, before Chuck could respond. "Chuck is right. We can do this, and we promised Parker. I'm moving home, and if you don't like it Serena then don't visit." Blair was venomous.

"You know I'm behind you being with Parker, but this is just-"

Chuck cut her off again. "It's done, Serena." Serena opened her mouth to protest again, but something in Chuck's eyes stopped her. He wasn't going to budge on this. Even if Blair had said no he would have found a way.

He wanted this.

The revelation stunned Serena into silence.

"Blair," Chuck turned toward her all business. "Of course, there will be ground rules. No Carter ever in my house, around my son." He waited for Blair to respond, and she simply nodded. "I don't trust you alone with him for now, so until… further notice, when you're with Parker either myself, Mrs. Bainbridge or other trusted family members will need to be around-"

"Chuck," Blair protested, "he's my son too."

"This is the deal, Blair. If you don't like it get a lawyer, and take me to court, but we both know you're not the ideal parent." Blair bit her tongue to stop from responding, and Chuck softened a little. "I'm not saying forever, but… I need to trust you."

"Fine," Blair agreed. "What else?"

"Don't disappoint him." This was the final decree, the most important, and Serena watched as the final pieces fell into place. "Alright. I'll arrange for you to move in tomorrow while Parker is on a play date, and we can have a dinner tomorrow night. Parker will enjoy that. You'll also have to meet Mrs. Bainbridge, and she can go over his schedule with you."

"Alright." Blair was sinking back into unreality. Tomorrow she'd be home living with her son and her ex-husband. "And what about Georgina?" Blair said her name through clenched teeth.

Chuck shrugged. "What about her?"

"You're engaged." Blair reminded him, and it pained her to do so. She hated that viperous bitch.

"Georgina doesn't live with me, and she doesn't run my life. Don't concern yourself with her." Chuck said this with such ease and confidence that Blair had to smile. Whatever Georgina was to him, he didn't love her and he surely wasn't worried about her reaction. That brought some satisfaction.

"You're both crazy." Serena mumbled under her breath, but neither was listening to her anymore.

Blair went home after saying goodbye to Parker, and prayed Carter would be sleeping. She lucked out when she came in and found he wasn't even there at all. That gave her a chance to start packing without explaining to him what was going on. He would rage at her. She knew that, and she was fairly sure she deserved it. She'd dragged him down this path with her, promised they'd wreck Chuck and win big money at BE, and now she was moving in with the so-called enemy. Blair couldn't let her affection for Carter cloud her though. Parker was first and foremost, and this was best for him. It was best for Blair too.

Carter came in the next morning looking disheveled but handsome, and stopped short when he spotted the bags.

"Are we switching hotels?" He looked confused.

Blair took a moment to steel herself for this. Finally she decided there was no time like the present, and approached him slowly. "Actually, I'm moving out alone."

"What?" Carter looked at her like she was crazy.

"Carter… I don't want you to think that this is something that…" She stopped. There was just no easy way to say this. "I'm moving in with Parker. It was decided last night."

Carter looked poleaxed. He stumbled back, knocking one of her bags down until he reached a chair, and slid onto it. He stared up at Blair, before brushing his hands over his face a few times, and then finally looking up again.

"You're crazy." It was barely a whisper.

"I want my son." Blair was prepared to be brutally honest, but she didn't want to do that right now. Right now she wanted to get over to the penthouse and move in before Parker got back. Then she wanted some time with him to really settle in before Chuck got home. If Carter made this into some big drama she'd miss out.

Carter shook his head. "Liar."

"Carter-" Blair tried to sound stern, but he wouldn't let her get away with it this time.

He shook his head. "No, Blair. No bullshit right now. You don't just want your son. You want your family. You want Nate and Serena. The Basses. You want to be Queen once again. I just can't believe it took me this long to see it. Coming back here was never about revenge."

Blair started to tell him he was wrong, but when she looked into his defeated eyes all the fight went out of her. She couldn't lie to him or herself any longer. "I thought I came back for revenge. I really did." Her voice broke, and she looked away before he could see her crying. He'd been her support for so long, and it hurt to lose him.

"Admit it," he demanded. "I need to hear you say it."

"I want it all back, Carter. I want my baby and my friends and family, and …" Blair hesitated.

"And…" He snapped, spearing her with his eyes, forcing her to say the one thing she wasn't ready to admit.

"And I want my husband." There she'd finally said it. She wanted Chuck back. She wanted her marriage, her penthouse, and her title. She was Mrs. Bass. She was the mother of his child, and hopefully future children, and anyone who tried to deny her those things better get out of the way. She'd come back here to fight, she'd just been wrong about what she was fighting for. She didn't want to destroy him. She wanted to be with him.

"Ex-husband. He has a fiancé now, remember?" Carter was trying to hurt her, and she knew that, but she took the bait anyway.

"I'm his wife. I always will be, and Georgina or anybody else can't take that. I never meant to hurt you Carter, and you've been pretty good to me, but-"

Carter rolled his eyes. "Spare me the swan song. This will crash and burn, Blair. You and Chuck always do. Maybe you'll get him back. Maybe he'll even marry you again, but eventually it'll all go to hell. That's in your nature and in his. You can't help yourselves."

Blair shook her head. "I'm better now."

Carter jumped up from the chair, and stormed toward her. She tried to step back, but he yanked her arms forward, and roughly shoved up the bracelets she wore. There on her pale white skin were jagged little scars, a reminder of what she'd done to herself. Carter rubbed them for a second, before looking up at her.

"He'll always see these. You can't escape them. You're damaged, Blair."

Blair jerked her arms away from Carter, and pushed her bracelets back down to hide the scars. She hated those reminders, and she hated Carter in that moment for doing this to her.

"Don't push me, Carter, or I'll make sure Chuck knows all about your plans. And we both know he's more powerful than you." Blair dug in the knife, striking at Carter where she knew he was most vulnerable.

Carter sneered. "I go down, you go down. You think he'll be happy about your sabotage plans, working with Jack, sneaking around. Whatever good will you've curried acting like mother earth will evaporate." Carter snapped his fingers. "Poof. Gone."

Blair smacked his hand out of her face, and advanced on him. She began shoving him in the chest until he was the one cornered against the wall.

"Don't you even think about breathing a word of that to anyone. I've been good to you Carter, and I've cared for you, but if you screw me over then Chuck will look like child's play. I'll come after you." Blair threatened, and she meant it.

"Fine, sweetheart. My lips are closed, but what about Jack Bass?"

Blair swallowed and looked away. She knew he would be a problem, but she couldn't let Carter see her sweat now. "I'll handle him, and you'll get your money from the deal. Don't worry."

Carter nodded. "Better think of a way out quick, Waldorf. Or that dream family you're building up in your head won't last for long." Carter headed toward the door then, but turned back at the last second. "You could have been so much more."

Blair stared back at him. "I already am, Carter."

He walked out then, and once Blair was sure he was gone she sank back onto the bed. That had been more awful than she'd thought, and Carter had raised a good point. Jack was going to be a major problem. She considered fessing up to Chuck, but they were on such shaky ground. She decided she would have to find a way to get Carter his money, get Jack put down, and then somehow sort out the stock. She knew trust wouldn't come easy for Chuck, but if she could extricate herself from BE maybe it would begin.

Chuck stared out his office window, and watched the storm clouds gathering. It was going to rain again, which somehow seemed fitting to Chuck. He wasn't sure if he'd made the biggest mistake of his life last night, or if he'd taken the first steps toward giving Parker the life he deserved. He could have said no. Even if Serena thought he was incapable, he knew he wasn't. He set out rules and limits for Parker, but he never bothered with the unnecessary. He was rich, so when Parker wanted a new toy he got it. Chuck left it to Mrs. Bainbridge to teach him to appreciate it, and as far as he could tell Parker was no more entitled than any other kid his age. He could have said no to Blair coming home, maybe Parker even expected that outcome, but something had stopped Chuck.

Seeing Blair with Parker, watching that grow, it made something twitch inside him. It wasn't an entirely pleasant feeling, but it wasn't awful either. Chuck had grown up without a mother until Lily came along, and he still remembered how nice it had felt when she'd come into his life. She'd laid down more rules at times, utterly pissed him off at others, but she'd cared. When he needed someone to talk to without judgment Lily was there. And in truth, there were some things you just needed a mother for. Chuck realized that around age thirteen, and forced himself to forget when he finally banished Blair from his life. He couldn't ignore it now though. Parker needed Blair. He needed her smiles, and her warmth, and that special awed look she always got when she looked at him. Chuck didn't have to like it, but he did have to embrace it.

There was a knock on his office door which surprised him since Madison always announced his guests. He was about to page his secretary when Lily walked in. He forced a pleasant look onto his face, and stood up to greet her. They cheek kissed, something Lily always insisted on, and then she surprised him by reaching out and hugging him. Chuck had allowed very few hugs in his life, and this one felt as awkward as all the others, but he allowed it for a protracted minute before finally pulling away, and reseating himself. Lily took the seat in front of him.

The strain in their relationship was clear.

"I'm sure you're wondering what I'm doing here." Lily began in her starched, authoritarian voice which told Chuck she was prepared for battle.

"Yes, actually," he returned, "since you've sold off all your BE stock." He wanted her to know he wasn't going to forget or forgive that anytime soon.

She smiled wearily. "Perhaps not my best idea, but I did act with your best interests at heart." She speared him with a look, daring him to contradict her, and when he didn't she continued. "Serena tells me you're having Blair move in with you… is that your best idea?"

Chuck laughed. He couldn't help himself. Leave it to Lily to get right down to the point.

"Remains to be seen. Parker is thrilled." Chuck stood up, and walked over to poor himself a drink. It was barely mid-afternoon, but if he was having this conversation he needed Scotch.

"I'm sure. He thinks all his dreams are coming true. Mommy and Daddy in the same house. Happily ever after… You and I both know this is not a fairytale, Charles." Chuck poured her a drink, and handed it to her. She took a quick sniff before putting it down. "I think you should reconsider."

Chuck immediately shook his head. "I promised him. I don't break my promises."

Lily stood up, and walked over to stand in front of Chuck. She waited until he met her eyes to continue. "I think this one time it would be in his best interests as well as your own. I'm all for Blair easing back into Parker's life, but I'm not sure she has any place in yours."

"You break on promise, and then you break another. Pretty soon I'll just be another person in his life who's failed him. And I'd be the worse, because I know what it feels like. I know what it means to need someone to count on, and to not have that. Parker will always have that with me. When I promise him something I come through." Chuck's voice stayed even, but Lily didn't miss the passion in his eyes.

She smiled at him, unable to help the pride pouring through her. "You're the father we all wish we'd had, Charles. And I am so thankful for that, but… Can you really sustain a happy home life with Blair living there?" Lily wasn't trying to be cruel, but she also wasn't backing down.

Chuck didn't answer at first. He knew Lily was coming from a good place, but he still didn't want to delve into his reasoning for any of this. In truth, he wasn't sure. Blair could fall down again. Hell, part of Chuck was even counting on that, but even then he couldn't just turn her away. He couldn't deny Parker the chance at something more than Chuck himself ever had.

"I spent my whole life wishing that Bart would love me-"

Lily interrupted him. "He did. He really did." Her eyes implored Chuck to believe her.

Chuck nodded. "Maybe. But he never put me first. He never thought about what I needed, not once. It was always about BE or you or some other important thing that ranked high above me. I was his son, but I wasn't his priority. Until you, Serena and Eric came along I didn't even know what a family should be, and even then it wasn't perfect. Bart wouldn't let it be. I had a mother, a brother, a sister, but I never had a real father. Parker has a chance at that. I wish that I was enough, but I'm not. I see it every time he's around Blair. Maybe it's not a fairytale, but I have to try to make it a family." Chuck walked away from Lily then, and headed over to stare out the window again. He couldn't bare the pity he was sure he would find in Lily's eyes.

She followed him, and put a soft hand on his back as she stood behind him. Silence reigned between them for a few minutes, something easy and familiar. Lily always seemed to know when to push and when to retreat with him.

"Alright," she finally agreed. "I can see your mind is set, and I guess I even understand why. Just promise me that in doing all of this for Parker you won't forget yourself."

Chuck laughed. "When have I ever done that?"

Lily smiled at him fondly, and brushed her hand across his cheek. "I don't think you want me to answer that." She walked away, before Chuck could protest and began to gather her things. "Well, I can tell Serena I did my best, and walk away knowing you have it all under control." 

"I'm glad." Chuck slid back behind his desk, and had already started rifling through some papers when Lily spoke again.

"Just one thing." Chuck looked up then, waiting for her to continue. "What are you going to do about Georgina? Doesn't seem like she fits into the Normal Rockwell family portrait."

Lily left before Chuck had the chance to answer, and he felt that was for the best. He still hadn't decided what to do about Georgina. The wedding was months off, so if he did change his mind he had time. It was time he'd spend watching Blair, and seeing how stable and ready she actually was. If all went well then Georgina's future place in his life might have to change, but he didn't feel the need to think about that right then.

He glanced down at his watch, and decided he would leave the office early. Parker would be arriving home from his play date soon, and Blair should have already begun moving in. He'd asked Nate to help her out so he could avoid it himself, but now he was eager to see his son. He told Madison to hold his calls for the rest of the day, and headed out into the building thunderstorm. With any luck he'd make it home before the sky fell down.

Blair walked into the guest room she'd decorated, and couldn't believe it looked exactly the same. In fact, the entire penthouse looked the same. Chuck hadn't changed a single thing, and that both thrilled and terrified her. This place held so many good memories for her, but it also held the bad ones. She passed by the main bedroom, the one she'd once shared with Chuck, the one she'd nearly ended her life in and shivered. She held a natural aversion for that area, and quickened her pace to get down the hall and into Parker's room. Parker's room had changed. It was fit for a five year old, and not a small baby. She felt a sense of loss, but quickly pushed it away. If she focused on the past, she would never find her way into the future.

"Blair?" She heard Nate calling for her from downstairs and frowned. Chuck had mentioned in his email that Nate would be helping her out, but when the penthouse had been empty save the security man positioned outside, she'd assumed she was home free.

She walked down the stairs slowly, and greeted Nate with a tight smile. "You really didn't need to come babysit me." She regretted the words and her tone the second she said it. Nate tensed up, and what could have been a pretense of cordiality turned into something else.

"Chuck insisted." Nate didn't say it cruelly, but Blair still felt the blow. No trust. "Did you get everything in okay? You found the room?"

Blair wanted to roll her eyes, but she stopped herself. "Since this used to be my home I found my way around just fine. Your concern is truly touching."

Nate shook his head, disappoint echoing across his face. "You really think this is going to work if you keep your claws out like that? Chuck won't react well. Parker won't either. He's used to a happy home. No yelling or fighting. Chuck's made sure of it." There was clear censure in his tone.

"And you think I'll ruin all that?" Blair challenged him.

Nate looked at her earnestly. "I really hope not. I don't think you'll mean to, but then you never do. Despite what you think, Blair, I never blamed you for before. Serena and I weren't choosing sides-"

Blair scoffed. "Please, don't rewrite history."

Nate had to grit his teeth, before continuing. "Take your own advice. Whatever the circumstances, Chuck was left alone with an infant child. He was wrecked, and we did everything we could to help him, to help Parker. In case you missed it, we love your son. He's one of the best things in our life, and we'd do anything for him."

Blair's anger came alive inside of her, and she started a fight she really didn't want. It was too late though. Nate wouldn't back down, and she couldn't.

"You think I don't love Parker? He's all I think about. He's all I've thought about for years while you and Serena helped Chuck keep him from me." Blair started to storm up the stairs, sure this had to end now before she said something unforgivable and Nate ran to Chuck.

"Stop running away, Blair." Nate followed her to the bottom of the steps, and waited for her to face him. "I know you love Parker. He's easy to love, but loving a child isn't enough. You have to stick around through the hard stuff. And to be honest I'm not sure you will."

Blair felt tears welling behind her eyes, but she blinked them back. "And I'm sure you're taking every chance you get to whisper that in Chuck's ear."

Nate sighed. "It wouldn't do any good. It never has where you're concerned. Chuck makes his own decisions, and he wants you here. I don't know if that's good or bad. I'm praying it's good. Parker needs you, and Chuck…" Nate smiled sadly.

Blair softened, and stepped a little bit closer to Nate. She needed to hear this. "And Chuck what?"

"Never mind. I shouldn't have started this. I apologize." Nate started to walk away, and Blair almost let him, but her curiosity, her need, wouldn't let her.

"Nate!" Nate stopped, but didn't face her. "Chuck what?"

Nate slowly turned around. He looked regretful, but he'd always been the honest one, and Blair knew he wouldn't stop now.

"Chuck loved you, and maybe he could even love you again. I just hope you're ready to stay this time."

Before Blair could respond the door opened behind them, and Chuck walked in. He looked between them curiously, picking up on the tension. He looked to Nate first, but when his friend looked away he focused on Blair. Blair couldn't look away. She knew she should for self-preservation, but Nate's words just kept ringing in her head. _He could love you again_.

"Did I interrupt?" Chuck finally broke the silence.

Nate put on a jovial smile, and shook his head. "Not at all. Blair's all moved in, and Mrs. Bainbridge called and said they'll be a little late returning home because of the storm. I should head back to work." Nate patted Chuck on the back, before throwing up a hand in goodbye and exiting.

"You're home early." Blair cringed at stating the obvious. She also worried he'd think she was questioning him coming into his own home, and that was even worse. Everything was so tentative.

"I thought it would be good for Parker, and maybe easier if we just… get this all over with."

Chuck discarded his jacket on the couch, and dropped his phone on his desk nearby. Blair watched him go through his ritual and almost smiled. He was changed, but still the same.

"Carter and I broke up." Blair wasn't sure where that had come from, but she knew she needed to tell him. She just hoped the mention of Carter wouldn't spark his anger like it usually did.

"Did you?" Chuck tried to act indifferent, but Blair could feel the tension. "Why? His presence finally became to unpalatable for you to take."

Blair shook her head, a rueful expression on her face. "He finally realized there was no future with me. I know you hate him, but…" Blair stopped herself. She wanted to say Carter had cared for her, she wanted to explain it all. It seemed like a slippery slope though, and she knew Chuck wouldn't take kindly to any of that.

"But…" Chuck pushed, unable to help himself.

"He was good to me, and I used him. I never loved him, Chuck. I just… I was alone, and scared and… I felt empty without Parker, without you-"

Chuck raised a hand to silence her, the expression on his face pained but hard. "Don't. I can't say I'm sorry you're rid of him, but I never asked to know the details of your relationship. As far as I'm concerned Carter is out of our lives, and we can never discuss him again."

Blair nodded. "There's the BE stock…" She knew mentioning it was a risk, but leaving it the unspoken elephant in the room seemed dangerous as well. "He was my partner in that."

"I checked, the stocks are all in your name. He has no legal claim to them." Chuck was getting agitated. He took his cufflinks off, and nearly threw them across the room, before he rolled up his sleeves.

"I still owe him money, and I intend to pay him. He won't leave the City until I do." Blair wanted to be as honest as she could with Chuck without mentioning her side deal with Jack. She still wasn't sure how she was going to extricate herself from that.

"Tell him to name a price, and I'll pay him. I want him gone, Blair. I never want to hear his name again." Chuck started to walk away at that, clearly done with the subject, and done with Blair.

She should have let him go, but her pride was prickling. He was already trying to manage her, put her in a box and keep her there. If she let him do that now, he'd think he always could, and then the future she wanted would never happen.

"I'm here for Parker, Chuck. You don't get to run my life. I didn't break up with Carter to make you happy. I did it because it was the right thing, because it needed to happen. And I don't need you paying off my debt. I can handle that myself. I'm not selling my BE stock either." She wanted to be clear. He could make of that what he would.

"So, you intend to live in my home with my son, and make my life hell at work? How do you think that's going to work? You really think that is what is best for Parker?" Chuck shook his head, pure disgust on his face. "Lily was right. This isn't going to work."

Blair began to panic, and rushed toward him before he could disappear into the back office. She reached for his arm, and held him in place. He turned toward her, an impatient scowl on his face. She'd seen him like this before, and she knew it was nearly impossible to reach him, but she had to try. She'd made a misstep, and if she didn't correct it fast he'd have her shipped to the Palace before dinner.

"I don't intend to make your life hell at all Chuck. Maybe I came into the BE stock for the wrong reasons, but I'm done with that. I put everything I had into acquiring those stocks, and … and I'd like to see that through, but fairly. I'm not out to get you. I thought I was… I thought I wanted to hurt you the way I've been hurt, but that's changed. I couldn't do that to Parker… or you." Blair pleaded with him to believe her.

Chuck paused a moment, his eyes bearing into her own. She wasn't sure what she saw in him. Confusion, conflict, this never-ending hurt she wasn't sure she could ever fix. She felt all the same things, and she knew it would be easier for him to just walk away.

He finally nodded, quick and short. "Alright. I still intend to pay Carter off though. I don't trust him."

Blair didn't like it, but she understood it. "Or me around him."

Chuck shrugged. "No, I don't. I can't worry that he's going to be lurking around every corner while you're out with Parker. I want to trust you Blair, and this will make it easier."

Blair knew she had to accept that. "Deal."

She put her hand out to Chuck, and he was just reaching for it when the door flew open and Parker came running in. He spotted them immediately, and barreled right into Chuck's legs. He was talking a mile a minute about his friend Dustin, and all the cool toys he had, and how Mrs. Bainbridge wouldn't let them play outside because of the lightning. Then he looked to Blair, and asked if she would let him play outside. She shook her head, and he continued on with his story without missing a beat.

"Sounds like you had a productive day." Chuck responded when Parker finally had to take a breath. "Hello, Mrs. Bainbridge. You can take the rest of the day off. Parker's mother and I will be home with him."

Blair's heart spiked at the mention of being Parker's mother. Coming from Chuck's mouth it meant everything.

"Oh, yes, Mrs. Bass." Mrs. Bainbridge went right up to Blair. "The little Bass has told me so much about you. It's a pleasure to make your acquaintance." She pulled Blair's hand into her own, and warmly shook it in greeting.

Blair smiled back. "Oh, I'm not Mrs.-"

Before Blair could finish protesting the use of Chuck's last name, Parker jumped in. "Come on Mommy, I want to show you my room and all my toys." He started dragging Blair off before she could protest.

"Nice to meet you." Blair called back after her.

Mrs. Bainbridge turned to Chuck then. "He's a very happy little fellow today."

Chuck nodded. "Seems to be. As I said in the email, for now I want you to be around when Blair is with Parker, and of course report back to me any strange people she brings around my son."

Mrs. Bainbridge nodded. "Of course, Mr. Bass."

Mrs. Bainbridge exited, and Chuck was left alone in his living room. Everything looked the same as it had this morning, but Blair was upstairs now. She was living just down the hall from him, playing Mommy to their child. It was overwhelming, but what scared him the most was that it somehow felt welcome. Like this place had been waiting for her. He just couldn't make the mistake of doing the same.

He walked upstairs, and silently watched Blair and Parker from his son's doorway. Parker had spread out nearly everything he owned, and was making Blair inspect each toy one by one. Blair was giving all the appropriate responses, and Parker's face was lit up like a Christmas tree.

Chuck stilled when Parker grew serious, and climbed into Blair's lap.

"Are you going to stay with us forever now?" Parker was doing his best to imitate Chuck's business face, but there was too much emotion in his brown eyes to hide. He was hanging on every word Blair said, every movement she made. He was living for her right then, and Chuck wanted to intercede, but held himself back. He needed this answer as much as Parker did.

"Forever." Blair promised solemnly, and wrapped Parker in a tight hug.

Parker snuggled into his mother's shoulder grinned before catching sight of Chuck. His smile grew even brighter when he spotted his father, and Chuck smiled back at him. It wasn't a fairytale, but it was definitely a family.


	11. SURVIVAL

AN: And another one down! Thank you times a million. Someone asked how long I planned this to be, and I don't expect it to be a super long epic. Chuck and Blair are already moving toward the ultimate end goal, though of course there will be some pretty big bumps along the way. If I had to guess I would say no more than 25 chapters, but I can't be positive.

**Chapter 11.**

**SURVIVAL**

"_All living things contain a measure of madness that moves them in strange,_

_sometimes inexplicable ways. This madness can be saving; it is part and parcel _

_of the ability to adapt. Without it, no species would survive."_

_- Yann Martel_

Chuck awoke from a mostly peaceful sleep to be bombarded by an irritating clanging sound he couldn't quite place. It took him a minute to clear his mind, before he shot out of bed and rushed downstairs to make sure Parker was all right. He'd given Mrs. Bainbridge off until later that morning which meant his son was probably taking full advantage. Parker was obsessed with breakfast in bed, and thought he was just as capable as an Iron Chef was. Chuck didn't mind the mess, but he feared Parker might become extra adventurous and try out the stove. Last time Chuck had caught him he'd been pushing a chair toward the over so he could reach the power knobs. It had led to one of the worst arguments Chuck had ever had with his son, and in the end, Parker had run away crying while Chuck had felt like shit, but safety was one compromise he wouldn't make.

"Parker!" Chuck yelled as he nearly skidded into the kitchen on bare feet. He usually found walking around without slippers or shoes quite crass, but this posed a special occasion. "Parker, I told you-"

Chuck stopped short when he got his first full view of the kitchen. Parker was indeed wearing his favorite chef's hat, but he wasn't alone. Blair, looking a bit bedraggled from the early hour, was standing beside Parker and trying to help him whisk what looked like eggs. Chuck wasn't sure which was more comical, his small son cooking breakfast or Blair standing there pretending she knew how to help. Chuck was pretty damn sure Blair was one of the least culinary people he knew, maybe only slightly above him in skill.

"Hi Daddy." Parker waved to him while holding the whisk in his hand. Egg batter splattered all over the countertop, some even landing on Blair's face. Chuck expected her to freak out, but she merely winced and brushed it away. She wasn't the girl he remembered from before.

Blair smiled ruefully at Chuck. "He woke me up thirty minutes ago, and insisted we make you a thank you breakfast in bed. He assured me you would love it… I've been conned haven't I?" Blair looked down at a delighted Parker, and her smile turned full.

Chuck laughed then. He couldn't help himself. Blair had only fallen prey to the best little con Chuck had ever known. Parker was all about sweet smiles, assuring promises, and when all else failed he turned to sad eyes and pouty lips. Chuck had yet to see anyone actually stand up against the force. Chuck himself always knew it was a con, but still conceded. There was something about Parker's happiness that was addictive.

"I adore breakfast in bed when Parker has help." Chuck eyed Parker sternly, making sure his son got the point, before refocusing on Blair. "However, you don't seem like the perfect sous-chef."

Blair conceded easily. "He's been teaching me. He assures me practice will help, and of course, once I get a real chef's hat. That's on my shopping list today."

Chuck nodded. This felt so natural, so real. It was a hallmark card, a Norman Rockwell painting, an old time family movie, and it scared Chuck. He could easily get used to this. Parker's happiness. Blair smiling. Joking in the early morning, just the three of them. It was as close to perfect as his life had been in a while, and he was worried he'd start relying on it. He'd start believing on Blair again, and then she'd disappear. He had to be cautious.

These thoughts turned his expression grim, and his stance stiff. He walked back out of the kitchen without another word, and decided he'd head into the office early. He'd promised Parker a day with his mother, and he felt it best he didn't interfere. Blair would be more at ease without him there, and Parker would adjust to having his mother one on one. They all needed this, but it still made Chuck nervous.

"Chuck?" Blair was right behind him on the staircase, a concerned look on her face. "Did I do something wrong? I didn't think it would be a big deal, and Parker seemed so excited. He wanted to thank you for letting me move in."

Chuck's heart constricted. Parker was working overtime to make sure this didn't fall apart, and Chuck hated that he was carrying that on his little shoulders. Hopefully Parker would become accustomed to this new situation, and grow confident in it sticking. It might still fall apart, but Chuck didn't want Parker living from day to day with constant worry.

Chuck forced his expression to be neutral, and bad sure to control his tone. "Everything's fine. I just need to head into the office early. A maid comes in every afternoon at noon. Leave the mess for her."

Chuck started up the stairs again, and was almost behind the safety of his bedroom doors when Blair reached out and stopped him again. They were hanging in the middle of the doorway, and Chuck watched as Blair realized this and quickly stepped back. There was a haunted look in her eyes that worried him. No matter how many times she promised him she was better he still worried she'd relapse in the end. When Parker was a baby Chuck could protect him. There would be no protecting him now. He'd feel every disappoint Blair doled them if she lost it again.

"What?" Chuck snapped, expecting her to recoil. She didn't move though. She just kept staring into the bedroom behind him, almost like she'd seen a ghost. Chuck started to become concerned, and stepped toward her. "Blair," his voice was softer, "what?"

Blair's eyes were glassy and unfocused, and she couldn't meet his when she answered. "I haven't been back in that room since…" She took a deep breath, and forced herself back together. This would not look good to Chuck. "Well, never mind. I'll let you get ready for work."

She started to turn away, but he reached out for her hand and pulled her back to him. He didn't release her until she was standing right in the middle of the doorway, and she went stock still. Everything she'd been running from lived in that room. All the happiness and all the misery. It started to choke her, and she tried to back up, but Chuck reached out again and held her in place.

"It's just a room," he whispered. There was caring and sympathy in his voice. Two things she'd missed so desperately. She wanted to reach out to him, hold on tight and never let go. She wanted to let him hold her up, and if Parker hadn't chosen that moment to come rushing up she probably would have.

"Breakfast is ready!" He announced triumphantly and handed Chuck a bowl of microwaved eggs and burnt toast. "Yours is still cooking, Mommy."

Blair tried to smile at him, but she was still in the thrall of that room. Parker seemed oblivious, but Chuck was watching her intently.

"Parker," Chuck looked down at his son, "why don't you go set the table, and your mother and I will join you. Remember what you're not allowed to touch." Chuck reminded Parker, before Parker skidded away as quickly as he'd come.

Without another word Chuck pulled Blair into the room she was so afraid of. She resisted at first, digging in her heels like a child, nearly begging him to stop, but he wouldn't release her. He insisted, and very slowly she edged into the room. Once inside he shut the door, closing off all exits, and she felt her breathing pick up. She was going to panic. She could feel it coming on, and she knew it would be a sure sign to Chuck that she was still a basket case. He released her arm, and she huddled against the wall, looking anywhere but at the spot it happened. She wondered if her blood still stained the hardwood or if he'd had it replaced. She couldn't bear to look.

"Please don't do this to me." She begged, sounding like a small child herself. The room was closing in on her. Chuck was closing in on her. She needed to get out.

"Blair." His voice was surprisingly soothing, and when she opened her eyes he was standing right in front of her. He hesitated for a moment, before reaching out and framing her face with his hands. He used to do that all the time, like he was memorizing her, worshipping her. She'd felt so whole in those moments, so loved and safe. She'd known that no one would ever love her the way he did. Protect her the way he promised he would. For him to do it now nearly undid her. "Listen to me. Can you listen?" He was using the same patient voice she'd heard him use with Parker. Where she expected condemnation he was showing her consideration.

"Is the stain still there?" She wasn't sure why that was so important, but she had to know. She had to know if the greatest mistake of her life still tainted this room.

"Blair…" His reluctance made the answer clear.

"I want to see." Blair grabbed his hands, and slowly pulled them from her face. He squeezed her fingers in return, a silent pleading for her to stop, but she couldn't. She moved around him quickly before he could stop her, and dropped to her knees on the floor at the end of the bed. There was a beautiful oriental rug there, and Blair would have admired it if she didn't know the ugly secret it hid.

She took a moment to run her fingers over the fabric. It felt soft and rough at the same time. The small reprieve passed, and she started to roll it back. Before she could get to the spot she needed to see Chuck was kneeling down beside her, stilling her hands.

"It won't help you." He seemed so sure of that, so steady.

"I know." She whispered, and then rolled it over quickly.

There beneath the beautiful oriental rug was a dark stain ingrained into the wood. Her hands were trembling when she reached out to trace it. Chuck tried to yank her hand back, but she brushed him aside and finally laid her palm against the cold hard word. For a moment she went back. Parker crying so loud, always crying, always wanting. Chuck working and worrying and looking at her like she was someone he didn't know. The blade, rough but smooth, an escape. Her back ached against the floor, her head felt a rush, and the slow flow of her blood coated her body from beneath her. She stared at the beautiful ceiling she'd designed and wished for oblivion.

"Enough." Chuck practically growled, and forced the rug back down. He stood up quickly, and practically yanked her up with him. "What do you think this will accomplish? Are you trying to lose your mind again?" He seemed angry, beyond volatile in his current mood.

"If I don't face it I'll never be strong enough." Blair was still shaking a little, her entire body overwhelmed by the memories she'd been bombarded with. She'd been so close to death that day, and if Chuck hadn't come home early she would have met it.

"This isn't the way." Chuck assured her. He turned his back on her then, and she thought their conversation was through. It wasn't though. "You're not the only one who has to live with that day, Blair. I've lived with it for years, and it isn't easy. It took me months before I could walk back into this room, and see anything besides your lifeless body lying on that floor. Sometimes I still see you. I still hear you in my ear saying goodbye as Parker screamed next to me."

"I'm so sorry." Blair choked out the words as a sob built in her throat.

"I'm not asking for your apologies!" He exploded. "I'm asking you to let it go, and move on. Don't go back to that place. Parker can't handle it and neither can I." Chuck stormed away from her then, and slammed into his bathroom.

Blair stood there for another minute, wishing he would return to her, but he didn't. She was greeted with pure silence, and she knew that was her que. They'd gone as deep as they could that morning. Chuck had to retreat, and she knew she should as well. After pulling herself together she rejoined Parker downstairs, and had the best and most awful breakfast of her life.

Chuck left for work after taking a few bites of breakfast and kissing Parker goodbye. He warned them it would probably be a late night, and Parker took this in stride. Blair hoped that was because she was there. It made her feel special, needed. Chuck merely nodded at her, before telling her Mrs. Bainbridge was in the living room and would go over the schedule. Blair didn't mind the babysitter for now, but she hoped Chuck would eventually allow her un-chaperoned time with Parker. Once again it all came down to trust.

Blair, Parker and Mrs. Bainbridge were just getting ready to head out for the park when there was a loud ruckus outside the door, and a harried looking guard stepped in. He looked from Mrs. Bainbridge to Blair, and finally addressed Blair.

"Uh… Mam, well…" He glanced around nervously. "Miss Sparks insists on coming in, and I can't reach Mr. Bass to get permission…"

Blair stared back at him, too stunned to speak at first. Georgina. Blair couldn't say she was exactly eager for this show down, but she'd been anticipating it. It didn't have to be today though. Blair knew the guard would show Georgina out if she gave the words, and that gave her a certain headiness. Already she was reclaiming her territory and all Georgina could do was wait in the hall.

"Alright, give me just a few minutes and then send her in."

The guard nodded gratefully and shut the door behind him.

"Mrs. Bainbridge," Blair turned to the kindly nanny, "why don't you and Parker head onto the park now, and I'll catch up with you once I handle this business."

Mrs. Bainbridge nodded eagerly, and started to hustle Parker toward the door.

Parker protested quickly. "She's not a nice lady, Mommy. Come with us. Daddy will make her leave."

Blair crouched down in front of Parker, and hugged him quickly. "I'll be quick I promise." She popped a kiss on his nose, and he giggled before Mrs. Bainbridge began shuffling him toward the door again.

Before they could make it out Georgina stormed in, a malicious look in her eyes.

"Pack your things and get out right now." Georgina demanded without ceremony.

Blair opened her mouth to respond in kind, but Parker beat her to it.

"You get out! You get out! My Daddy will make you leave! Call my Daddy!" Parker became a wild thing screaming so loud he had tears running down his face as he stared Georgina down. Blair had never seen her sweet child so furious, and it scared her. She'd hoped he'd escaped the volatility she and Chuck so easily turned to.

"Parker." Blair rushed over to him, and tried to pull him into her arms, but all he kept screaming was to call his father, and before Blair could even turn to Mrs. Bainbridge the woman was dialing Chuck. Blair continued to try and console Parker, while for once Georgina mercifully stayed quiet. "Parker listen to me, everything is okay. Mrs. Bainbridge is calling your father, but there's nothing to worry about. I'm not going anywhere."

Georgina scoffed in the background, and Parker unleashed another torrent of shouts directed at her. Blair didn't know what to do, but she knew she wanted to throttle Georgina for causing Parker this pain. His emotional stability was already shaky with all the changes happening.

Mrs. Bainbridge hung up the phone, and addressed Blair. "Mr. Bass is on his way right now."

Blair sucked in a relieved breath, and refocused on Parker. "Parker, Mrs. Bainbridge is going to take you into the kitchen to get some milk and cookies. Wait in there with her until your Daddy gets home okay?"

Parker shook his head. "No. She has to leave. Make her leave." Parker stared Georgina down like she was the devil incarnate, and Blair would have cheered if it didn't scare her so much. "She's bad." Parker whispered to Blair.

Blair nodded, unable to help herself. "She doesn't scare me. I'm going to talk with her until your father comes home. Please just go get some milk and cookies. You'll feel better. I promise." Blair pulled him into a hug, and Parker squeezed her back, whispering one more time that Georgina was bad.

Once Mrs. Bainbridge had successfully led Parker away Blair turned all her fury on Georgina. She advanced on the vicious redhead quickly, and nearly slapped her. It was only her last minute self preservation and decorum kicking in that stopped her. Still, if Georgina pressed her luck Blair was willing to get violent. After Parker's outburst even Chuck wouldn't blame her.

"What right do you have coming in here and upsetting my son like that?" Blair was so angry she was speaking through her teeth.

"I am Chuck's fiancé. I'll be Parker's stepmother. You were just a useless egg donor, and it's time you remembered that. I don't know what you did to convince Chuck to allow this, but I won't. Pack your things and get the hell out of her before I throw you out."

Blair couldn't help herself, she laughed. "How long do you think you'll be Chuck's fiancé when he finds out how upset you made Parker today?" Georgina flinched. "I'm not going anywhere Georgina. In fact, I intend to stay for a very long time. I am Parker's mother, and you… well, you're nothing to him. You even step close to him again, and I'll make you regret it."

Georgina scoffed, and walked around Blair so she was standing in the middle of the living room. She clearly wanted to look like she belonged, but Blair saw nothing but an intruder.

"Oh, Blair, I'm terrified. You're such a mental case. Do you really think you can just waltz back in here, and reclaim Chuck?" Georgina let out a pitying laugh. "Pathetic. Chuck tossed you out like the bitch you are years ago, and whatever bout of temporary insanity he's going through, I'll fix. You'll be out of her by nightfall."

Blair hated how insecure Georgina made her, but she refused to show any sign of weakness.

"Delusional. You always have been, Georgina. You see, I am the real Mrs. Bass. I was before, and I will be again. Chuck and I created a family together, a beautiful son who we love more than anything. There's nothing you can do to fight that. You were a distraction while I was away, but I'm back now. I'm taking what is mine, and if you get in my way I'll just run you over. Go find another rich husband, and back the hell off mine." Blair was practically steaming when she finished.

The door creaked behind them, and both women turned to find Chuck walking in. He had a curious expression on his face as he appraised them in their face-off.

"Interesting." He met Blair's eyes for a moment, before turning toward Georgina and frowning. "I thought you were in Aspen."

Georgina's attitude immediately changed. She started pouting, and sauntered right over to Chuck leaching herself to him. The only thing that consoled Blair was the fact that she knew Chuck hated clinging. Whatever Georgina thought she was accomplishing with that display, she was failing. Chuck proved Blair right when he immediately removed Georgina's arms from around him, and forced her out of his personal space.

Georgina continued to pout. "Well, I heard from a friend of a friend that you'd lost your mind so I raced right back to help you. I was hoping it was just nasty gossip to disparage you, but then I came in here and found this bitch in our home. What is going on Chuck?" Georgina went for doe-eyed, but failed.

Chuck stared at her like she'd lost her mind. "Our home? Last time I checked you didn't live here Georgina."

Georgina gritted her teeth, clearly upset to be set down while Blair was watching, but she still didn't give up. "It will be soon when we're married. I accept a lot of things Chuck, but I won't accept your ex-wife living here. It's disrespectful, and frankly fucking crazy."

Chuck continued to look disinterested in the entire tableau. "Where's my son? Mrs. Bainbridge said he was upset." Chuck looked toward Blair, ignoring Georgina completely. "Is he alright?"

Blair nodded. "I sent him to the kitchen to eat some cookies. He got really upset when Georgina barged in. He kept demanding to see you when Georgina wouldn't leave." Blair nearly smirked at Georgina, but held herself back.

Chuck turned to Georgina with a glare so fierce even Blair felt the ice. "What's the number one rule, Georgina?"

Georgina quailed. "Chuck, I obviously didn't mean to-"

Chuck cut her off. "The number one rule is you never do anything to upset my son."

Georgina balked. "How was I supposed to know coming over here would set him off like that? Honestly he seemed a little unstable."

Blair couldn't take it anymore. "You lying vicious bitch. He got upset because you stormed in here yelling at me to leave. I'm his mother. What did you think he would do? And I warned you Georgina, don't you dare screw with my son."

Blair started to advance on Georgina then, at the end of her rope, but Chuck stepped in front of her, and put a restraining arm around her waist, pulling her back against him. Georgina's face got so red Blair decided it was better than the violence she'd originally wanted to dole out.

"Blair," Chuck turned Blair around and focused solely on her. "Why don't you take Parker on whatever activity you had planned before Georgina arrived. I'll handle this. By the time you arrive home there won't be any more problems."

Blair nodded, eager to get back to her son and away from Georgina. "He'll want to see you before we leave."

Chuck agreed, and Blair hurried to collect Parker, and make a brief goodbye. It only took a few minutes to get him cleaned up, before he was racing out to greet his father. Parker flew right past Georgina like she didn't exist, and Mrs. Bainbridge and Blair shared a look. Blair liked the nanny more and more.

"Make her leave Daddy." Parker demanded the minute Chuck picked him up. "She was mean to Mommy and tried to make her leave, but Mommy is staying forever. You both promised." Parker's sole focus was on Chuck, and he was making sure his father was focusing on him. There went those face-framing hands again.

Georgina looked apoplectic in the background. "Forever!" She screeched, unable to help herself.

Chuck cut her a severe look that quieted her before he refocused on Parker. "A promise is a promise. Your mother isn't going anywhere. Georgina was confused, and she's deeply sorry for upsetting the both of you." Parker did not look mollified. Chuck called out to Georgina then. "Please apologize to my son and his mother for your behavior."

"You're not serious?" Georgina looked on the verge of collapse. "Chuck, I… I can't. You can't be… I can't!" Her voice just kept getting higher and higher. Chuck finally looked around Parker and met Georgina's eyes. There was something so hard and frightening emanating from him that everyone in the room had the presence of mind to be wary except for Parker.

Georgina took a moment to compose herself, looking away once, before giving back into Chuck's glare. It was enough to turn her around. "Alright." She started to walk toward Parker, but Blair stepped forward shooting her a warning look that stopped her where she stood. "I apologize for upsetting you Parker. Of course it was just the shock."

Chuck nodded. "And Blair…"

Georgina nearly choked, but slowly she turned to look at Blair. Pure hatred shined in her eyes, and Blair knew Georgina was contemplating all the ways she wanted to kill her.

"Blair too. Sorry." Georgina looked away quickly, and after a brief scowl Chuck let it go.

Chuck waited until Blair, Parker and Mrs. Bainbridge had safely exited before turning his rage on Georgina. He'd been in an important conference when Mrs. Bainbridge had called saying Parker was panicked, and Georgina wouldn't leave. He'd raced there as quick as possible, sure he'd walk in on bloodshed when he arrived. Georgina might have been vicious, but Blair was more skilled in the art of war. He'd put his money on her any day. Still, Parker didn't need to witness any of that.

"You should have stayed in Aspen, Georgina." Chuck wasn't in the mood to play games with her today.

She seemed to be of the same mind, because she lost her usual pout. "If I had I probably would have come home to you newly married to your ex-wife. Really, Chuck, are you fucking insane? Or are you playing some head game with her? I really hope it's the latter."

Chuck walked around Georgina to pour himself a drink, and sipped it slowly before deigning to respond. She hated being ignored, but she deserved it today. She'd been taking way too many liberties in his life, and he was over it.

"I don't play games where my son is concerned. Blair is his mother. I decided it was in his best interest that his mother live with him. End of story. Don't question me again." Chuck swigged back the rest of his drink, and poured more. He knew Georgina wouldn't be done anytime soon.

"We are engaged. I'm going to be your wife. Do you expect me to live here with her in residence? One happy family? Tell me the plan, Chuck. I really need to know, or I just might do something crazy and handle it myself."

Chuck turned toward her menacingly. "Handle it? Is that a threat?" Georgina gulped, realizing she'd made an extreme error. "If you don't like the situation Georgina you can keep the ring and get the hell out. I run my life how I see fit."

Georgina nearly screamed in frustration. "I'm not threatening you! I'm trying to get some answers. I come home to Blair living with you. What should I think? Are you getting back together? Have I just wasted my time with you?" She was unraveling quickly.

Chuck poured her a drink and handed it to her. "I haven't decided on any future plans as of yet. Our wedding isn't for months. I suppose we will see how everything goes." Chuck didn't feel the least bit bad watching her squirm. It was becoming more and more clear to him that even a marriage of convenience wouldn't work with her. She was once supposed to be a stabilizing force in case of future custody battles, but she looked more like a liability now. If worst came to worst and Blair was out of the picture again Chuck could find another solution.

"Excuse me!" She nearly dropped the drink in her hand. "You expect me to wait around while you decide if you're going to go through with our marriage or not? I'm not some piece of trash you can just throw away. I've been there for you Chuck. Don't forget what she did to you-"

"Enough about Blair. You keep going on and on about her, and it's become irritating. She's not the one ruining this relationship, you are. I warned you that I wouldn't proceed with anything that negatively affected Parker. I could accept your mutual disinterest in one another, but I will not accept you upsetting him."

Georgina paled. She knew Parker was something she couldn't fight against. "Well, maybe if I spent time with him, bonded. I'm willing to try Chuck, but I can't do that with Blair always hovering around. She doesn't belong."

Chuck nearly rolled his eyes. "She's his mother."

"She was his mother. You told me she didn't exist. She gave up her right when she tried to kill herself with him in the room. You said that. How can you just forget all that now. Parker may think he wants her, but he's a child. She's a phase for him. I'm your future, and I'd like to be Parker's. I could be a good mother if you just let me show you."

Chuck couldn't hide the disgust on his face. "You were never going to be Parker's mother. I thought we understood each other on that score. You were to fill a role for me, like I would be for you, but I didn't ask you to marry me for your maternal instincts. And I think I told you to drop the Blair issue."

"NO!" Georgina exploded. "Blair, Blair, Blair, fucking Blair! You think the fact that she popped you out some kid makes her so all important, but it doesn't. You've raised him fine on your own. Kick her out Chuck, and lets continue with our future."

Georgina's arguments had grown tedious, and Chuck was bored. He needed to return to work, and he wanted Georgina long gone before Parker returned.

"I've decided we're going to put our engagement on hold. For now, I won't announce it to the press. You can go around wearing the ring, continuing on with wedding planning as you have, and I won't tell anyone anything has changed. But things have changed. I need to reevaluate where this is headed." Chuck was cool and in control, treating Georgina like an employee.

"And I'm just supposed to be humiliated by you playing house with Blair? Everyone will know soon enough." Georgina looked nauseous.

Chuck shrugged. "Of course, you can announce you've dumped me. Like I said the ring is yours to do with what you please. I'll go along with whatever you like, but if you want this to continue then these are my terms."

Georgina was shocked, and couldn't speak at all for a few minutes. Chuck stared at his watch, anxious to get this over with. There'd already been too much drama in his day.

"So, I just wait?" Georgina was incredulous.

"If you want." Chuck returned, and then began gathering his things. "I need to get back to the office, and you need to leave here. Don't show up here again unless I invite you. I don't want a repeat of today."

Georgina numbly walked toward the door, but turned around at the last minute. She grabbed Chuck and tried to pull him into a kiss. He allowed it for a second, but then extricated himself from her completely.

"I'll call you then?" He asked as they waited at the elevator bank.

She just nodded.

Once Georgina was gone, Chuck took out his phone to take care of one last problem.

"Carter here." His smarmy voice answered.

"Meet me at The Palace in twenty minutes." Chuck hung up without waiting for a response, and advised his driver to get there as quickly as possible. Once this meeting was over with Chuck would never have to think about Carter Baizen again.

Good riddance.


	12. SEVER

AN: I wanted to do a special shout-out to nondescript. Your reviews not only make me warm and fuzzy, but they also make me analyze the story I'm telling. It's a great help in going forward, so thank you, thank you, thank you. And the thank yous continue for everyone who reviews, or even just reads this. It's become a kind of catharsis to get through my stressful last semester of law school. Now that the show is over, I can actually think positively on the characters & love story again. Also, I wanted to address FE again, since I was kind of vague before. Right now I'm thinking I'm going to finish up this story, and then move onto FE. I think if I try to write them at the same time I'll get burnt out. The pace I have going right now is working out. So, don't give up. The support for FE has been so overwhelming I promise not to leave you all hanging. I just recently went back and looked at the fanart, videos and overall appreciation you've all given me for that story, and I was once again overwhelmed. Big hugs to the entire CB fandom. We stuck in there, and we won. Okay, done now. ;)

YOU WERE MINE

**Chapter 12.**

**SEVER**

"_You can't master your future,_

_if you're still a slave to your past."_

_- Unknown_

Chuck didn't have to wait long for Carter to come sauntering into The Palace bar like he owned it. Carter's annoying swagger was one of the many things Chuck always hated about him. Even before the disaster with Blair, Carter had made himself unwelcome in Chuck's presence. He'd started sniffing around Serena during their senior year in high school until he swooped in on her when she was vulnerable after a bad break up with Nate. Chuck usually didn't buy into the protective brother bullshit, but Serena had needed time and space, not Carter breathing down her neck. Chuck still cringed to think of the depths Carter brought his sister too, before Chuck, Blair and Nate had to step in and pull her back. That's why Chuck found it so hard to believe that Blair had ever managed to see anything good in the guy. He was scrum, nothing else.

"Bass." Carter smirked as he slid onto the bar stool beside Chuck.

Chuck didn't respond at first. He found silence was an effective tool in making your enemy uneasy. People usually feared his silence, and in their haste to end it gave away all their cards. Carter started squirming, but was smart enough not to speak. Chuck wasn't sure what confessions he hoped to gain, but decided these games would take too long anyway. He finished his drink, and then reached for the briefcase beside him and slid it over to Carter.

"A present for me?" Carter laughed. "You really shouldn't have." Chuck said nothing, and waited while Carter opened it. For a minute, the mask fell and Carter's eyes shone with surprise. That was more money that he'd had in a long time, and a lot more than Chuck knew Blair owed him. It was a means to an end though.

"That's your fee for whatever help you've given, Blair. She mentioned she owed you, and I told her I'd take care it. I'm sure you'll agree that's more than enough for you to get out of this city, and never return." Chuck motioned to the waiter for his bill.

Carter slammed the briefcase shut, and glared at Chuck. "You think it's going to be that easy? You throw money at me, and I just disappear. Why should I play along?" Chuck didn't respond, and Carter just kept digging, doing his best to get a reaction. "Blair and I had a good thing. How do I know she won't come to her senses, and come running back to me. Hey, maybe I'll even get to play stepdaddy to that cute kid of yours."

Chuck usually wasn't an act first kind of person. He liked cold revenge, rather than hot violence, but some things couldn't be contained. He grabbed Carter by the collar of his shirt, and leaned in close. Carter smelled of cheap cologne and day old sweat. A disaster of a human being Chuck wouldn't mind wiping off the face of the earth.

"You'd be dead first." The conviction in Chuck's voice made Carter waver, and he shoved away from Chuck. His fingers starting drumming on the briefcase, and he glanced around nervously. He had enough sense to know Chuck Bass didn't make idle threats.

"You don't scare me." Carter was all bluster.

"I should." Chuck returned easily, and handed his credit card over to the bartender as he began to gather his coat. "Take the money Carter, and leave. Stick around, and interfere with my family and you won't like the consequences. I let you get away with it once. I won't do it again."

Carter finally nodded, realizing he was beat in every possible way. Blair had thrown him out, and now she'd sent her psychotic hubby to come do her dirty work. Still, Carter couldn't let Chuck Bass get the last word in.

"You know you'll never make her happy. You'll just drive her crazy again, and she'll leave you, or worse she'll finish the job she started before." Chuck stopped short, but didn't turn around. "I told her not to come back here. I told her you'd destroy her. I guess she's crazy after all."

Carter slammed the rest of his drink, gathered the briefcase, and swanned past Chuck out of The Palace. Chuck had to stop himself from reaching out, and punching Carter as he passed. It would just be another unneeded headline though, so he forced himself to calm down. Carter would leave town now, and Chuck could finally put that ghost to rest.

Parker convinced Blair and Mrs. Bainbridge to take him by Serena's foundation so he could say hello. Blair wasn't entirely comfortable with Parker's need to see Serena, but she couldn't say no so they headed in. The foundation seemed to be doing pretty well, which felt like another knife in Blair's back. The entire thing had been her idea. She'd come up with the idea, pitched it to Bart and Chuck, and gotten the go ahead. She'd been the one to bring Serena in as a co-partner, and for a while it had been a gratifying experience. Then her pregnancy had forced her to stay at home on bed rest, and after Parker… she'd just never been quite right. Serena had taken over the full reigns, and that had been that. Part of her wished Serena had crashed and burned, but he exact opposite seemed to have happened. Serena had completed their dream.

"Parks!" Serena spotted them immediately, and took off at an ungraceful run toward Parker, who was running to her as well. Blair nearly cringed when Serena scooped Parker up, and they acted like they hadn't seen each other in ages. "This is the best surprise of my day, actually probably my whole month."

Blair couldn't hang around in the background while everyone pretended they weren't staring at her, so she stepped up then. "We were in the neighborhood. You've done well here, Serena. It's almost exactly what I envisioned."

Serena's smile dimmed. "You left a great blueprint. I'd love to discuss it with you sometime, maybe you could-"

Before Serena could get out her pity offer, Blair waved it off. "I'm much too busy with Parker, and of course my Bass board seat. You seem to have it in hand. Bravo."

Parker started to squirm in Serena's arms, finally catching onto the tension but not understanding it. Serena let him down, and asked Mrs. Bainbridge if she'd escort him up to the office. She promised Parker there was a surprise in her bottom drawyer for him, and he took off running before another word could be said. A harried Mrs. Bainbridge trudged after him with an adoring expression.

"If you have something to say to me, Blair, then just say it." Serena wasn't hiding behind forced civility any longer. "I'd really hoped we could get past all this… bitterness."

Blair gritted her teeth. She hated when Serena acted all mature and understanding. It made Blair feel small and petty. Still, she couldn't quite get herself to put on her fake smile today. Seeing her foundation being run by Serena right after the confrontation with Georgina was too much.

"I'm not sure that's ever going to be possible." Blair answered back honestly. Her entire body radiated hostily, and Serena squared her shoulders in response. When they were growing up they were known for their dramatic temper tantrums. Sometimes they'd have the entire school at each others throats, taking sides, and bickering like the Blair/Serena issue was a world issue. Those wars always ended in peace treaties. Blair wished it could be that simple this time.

"Have I not tried to help you with Parker? You're living with him at the penthouse now. Do you really think that would have been possible if I hadn't interceded with Chuck? I'm not sure what you expect from me. Hell, I'm not even sure what you're mad about anymore." Serena was exasperated.

"I'm mad that you've been more of a mother to my son that I was ever allowed to be. I'm mad that I had to force myself into his life, and it took you this long to try and help me. I'm mad about a lot of things Serena. And I do appreciate you talking to Chuck, but that doesn't absolve you from letting all this happen in the first place."

Serena seemed taken aback, and Blair suddenly realized the entire room had quieted. No one was even pretending not to watch them now. Blair looked down self consciously, and cringed at the round of gossip that would soon be circulating. Everytime she tried to make herself look respectable, she did something that set her back. This outburst would just convince them all she was an evil witch after the kind, beautiful Serena.

Serena finally recovered herself, and pulled Blair into a small side office away from prying eyes and ears.

"I didn't let any of this happen, Blair. And I can't believe you think this is the first time I've tried to help you. I've been trying to help you from the minute you got sick. I begged you to get help, to talk to Chuck, talk to anyone, but you refused. I begged Chuck. I begged your mother. I let you consume my life for months, and yeah when you ran away I stepped in with Parker. I had to. No one else knew what to do. Chuck couldn't function. Your mother was wild with worry over you. I did what I thought you'd want, and I put Parker first. Then you came back and I did everything I could to help."

Blair had heard enough. "You gave up on me just like everyone else. You told me to go with my mother. You told me to give up on Chuck." Blair was practically screaming, but she didn't care anymore. This had been building for so long she didn't think she could stop even if she wanted to.

Serena was incredulous, and getting just as furious. "I told you to get help! I told you to give Chuck time, because I knew he was in a bad place. I never told you to give up. In fact, I was the only person who helped you see Parker through that time. I never tried to replace you or be his mother. I just tried to be the best aunt I could. I won't apologize for loving Parker, or loving Chuck or even loving you." Serena took a breath, and wiped at some run away tears. "God, Blair, I'm so sick of you always being the victim. You weren't the only one who got hurt. We all got hurt, and we all found a way to move on. I'm sorry that it took you longer. I really am. And when you came back this time, even the way you did, I was so happy. I thought finally," Serena took an emotional breath, but the tears kept coming. "Finally," she continued in a whisper, "everything can be right again…" She shook her head sadly. "I guess I was just a fool."

Serena started to leave, and Blair almost let her go, but something stopped her. She reached out for Serena's hand, and held her in place. Neither spoke for a minute, and Blair could feel Serena becoming impatient. She'd always been that way, and it made Blair smile.

"I want everything to be right again. I want to go back." Blair admitted, the admission ripped from somewhere deep inside her. Tears started tracing her own cheeks, and she didn't even bother wiping them away. She just knew that Serena would never tell anyone.

Serena sighed, and looked back to Blair. She turned Blair's hand over in her own, and traced her thumb over Blair's scar. Blair flinched, but didn't move.

"You can't go back." Serena's sadness echoed in Blair. "I don't think any of us can… Mistakes were made, Blair. I know I wasn't perfect. Maybe I should have gone with you to Europe, but I was afraid to leave Chuck. I was afraid of what would happen if he was alone. You had your parents, and he had Bart and my mother, and while Lily tried, she wasn't exactly helpful."

Serena released Blair's hand, and started pacing the room.

"I don't know, maybe I screwed up. I saw the walls going up in Chuck, and I didn't try to stop it. I was just grateful the pain was going away; he was starting to live again. For a while, I didn't know if that was even possible. He went through the motions for Parker, but he was empty."

"I suffered too. I called him. I begged him to let me come home again, to be a family, but all I got was silence and then divorce papers in the mail. You didn't call, Serena. You didn't … I expected you to be there, and you weren't. You were raising my son. How am I supposed to let that go when I see the proof of it everytime Parker's around you. You have a bond with him that I might never have. You were there when he first walked, spoke, smiled – I got none of that. No memories to cherish. I only have the awful ones. And I'm jealous and I'm angry and I just… I don't know how to stop feeling that way." Blair swiped at her wet cheeks, but it was useless. She was a complete mess.

Serena wasn't doing much better. She looked gutted, and part of Blair was glad, but another part of her just wanted to stop all the hurting. She wanted to forgive Serena, and be forgiven, and just have her best friend back. Real life never seemed to be that easy though. There were always jagged edges that poked out and cut you in the most inopportune times.

"I should have called." It was a pained admission. "I picked up the phone every day. I dialed your number… but I just… I didn't know what to say." Serena tried to look away, but Blair saw the shame in her eyes. "I didn't understand why your life with all of us wasn't enough. And it was hard to see you so…" Serena hesitated.

Blair knew what she wanted to say, and whispered in response. "Weak."

Serena nodded, and finally met Blair's eyes again. "You were always this force of nature, this fearless girl who could handle anything and anyone. I leaned on you, not the other way around… I didn't know what to do when the roles were reversed."

A knock on the door sounded before Blair could respond, and both girls quickly pulled themselves back together. When they opened it Parker and Mrs. Bainbridge were both standing there with curious looks on their faces. Mrs. Bainbridge quickly forced hers blank, but Parker wasn't about to let it go.

"Why're you crying?" He asked immediately as they walked out of the office.

Blair couldn't quite find her voice, so Serena took pity on her. One more thing she could give Parker, that Blair couldn't.

"Girl talk. You know what I tell you Parks, sometimes girls are just-"

Parker interrupted her, clearly having heard this before. "Drama, drama, drama."

Blair and Serena both burst out laughing, lightening the mood, and even Mrs. Bainbridge cracked an amused smile.

"That's right." Serena nodded proudly. "Alls better now though. Did you find your surprise?"

Parker's smile turned mega-watt at that, and he whipped out a huge rainbow lollypop already opened. That explained the multicolored smudges around his mouth.

"My favorite." He hugged Serena's legs tightly since he couldn't reach her arms, and Serena cuddled him in close for a moment, before releasing him. "Can you and Uncle Nate come over for dinner tonight?" Parker's mind was already onto the next thing.

Serena hesitated for a minute, glancing at Blair before shaking her head. "Not tonight little man. Uncle Nate has a boring business thing." Parker made a face, and Serena nodded. "That's exactly how I feel. I'll call your Dad though and set up another night. Okay?"

Parker reluctantly nodded.

"Why don't you let Mrs. Bainbridge clean you up a little bit, and then you guys should probably get going before I get in trouble with the boss for not working." Serena smiled at him sneakily.

He grinned. "You're the boss, S."

She pushed him in the direction of the bathroom, and Blair and Serena were left alone again.

"You could come for dinner," Blair interjected immediately. She knew Chuck would not approve of her cutting Serena out, and she wasn't even sure that was what she wanted. Parker's happiness relied on Serena, and Blair was determined to put that above everything else.

Serena shook her head. "You guys should probably settle in first before you jump into anymore family dinners. Besides, I have a feeling my mother already has something in the works. She's skeptical about the living arrangements, but she's a romantic at heart. Happily ever afters are her thing, especially after the tragedy with Bart."

Blair nodded. "I'll look forward to an invitation."

Blair started toward the door, but Serena caught her at the last minute. She looked hesitant to say whatever she'd stopped Blair for, and Blair felt dread in the pit of her stomach. She'd been through all the drama she could handle for one afternoon.

"No more soul-bearing, Serena." Blair begged.

"I just wanted to tell you that… You're Parker's mom, Blair. You're the central woman in his life, and whether you were here or not doesn't matter. You're here now. You're living with him, making things right with Chuck… you're gonna be here for so many firsts. It won't make up for what you missed, I know that, but it's … it's so much more, you know?" Serena looked at Blair hopefully.

Blair finally cracked a small smile. "You really think I'll last this time?"

Serena answered emphatically. "No doubts. And this time, I promise I'm here. Hell or high water, I'm here."

Parker and Mrs. Bainbridge arrived, and Blair left with them. Serena's words still echoed in her head though, and a wound that had been festering for years started to heal. Serena was right, you could never go back, but Blair was starting to believe you could start over. You could make things right if you really tried, and Blair wasn't going to stop pushing until she got it right.

Chuck arrived home to find the penthouse blessedly silent. He called out for Parker, and when he got no answer he figured they must still be out. He threw off his jacket, discarded his phone, and decided he'd take a long shower to wash away this day. Then he'd order out dinner, maybe Parker's favorite Italian place. They'd never had a family dinner just the three of them, but Chuck thought it might be nice. He knew Parker would love it, and it might just erase Carter from Chuck's mind all together.

He stopped short when he entered his bedroom to find Blair sitting on the floor with the carpet rolled back again, and a bucket of sudsy water sitting beside her. He glanced around for Parker, and was relieved when his son was no where to be found. Whatever crisis Blair was going through he couldn't let Parker see it. This entire scene made him nauseous.

"Blair…" Chuck broke her out of her reverie.

She turned around quickly, and nearly knocked the bucket over. After she righted it, and herself she refocused on Chuck. She could tell from the look on his face that he was concerned, perhaps beyond the concerned territory and into the totally freaked out one.

"Parker's with Mrs. Bainbridge picking up dinner and his favorite movie. I promised I'd watch with him tonight. They shouldn't be back for another thirty minutes or so…" She turned back to the spot in front of her, and zeroed in again.

Chuck hesitated in the door way for a moment, before he finished unbuttoning his shirt and throwing it on the bed. He silently watched Blair for a few minutes until he couldn't do it anymore, and locked himself in the bathroom. He stepped into his steaming shower, and prayed she would be gone when he came out. He didn't want to look at that fucking stain anymore, and he needed her to come back from whatever dark place she was in.

He took his time drying off, putting on some casual (for him) clothes, and then finally with no otherchoice entered his bedroom. She was still sitting there. A soapy sponge was in her hand, and it looked like she'd been working vigorously in his absence. The stain still remained though. All the scrubbing in the world couldn't erase that.

"I'll get new flooring if it bothers you that much." He offered helplessly. He'd said all he could that morning, and he wasn't willing to travel back to that time again. "I probably should have already, but…" He stopped, unsure why he hadn't ripped it up immediately. Maybe he'd needed that stain, a reminder of what she'd done, of the pain she'd caused. Anytime he started to forget he could always look at that and know he was doing the right thing. That seemed pointless now.

"No," she answered him a bit frantically, and started scrubbing again.

Chuck watched her for a moment, before finally dropping down beside her, and practically ripping the soppy sponge out of her hand. She fought him, and before he knew it the bucket had tipped over, sending sudsy water all over them and the floor. He slipped, and she fell down on top of him, still fighting for that damn sponge like a wild animal. He couldn't relinquish it though. It somehow felt too important. If he gave in then maybe she'd truly lose it. That fucking stain. He had to get rid of it.

"Chuck, I need it." She finally stopped struggling, and just hovered above him. She was a mess, hair wet and sticking to her cheeks. Tears and water mingled, and Chuck wasn't sure how she still managed to look appealing but she did. Maybe that was their problem. She always appealed to him. He'd never had the sense to deny her, which was why when she'd promised him she was okay with her hurting brown eyes and sad smile he'd believed her. He'd made himself believe her. He even wanted to give into her now, but he couldn't.

"You don't need it. You don't." He promised her. His own heart was beating a mile a minute, and he felt exhausted and out of breath. He tentatively reached up, and brushed the hair out of her face. Her eyes, Parker's eyes, stared back at him. All the hurt and sadness he'd ignored for so long was right there for the taking. She was letting him in, and he wanted to run.

"I do." She pleaded, but the resolution on his face finally did her in, and she sunk down into his body. She nestled her head into the nook of his shoulder, and twined her body around his. He was too stunned to react for a minute, but when she grabbed his arm and placed it around her he finally molded to her the way she seemed to want.

This was a familiar position to him. After they'd gotten married he'd wake up like this a lot. He and Blair would go to sleep on totally different sides of the bed, both confidant that they were not cuddlers. It was beneath them. But then sometime in the night they would gravitate toward one another, and wake up in a tangle. Blair always said it was him, and he thought she was probably right. His favorite part of the morning had been those quiet seconds before she woke when he could watch her, memorize her. Now he wasn't so sure. Maybe it had been Blair all along. Maybe she'd been reaching for him, and he hadn't realized it.

They laid like that for a while. Chuck kept expecting Parker to arrive home, and allow him a reprieve, but the clock just kept ticking. Blair's breathing evened out, but she wasn't sleeping and he couldn't either. They were covered in soapy water, and Chuck hated the feeling. He couldn't move her though, somehow sure she'd break if he did. So, he just laid there, wrapped around her, listening to her breathe, praying she was all right.

Eventually she started to stir. She didn't move completely away from him, but she did extricate her arms and legs. Finally they were just laying side by side on their backs, staring up at the ceiling. Her hand was resting right beside his own, fingers barely touching, but it was just enough to make him still feel connected to her.

"I have nightmares of this ceiling." She admitted.

He remained quiet, staring up at the same ceiling he slept under every night, but seeing it through her eyes. This was where he found her, laid almost exactly like this, staring blankly up at nothing. He'd been hysterical in his panic, too much blood, her eyes so hollow, Parker so loud… he'd never felt so helpless in his life. He kind of felt like that now, because here she was beside him, but he still didn't know what to do or say. Deep down he'd always been afraid it had been him. Something he'd said or done or hadn't done that had finally made her make that decision. He couldn't imagine what it was that made her believe a razor blade and oblivion was the answer, but he was her husband. He should have known. Part of him still needed to know, but he wouldn't ask her.

"I wake up in the middle of the night, and no matter where I am I think I'm back here, laying here… I don't know if I'll ever escape it, Chuck." She turned on her side, willing him to look at her, and it took everything in him to turn as well. Once their eyes locked she continued. "I'm okay. I'm better, and I don't want you to be scared that I'm just going to lose it again. I see a therapist, and I take care of myself… I know the triggers, and I know how to pull back, but this room… this room is like my nightmare. I wanted to wash it away, like maybe that would… like maybe I could fix it or something. But it wouldn't budge. It's ingrained."

"I'll replace it," he whispered.

"No," she shook her head, and wiped away an errant tear. "That's not fixing it. That's erasing it, pretending it didn't exist. I think we've both been doing that for too long."

Chuck understood where she was coming from, but he still hated it. He wanted to tear the whole fucking room down and start over. It felt morbid to him now, a trigger for them both that couldn't be diffused any longer. He knew every time he went to bed he'd look at the ceiling, and he'd have his own nightmares now.

"Let's move." He was surprised when the words left his mouth, but they felt right. This place was haunted, he could see that now. No matter how hard Blair tried she wouldn't be able to shake it, and he couldn't either. He saw it through her eyes, and he hated it.

"Chuck," she shook her head, "that's not going to fix it."

Chuck sat up, and turned to look down at her. "Maybe not, but it'll be better. It'll be a fresh start. This place was another life, Blair… I don't want to see it anymore."

Blair didn't know how to respond. She hadn't meant to come in there earlier, but that damn stain just wouldn't let her go. She'd been like a mad woman gathering the bucket and sponge, determined she could wipe it all away by the time Chuck returned. She wanted the floor to look the same. She needed this home to be the way it was before, before the stain. She'd failed.

"Where would be go?" Blair couldn't believe she was going along with this. It felt surreal and natural all at the same time. They'd had this same conversation years ago, right after she'd told him she was pregnant. His first thought had been to find a home for them, and that's when she'd known it would all be alright. She'd feared Chuck wouldn't welcome the baby news. Their relationship had always been complicated, but a child changed everything. All the walls Blair had fought against for so long just crumbled down. He opened himself completely to her then, welcomed her as his true family. It had been her grandest triumph.

"We can call a real estate agent. Of course, we'll stay in the area, but maybe it's time we expanded. We're even richer now than before." He said this playfully, and Blair finally cracked a smile. "You can redecorate."

Blair liked the idea of creating a new home for them, but her mind short-circuited when she thought about Georgina. Would this new home include a new bride? Would Blair just be a glorified nanny to Parker? Her mind started to spin again, and Chuck began frowning.

"What's the problem?"

Blair answered honestly. "Georgina."

Chuck sighed in annoyance, and dropped back to the floor beside her. He took a moment to answer, and she nervously waited. If he said Georgina was coming along Blair would balk. She had to. It would be a risk, she'd just moved in herself, but he couldn't think Georgina being around Parker was alright. In fact, Blair didn't want Georgina around anyone she loved.

"Georgina and I are re-evaluating our situation." He seemed confidant that would settle the issue, but Blair just stared at him. It wasn't enough. His irritation grew. "The wedding might not happen."

Blair still stared.

"Blair," he growled, "leave it alone."

Blair couldn't though. She needed to know where she stood, and what needed to be done about Georgina. Blair was confidant the wedding wouldn't happen. She wouldn't let it, but she needed some indication of where she needed to start. Operation get rid of Georgina was going into full effect, and she didn't care if Chuck knew it or not. She didn't intend to be subtle anyway.

"She thinks she owns you. She thinks she can upset Parker and get away with it. I don't like it." Blair could feel herself getting fired up. "And you know what, Chuck?" He shrugged back at her. "I can't believe you ever even let her into your life. There had to be plenty of suitable women you could waste time with, why a vicious bitch like her?"

Chuck groaned, clearly realizing he wasn't getting out of this. "Do you really think you have a right to question my choices, considering your own." Chuck gave her a pointed look, but she didn't back down.

"Carter and Georgina don't even compare. He cared about me. She cares about your money." Blair pushed herself into a rigid sitting position, and faced off against Chuck. "Don't deny it."

"Georgina's interests in me don't concern me. I intended to marry her for reasons of my own that certainly didn't include love. I've gone through that disaster already." Chuck's tone was cutting, and Blair finally flinched. His face fell, and he ran a tired hand through his hair. "I don't know why you push things like this."

"Don't you?" Blair whispered in return.

He looked back up, and met her eyes. "No." He was truly confused, once again feeling helpless and out of depth where she was concerned. He didn't understand how he could pin every one else down with so much ease, but never ceased struggling with Blair.

"I'm jealous, Chuck." It embarassed her to admit it, but he wasn't getting it. "Besides the fact that I truly think she's a horrible person, I'm jealous. You're engaged to her, and I hate it. She comes in here, and paws at you and I just… It makes me sick." Chuck stared back at her blankly, and Blair was finally fed up. "Nevermind." She mumbled, and pushed herself to her feet to leave. "I'll get some towels to clean up the mess."

"Blair," Chuck finally found his voice. She stopped at the door, but couldn't look at him. "I paid Carter off today. Probably ten times what you actually owed him."

Blair turned back in shock. "You did? Why? I told you I'd handle it."

Chuck looked away, and then finally forced himself to look back. "It makes me sick too I guess."

Blair smiled. It was inappropriate and she knew it, but she couldn't stop herself. She'd been waiting for a sign, any sign that Chuck still felt something for her beyond his desire to please their child. This was it. If he was jealous of Carter that had to mean he still cared, and if he still cared then she could make all of this work. She would make all of this work.

"Daddy!" Parker's voice echoed through the apartment as the door slammed downstairs.

"You should probably head him off. I'll get this cleaned up." Blair didn't wait for Chuck to respond, and headed into the bathroom for towels. Once she was sure she was alone she did a little twirl of excitement.

Hope.


	13. CONNECTION

AN: Thank you guys for the continuing support! This update took a little longer to get out, because I've been having some computer problems. My laptop crashed, and I had to get a new one. Thankfully, I didn't lose my files, but I am still getting used to this new keyboard so bear with me. I'm trying to overcome my keyboard frustration and get the next chapter finished. Finished ranting, enjoy the chap!

YOU WERE MINE

**Chapter 13.**

**CONNECTION**

"_Invisible threads are the strongest ties."_

_- Nietzsche_

Blair was enjoying a blissful massage at the spa while Parker enjoyed a playdate when the biggest mistake of her life finally put in a call. She'd been expecting Jack, dreading him, but she'd hoped she'd have a little more time to figure out a plan. She knew she'd have to finesse Jack. Play him in a way that he thought he was winning, but also assuring that he didn't. Chuck would never forgive her if she helped Jack take the company from him, and in truth, she'd never really had any desire to do that. She'd just figured she'd lord the threat over Chuck until she made her way in, and then hopefully she and Carter could come up with a plan to cut Jack out completely. He was a reptile, and doing business with him was distasteful. It had only been the importance of her endgame that convinced her to do it. Jack was a mistake.

"Hello, Jack." She tried to make her voice sound inviting, but it came out as more of a grimace. She waved away her masseuse, and pulled the towel around her as she sat up on the table. Her morning of relaxation was officially ruined.

"Well hello Sweetheart. It's been a while since we talked. Seems a lot has changed in your life. Carter's disappeared. You checked out of the hotel. And this morning I hear gossip that you're back under my nephew's roof. I'm impressed. You're just as good as promised." Jack made everything sound dirty.

"You're well informed." Blair allowed while she tried to think of what to say next. "Listen Jack, I don't think we should talk for a while. Chuck might become suspicious and then the entire game is over. He'll crush us. Just let me work my end for a while, and you continue… doing what you do."

Jack laughed, but it wasn't a pleasant sound. "Are you going soft on me, Waldorf?" There was a threat behind his words, and Blair felt chilled. He could destroy her with one phone call, and he had to realize that.

She scoffed, praying she sounded believable. "Never. Chuck destroyed my life and stole my child. I'm going to ruin him, but first I'm going to make him love me again so it hurts worse." The words felt dirty in her mouth, but she knew they were just devious and disgusting enough for Jack to believe her.

She could practically hear him smirking. "I like the way that sounds. Break him down until he has nothing to live for. I guess you'd be an expert at that. Alright, Sweetheart, I'll leave this to you for now, but the clock is ticking. You better heat him up pretty quick. I hate waiting."

Jack hung up before Blair had to answer, and she was relieved. She had to find something on Jack that would keep him in line. Being that Jack was who he was she was sure he had plenty of skeletons in his closet. She'd have to contact a PI, and get this going. Jack's copious drug use and generally insane personality meant he really wouldn't wait for long. A clock was ticking on her happiness, and she was determined to put this all away so Chuck never had to know.

Chuck finished a call with one of his contacts who was still trying to find a place to relocate all the homeless people his project would be putting out when his secretary buzzed him.

"Mr. Bass, your… well…" Madison stumbled over herself, which was very unusual for his usually composed secretary.

"Yes?" He responded impatiently. He had another phone conference in an hour, and he needed to review his notes. He wasn't entirely sure about this venture, but some board members had been pressuring him to check it out and he'd finally caved. He doubted he'd go ahead with it, but it was important that they at least think their opinions mattered. In truth, there were only a few left who had any idea about the current market. The others were from his father's generation, and Chuck wasn't interested in their ways of running things.

Madison didn't have a chance to answer before Chuck's door was opening, and a smiling Blair was standing in the doorway. Chuck laughed to himself. He understood Madison's hesitation now. She'd been with him back in the old days when Blair was Mrs. Bass. It seemed everyone was having some confusion with that, maybe even Chuck himself. Sometimes he caught himself looking at her, thinking about her… as if she was still his wife. He always pulled himself back, but the moments were happening more frequently lately.

"It's fine, Madison." Chuck assured his secretary, and motioned for Blair to shut the door behind her. "Was I expecting you?" He knew he wasn't. They'd been spending a lot of time together at home, but always when Parker was around. Since their confessions a week before they'd both been careful not to be alone, or at least Chuck had.

"My plans went awry this morning, and I was in the area so… I figured I'd drop by. Lily called me this morning, and asked if we'd like to come over for dinner. I told her I'd check with you…" Blair slid into the seat in front of Chuck, and waited for an answer.

Chuck frowned. He'd been dodging Lily's calls all week. Serena had warned him this was coming, and he just didn't feel like shaking up the balance the three of them had found by inviting his entire family into it. He was sure unwelcome probes would follow, and he didn't have any answers. At least none he was willing to share yet.

"Do you want to go?" Chuck asked without providing an answer.

Blair shrugged, genuinely seeming indifferent. "Parker loves Lily, and he's been begging to see Serena and Nate all week. It might be nice… unless you'd feel weird… bringing me, I mean." Blair's words were more of a question, and Chuck immediately caught on.

"It might be a little weird," he conceded. She tried to hide it, but he could read the disappointment in her eyes. He didn't know what to make of that. "But you're right, Parker will enjoy it, and Lily will just track me down if I say no. We might as well face them all now."

Blair was the one frowning now. "Sounds lovely. Should I expect a firing squad?"

Chuck laughed. Blair was starting to seem a lot more like herself. The wit that he'd always so enjoyed was returning. Perhaps it was the ease of their new situation, but Chuck didn't want to risk it. This was the Blair he wanted for Parker, this controlled yet comfortable person. She hadn't had anymore incidents since that night in his bedroom, and he felt that was a good sign. He'd put out feelers to a real estate agent, and intended to move forward with moving plans. Soon the past would truly be put behind them, stains and all.

"No, I'm sure you'll be the favored guest."

Blair looked unsure. "I know Lily isn't exactly thrilled that I moved in with you… Maybe we're in for an intervention. As fun as that sounds, your initial misgivings might be right. I'll pretend I have the flu."

"Blair," Chuck shook his head. Her mood had changed so swiftly. "Lily gave you her BE shares. You really think she doesn't want you back in the family?" He sighed, annoyed at her mysterious behavior. "I don't understand where this is coming from."

Blair was on edge, and she knew it was only partly Chuck's fault. "I just… You avoid me at home, and you act like a dinner with your family is so odd and out of the question. What are we doing, Chuck? I need to know." Blair didn't mean to say it, but then it was out and she had to stand behind it.

He shifted uncomfortably in his chair. "I thought we were doing exactly what you wanted. You're in Parker's life. You're living with him." Chuck was being intentionally obtuse, and Blair's look told him she knew it. "Don't complicate this…" He couldn't meet her gaze any longer.

"You know that's not the only thing I want." Blair felt brave, but also extremely terrified that she was going to crash and burn. She knew she was pushing Chuck too fast, but Jack's call had spooked her. She needed to find solid ground again, and she needed Chuck to be in the same place she was.

"Then what do you want?" He finally exploded. He shoved back his chair, and paced over to the window. His back was to her, and Blair decided that was probably better when they were both this volatile and raw.

"You know," she whispered.

He turned around and faced her. His gaze glued her to her seat, and she couldn't move or look away. He was asking for more, and she had to pull at everything inside of her to find the courage. _Just think about the future_, she kept chanting to herself.

"I want our family." Blair thought that was revealing enough, but Chuck still didn't look away. She closed her eyes for a moment, steeling herself, and then looked back at him. "You." It was one word, but there was so much meaning behind it.

Chuck barely had a second to react before Serena was barging in with a harried look on her face.

"You have to call my mother back. Now she won't leave me alone, and has insisted I come over here and force you to accept her invitation. Please, Chuck, accept. I can't take much more of her." Serena let out an exhausted breath, and then realized Blair was sitting there and something was obviously going on. "Uh-oh."

Blair jumped up, and headed for the door. "I'll have Parker and myself ready by six. See you then." She half-heartedly smiled at Chuck, before nodding at Serena, and rushing out.

Chuck stared at her, still in shock from her admission. Serena was staring at him, and he knew the questions were coming, but he couldn't focus. He wasn't sure how to feel about Blair's admission. He just knew he didn't need Serena digging around in his head while it was still so fresh.

"I definitely just walked in on something. Don't tell me you guys are fighting. I really think you need to relax a little, Chuck. Whatever happened you'll work through. Blair is doing so much better, and so are you, and Parker is just so happy and-"

"Serena." Chuck silenced her, before she made his head explode. "We weren't fighting."

"Oh." She seemed surprised, and then her mind started working again. "Oh." She smiled brightly. "Then maybe you were having a moment? I'm right aren't I? It was only a matter of time. Nate and I actually kind of bet on it, but not really a bet, because that would be wrong… we know that." Serena finally stopped talking.

"I don't intend to discuss my personal life with you." Chuck told her coolly, and retook his seat at his desk. He pulled out his conference notes, and tried to concentrate on them, but with Serena buzzing around in the background, and Blair's words still on his mind he couldn't.

Serena slid into Blair's recently vacated seat. "Since when? You never want to, but then I annoy you until you agree. We could do that today, or we could skip the middle step and you just tell me. You need my guidance, Chuck. Admit it."

Chuck almost smiled. Serena in a hyped up mood was irrepressible. "Is that what you're calling it?"

"I have always given you great advice…" Serena softened when she saw the truly confused look on Chuck's face. "Okay… this is big then… come on, Chuck. Don't bottle everything up, and try to figure it out on your own. You only end up screwing it up. You might know Blair better than anyone, but you rarely get her. Let me help you." Serena seemed so eager to solve their problems.

Chuck hesitated. He didn't want to discuss this now, but maybe he should. Serena was right. He always seemed to misinterpret Blair, and things seemed so precarious now. Maybe he did need a little push in the right direction. He didn't have to take Serena's advice, but it might provide some entertainment.

"I think she told me she wants to be with me." Chuck felt some relief at saying it out loud. It somehow became more real.

"You think?" Serena seemed unimpressed. "She either did or didn't. Tell me exactly." Serena leaned in, an anxious expression on her face.

"Don't be ridiculous, Serena. Blair and I had a conversation about what she wanted from our current situation, and she said she wanted our family and me. Now, I'm sure I can figure this out on my own, and I'm sure you have work. Tell Lily we will attend the dinner." Chuck tried to dismiss Serena.

"Wow." Serena sat back in her seat, a glazed expression on her face. "She really did it. I'm not surprised she still loves you, but I'm shocked she actually told you. I thought it would take years of serious therapy to fix your marriage."

"I'm divorced." Chuck snapped right back.

"You've never acted like it. Even when you hated her, you felt more for her than anyone else… I'm happy for you guys, Chuck. Maybe this time you can have the family you always wanted." Serena walked around Chuck's desk, and surprised him with a quick hug.

"What was that for?" Chuck pulled back uncomfortably.

"I'm just happy." She smiled, and Chuck could tell she genuinely meant it.

"Blair's just grateful I've let her back into Parker's life. You can't trust anything she says right now. Besides, I'm not certain I even want to attempt another try at my marriage. Blair and I are working well as Parker's parents. Anything more might be too much for her."

Serena sobered up, finally seeing the raw fear in Chuck's eyes. "You didn't do that to her, Chuck." Serena had been saying that to him for years. Right after it happened she said it on replay, but Chuck never really heard her. He said he did. He acted bitter and hateful, like he was above it all, but Serena saw beneath that. Chuck had convinced himself that he was to blame for Blair's illness, for the actions she took, and now he was going back there.

"I'm busy, Serena." Chuck swallowed hard. His hard won composure was failing him. Serena kept prodding at him, and all his old fears were rushing up. If he let Blair back in maybe they'd drown again. Maybe he'd ruin her like Carter accused him. It wasn't so unbelievable. Darkness had followed him his entire life.

"Listen to me," she demanded with more force than he was expected. He turned to her sharply, and she grasped his hand tight in her own. "Blair got sick. It was post-partum depression, and underlying issues she'd dealt with her entire life. None of us knew what to do, Chuck. Do you blame Parker for it?" Chuck scoffed. "Then how can you blame yourself? How can you think that loving her will… hurt her? It won't. Clearly, she believes it won't. She wants you. If you don't want her, then fine, I get it, but don't throw it away on fear."

"I'm not afraid." Chuck hated even the suggestion. "I want you to leave."

Serena stubbornly shook her head. "Nope. I always do that. I always back off when you ask, and I'm done. You need to talk to Blair about this. Settle it between you once and for all. If all you can be is parents together then fine. I know you'll be the best Parker could ever hope for, but if there's a chance you can be more… you owe it to yourself and to Blair, and most especially to your son, to at least talk it out. Stop running, Chuck. Aren't you tired yet?"

Chuck couldn't answer, and Serena smiled at him sadly. She leaned in pressing a quick kiss to his forehead, before silently leaving his office. He sat there a long time afterward thinking about what she'd said. In truth, he was exhausted. He was so tired of putting up walls, going through each day only living for the moments he enjoyed with Parker. Maybe it was more than he ever thought he deserved, but it wasn't the life he thought he'd have. He'd dreamed of a family, of a wife, and a child and maybe even a few more children. He'd buried that dream so far down he'd almost forgotten it, but having Blair back was reminding him. Still, fear was clawing its way through him, and he wasn't sure he could make that leap. Not yet.

Blair clung to Parker's hand as they entered Lily's, but the minute Parker saw his grandmother he took off running. Blair supposed Chuck had never enforced that no running in the house rule. Parker was always so impatient to get somewhere. It was endearing, but also a little frightening. He was like a locomotive, and Blair often times had to veer to the side to get out of his way. His verve for life was enviable.

Chuck came up beside her, and helped her off with her coat. He was carrying a bottle of champagne, her favorite, and she warmed a little. It was the little things that told her Chuck cared more than he let on. When he'd come home earlier to get ready for dinner he'd acted like their conversation in his office hadn't even happened. It had stung, but she'd soldiered on. Maybe her first attempt was a strike, but she had to be strong enough to keep pushing.

"Blair." Lily greeted her with cheek kisses, and a beaming smile. "You look so lovely." Lily turned to Chuck then, and her entire face changed with motherly love. She pulled him into a soft embrace that Chuck let linger longer than he usually did. "Charles." She whispered, and patted his face. Then she was off again to instruct the staff on dinner.

"I guess this is going to be a production." Chuck seemed slightly uncomfortable, and his mood rubbed off on Blair who grimaced.

Eric came up to them then, and took the champagne from Chuck. "You always had good taste."

Chuck just smiled, and they greeted one another warmly before Eric turned to Blair. He hesitated for a minute before bringing her in for a hug. Blair was stiff in his arms, but managed a small smile when they pulled back.

"I'm so glad you guys came. My mother would have stroked out if you didn't. She's been planning this thing for weeks." Eric caught sight of Parker and Nate then, and lit up. "I need to go see my favorite nephew."

Blair smiled as Nate, Eric, Serena and Lily all crowded around Parker. Her son regaled them with stories of his day, stories of Chuck, of Blair, of his favorite new game, and they hung on every word. This was his family, and Blair started to relax. She wanted to be a part of this, and tonight was her chance.

"I can see why he loves coming over here." Blair was still smiling as she watched them all.

Chuck nodded, amused at the picture before him. "He doesn't hurt for attention. Even my father, when he was alive… Parker just had a way with him." A hint of sadness whispered over Chuck's face, and Blair reached for his hand without thinking about it. He allowed the small contact for a minute, before he released her. "I'll chill the champagne."

He walked off, and Blair found herself standing alone watching everything happening around her. Just as she was starting to feel uneasy again, Parker spotted her and called out for her. Blair sent him a wobbly smile, and headed over. Everyone moved over to give her a spot next to her son, and she liked the way it felt. She was Parker's mother.

"Tell Grandma Lily what the bad lady said to you Mommy." Parker was clearly mid-story, and it took Blair a minute to realize he meant the show down with Georgina the past week. Parker poked Blair's leg. "Tell'em."

"Oh, Parker, it wasn't… Maybe we shouldn't. Your father handled it." Blair was uncomfortable talking about Georgina, the woman who still held the title of Chuck's fiancé.

No one else seemed the least bit uncomfortable though, and everyone, including her precocious son continued to stare her down.

"Well," she looked around for Chuck, but he was still gone. "Georgina just came over and… she was… Georgina." Blair finished lamely. It wasn't like her to hold back, but the situation she found herself in was so odd she didn't know what to do. What if Lily actually liked Georgina.

Lily disabused her of that notion quickly. "I can only imagine. Bad woman indeed." She shook her head, a perfectly practiced disdainful look on her face. "I can only hope Charles rids himself of her soon."

"Here, here." Eric agreed heartily.

Serena laughed. "Mom."

Lily gathered herself again, and realized Parker was hanging on her every word. "Well, what I meant to say was…"

Chuck cleared his throat behind them, and smirked at Lily. "What did you mean to say?"

Lily glanced at Serena helplessly, but Serena was still giggling, and Nate suspiciously wouldn't look up from his drink. Eric just shrugged, clearly not the least bit embarrassed by his own comments. Chuck's gaze landed on Blair last, and she felt guilty even though she knew she shouldn't. She hadn't started this conversation, and she hadn't even bad-mouthed Georgina like she could have. Still, Chuck probably thought she was acting crazy-jealous.

Lily sighed, and shook her head. "I'm afraid I meant exactly that. I hope you'll be well rid of her soon. Come on Parker, let's check on dinner." Lily grabbed Parker's hand, and led him away with her, wisely staving off a confrontation with Chuck.

"Damn she's good." Serena couldn't stop smiling.

"If I was half as good as her I would already be an executive at my company." Eric marveled at his mother, and then noticed Chuck still staring at them. "I'll check on dinner as well. Never too many eyes on that stuff." He rushed out, just leaving the four of them.

"Don't tell me you all need to check dinner as well?" Chuck glared at them, but he didn't seem too upset.

Serena shook her head. "Oh no, I'm fine right here. I've told you many times how I feel about that little-"

"Serena," Nate stopped her, but he couldn't stop himself from laughing. He looked up at Chuck and shrugged. "I'm sorry, man."

"Actually Nate, I think we should check on dinner." Before Chuck could stop them, Serena was leading Nate off in the same direction that the others had disappeared.

Blair sighed. "I guess I can't use that excuse as well?"

Chuck shook his head, and came around to sit beside her.

"Believe it or not I didn't start that conversation, nor did I encourage it. Parker was telling them about the other day, and I didn't mention-"

Chuck laid a quieting hand on Blair's thigh, and she immediately shut up. The contact wasn't unwelcome but it was a surprise. "I'm not concerned with Georgina. My family has never cared for her."

"Good." Blair slipped, and then winced. "I mean…" She sighed, sick of trying to pretend. "Good, actually. I've already told you how I feel about her and you and us, and you haven't said a word to me. So maybe I will go check on dinner."

Blair started to get up, but Chuck grabbed her arm and pulled her back. She ended up landing halfway on his lap, and halfway on the couch. Where she would have slid onto the couch, he pulled her back against him. This was as close as he'd let her get to him in a long time, and her heart was going crazy inside her chest. He smelled so nice, spicy but clean. It was the cologne she'd bought him for his seventeenth birthday. He'd loved it, and never used anything else since. It was the history that always brought her back to him when she thought she could start over. There was too much to run from, too much to lose.

"Chuck…" She whispered his name, yearning to be close to him, but still so scared. She'd opened up to him, and he hadn't given her anything in return.

"Hi." He grinned at her. That boyish grin she remembered from their childhood. Innocent, but protective. Loving, but scared. So vulnerable she always got scared for him. She hadn't seen that look in so long, maybe not since they were kids, not since Bart did his best to wash it out of him.

"I need to know that you feel the same. Chuck, I-"

He kissed her then. It surprised her, but it shouldn't have. She knew that look in his eyes, the wanting that went so deep neither of them could deny it. She couldn't deny it now either. It wasn't exactly the answer she needed, but it was enough. It was desperate and quick, and he pulled back way too soon. Her breathing was spiked, and she shivered when he reached out to brush away some lipstick that he'd smeared.

"Slow, okay?" There was that vulnerability again. It did her in, and she found herself nodding in agreement. She could go as slow as he wanted. She could wait a lifetime if he just kept looking at her like that. Like he loved her, like she wasn't broken. He hadn't looked at her like that since right before Parker was born. And it was perfect, almost too perfect.

Tears pricked behind her eyes, and she tried to look away but he wouldn't let her. His eyes bored into her own, and some silent communication traveled between them. She understood what he was promising her then. Give him time. Let him heal a little more. He was scared and couldn't say it. He needed her to be strong.

"Okay." She whispered, even though she knew the answer was already in her eyes. She leaned back into him, and laid a whisper of a kiss against his lips. She needed to feel the promise one more time, needed to feel his heart beat against hers, that special rhythm that only ever belonged to her.

Blair pulled back with a smile on her face, but it dimmed quickly when she realized Parker was standing in front of them staring. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning either. Instead, it looked like he was studying them. Blair started to panic, and moved off Chuck's lap. He let her that time, and turned toward Parker with a cautious look. It seemed none of them knew what to say.

Lily appeared then. "Dinner is ready." She noticed the silence, and looked down at Parker. "What's wrong?"

"Daddy was kissing Mommy." Parker still seemed unsure of how he felt about it.

Lily nearly choked. "Well… alright then. Dinner is ready." She walked off realizing the three of them needed to talk by themselves, and most likely wanting to get the hell out of dodge.

Blair heard whisperings behind her, and knew Lily was filling in the others. For once, Blair wished Serena would swoop in and somehow fix this. With everything so unsure Blair didn't want Parker grasping onto her and Chuck like this. It could really hurt him when they had their inevitable ups and downs.

"Parker…" Chuck started, but couldn't find the words.

"We were just…" Blair couldn't either.

"Kissing. K.I.S.S.I.N.G. Like the song." He continued to stare at them, and Blair was worried they'd seriously traumatized him. He'd probably never seen Chuck kissing anyone since it didn't seem like Chuck brought Georgina around, and when he did the rules were likely strict.

"What do you think about it?" Chuck finally asked cutting to the heart of the issue.

"Does this mean we're a real family now? Like you'll be married, and have more babies and stuff?" Parker's reaction still wasn't readable, but his new questions were making Blair queasy. It was hard enough asking herself that stuff. She couldn't imagine answering Parker.

"Would you want that?" Chuck was keeping safe with his questions, not giving an inch. Blair decided even Lily wasn't this good.

Parker seemed to debate for a minute, before breaking into a big smile and jumping onto Chuck's lap. He situated himself, and then reached for Blair's hand to pull her in closer. It looked like the perfect family picture, and Blair knew without listening what Parker would say.

"I want a big wedding, with lots of cake and balloons. And I don't want no sisters. Only little brothers. Daddy says sisters are a pain." Parker sighed pleased with himself.

Blair still couldn't speak. A big wedding didn't seem so bad, but more children scared her to death.

Chuck's expression was hard to read. "We'll see." He kissed Parker on the head, and then forced them both to their feet. "Let's eat." Chuck turned back and reached for Blair's hand. She took his gesture with a wary smile, and followed him into the dining room.

Serena was grinning when they sat down, and winked at Chuck.

"Parker, why don't you say grace." Lily instructed.

Parker eagerly nodded, and took his spot between Serena and Nate at the table. He clasped their hands, and then waited for everyone else to link up as well. Blair and Chuck shared a look as their hands twined, and everyone watched them.

"Thank you God for my Grandma Lily's mac and cheese, and for S and Uncle Nate and Uncle Eric – oh and for Mrs. B. And thank you God for bringing my Mommy home and making her marry my Daddy and give me lots of little brothers. Amen." Parker clapped his hands, and began digging into his dinner while everyone else remained shocked into silence.

Lily was the first to break the ice. "Should we start a baby registry?" Her question was aimed at Blair, and she didn't seem the least bit upset. For a woman who was worried about things moving too fast, the idea of a new baby in the family changed her mind quick.

"Lily." Chuck looked at her warningly.

"Well, I can always hope can't I?" She smiled pleased with herself and sipped her wine.

"Lots of little brothers?" Nate echoed Parker's words to Chuck. "I know I've been busy, but…"

"Nate." Blair snapped. This was ludicrous. They obviously all knew Parker was a wishful child, but no one seemed the least bit interested in curtailing these fantasies. Even Chuck wasn't stepping in. It irked Blair. "Enough."

"Blair's right," Serena agreed. "I think you guys should have a girl. She'll be stunning."

Parker squealed. "Eww no, sisters are a pain. Tell her Daddy."

Serena quirked an eyebrow at Chuck. "Oh, really?"

Chuck nodded, and smiled tightly. "Oh, definitely."

Eric laughed. "Parker's right. Boys all the way."

Serena threw her napkin at him, and he returned the favor, which caused Parker no endless source of amusement. Lily tried to stop them, but before any of them knew it things were flying all over Lily's perfectly planned dinner party. Thankfully, food had been deemed off limits, but napkins, napkin holders, and any other small decoration was being thrown. Blair was hit in the face with a snapped off peony and glared at Serena.

"Oops." Serena didn't look the least bit sorry.

Blair finally started laughing herself, and wadded up her napkin aiming right for Serena's forehead. It missed completely though and landed on Parker's head who quickly complimented his mother's aim before throwing something back at her. Chuck and Lily were the only non-participants, but they still got hit with a number of flying objects before everyone settled down.

"Well." Lily sighed, clearly used to this boisterous crowd. "And to think I thought you were all adults now."

Nate was the first to look shame-faced. "Sorry, Lily."

Lily gave him a stern look, and then stared down everyone at the table one by one. Parker was the last to get the look, but instead of apologizing, he started laughing. Lily cracked a smile, but didn't let him off the hook.

"Parker." Chuck's voice was a command.

Parker sobered up for a second, and tried to bow his head just like Nate had. "Sorry Grandma Lily, but S did it first."

"Parker." Chuck's voice was warning.

Parker got up, and walked around to Lily. He climbed into her lap, and whispered something in her ear, before kissing her cheek and going back to his chair. Chuck looked across at him, and then at Lily, waiting on a verdict.

"Of course, I accept." Lily grinned at Parker, and he grinned back. Chuck's stern face fell, and he finally smiled as well. "Now, let's eat what you haven't ruined." She gave Serena another look, but her daughter was still smiling like a lunatic.

Blair hadn't realized how much she'd missed all of this until that moment. It wasn't just Chuck and Parker she needed, but this table, these people, these nights. She'd grown up in this world with all of them. She'd built herself with them, and even though they'd all faltered, herself included, she loved them. She loved Nate for always being stalwart and true, and for loving Serena like she deserved. She loved Serena for her pure heart, and ability to make any situation alright. She loved Lily, because she'd taken in a broken twelve year old and loved him without question. She loved Eric as the little brother she'd never had, and always wanted. And the two she loved the most, her husband, her son… she watched them. Parker dug into his macaroni happily, at ease with his family, with himself… And Chuck… Chuck was the man she'd always wanted him to be. He was open and smiled from time to time. He joked with Nate, teased Eric, and constantly bickered with Serena. And as this world happened around her Blair realized she was a part of it. She'd always been meant to be, and tonight was only the first night, the first few moments… there was more to come.


	14. Author's Note

**AN**: Hey everyone, I didn't want you to think I was taking a long hiatus again so I wanted to post a little update. I'm in the middle of midterms for the next two weeks, but then I have a break and I'm hoping to get at least 5 chapters done during that time. Please be patient with me, I promise there's some good stuff coming up. ;)


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